Thoughtful or Offensive?
By pumpkinjam
@pumpkinjam (8540)
United Kingdom
December 15, 2011 9:44am CST
Today, my child had some Christmas presents from school. This, in itself, of course, is not a problem. They were, however, presented in a black bin bag in front of other children and parents and were from the Salvation Army. If EVERY child in the school had been given something and/or if they had been more discreet, then I don't think there would have been a problem but, personally, I found it rather offensive that a certain person at the school (and I know exactly who it is) seems to have taken it upon herself to assume that, not only would my child not have a lot for Christmas but also that we celebrate Christmas (which we do but she shouldn't assume) and, more importantly to me, feel it is acceptable to hand over a bin bag in front of everyone showing the whole of the rest of the school that they think we're poor. Well, that's the way I see it anyway.
What would you think if this happened to you? Would you appreciate that they'd picked your child out for this? Would you be offended by the way it was done?
1 person likes this
10 responses
@nannacroc (4049)
•
17 Dec 11
I would have been very offended and would have tried to see that person and ask her to give the gifts to the genuinely poor children in the school. Done discreetly this would have been different, sadly, if it's from who I think, discretion is not a strong point.
It is also totally wrong to assume you celebrate Christmas as this shows her prejudices.
1 person likes this
@nannacroc (4049)
•
17 Dec 11
I know the people who donated the gifts would not have wanted this to be done in this way.
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@pumpkinjam (8540)
• United Kingdom
17 Dec 11
As far as I know, it is who you think. As I've said to other people, there are surely more needy children in the school (unless, of course they've all left and gone to better schools which wouldn't surprise me).
I wasn't really offended by not checking that we celebrated Christmas but it does show her prejudice. She's supposed to be a Christian. But I think that's only when it suits her. Perhaps that's why this was done the way it was, it was a "look at me being Christian" with no thought as to what trouble it could cause.
@p1kef1sh (45681)
•
15 Dec 11
I think that is awful. How condescending a patronising of the school and the person that said that your little man was in need. They should have given the children their presents and simply thanked the Salvation Army for their generosity in a circular giving wider school news.
1 person likes this
@pumpkinjam (8540)
• United Kingdom
17 Dec 11
That would have been a much better idea. Or they could have made sure every child had something so that no one was singled out or left out.
@peavey (16936)
• United States
15 Dec 11
I would be offended somewhat, only because it showed a lack of tact. No child should be singled out as "poor" regardless of the circumstances. We know that poverty has little to do with money, anyway.
I don't think I would have been offended by their assumption that we celebrated Christmas. Even if we don't (which we certainly do), the thought and the gift would be appreciated. It would be like a Jewish friend giving my child a small Hanukkah gift. I wouldn't mind, even though we're not Jewish.
The bin bag in front of everyone, though, would have bothered me. I would prefer to shelter my children from things like that.
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@pumpkinjam (8540)
• United Kingdom
17 Dec 11
Thank you for your response. I wouldn't really be offended if we didn't celebrate Christmas (personally, I think that kids shouldn't be left out especially if they're too young to understand why).
However, yes, I thought the lack of tact, etc. was unnecessary.
Also, there were three toys in the bag he was given. The way I see it is, if they can give three toys in a bin bag to a child they assume isn't going to get presents (for reasons unknown to me by the way) then surely they could have wrapped them up individual and had three kids have a present.
@RieRie (820)
•
16 Dec 11
He shouldn't have been given it in front of everyone and if they're giving something to one child other parents might be offended that their children didn't get anything. And a bin bag (or refuse sack) isn't the right thing to put it in, even just a carrier bag would be better.
The thing about celebrating Xmas though is I have friends who don't celebrate but appreciate a card and small present.
If it was a present because he worked hard that would be different.
1 person likes this
@pumpkinjam (8540)
• United Kingdom
17 Dec 11
I thought that if they wanted to give presents to some kids but not others then they should do it as a reward type thing or they should give something to every child.
I see you have understood what I'm saying which is good. As I say, being given a gift is not offensive in itself but the way they did it was not very nice.
Also, as I also said, there are surely other kids whose parents can't/won't get them things who could have had the stuff. That bothers me as well. My son will have a good Christmas but there are plenty of kids who won't.
@pumpkinjam (8540)
• United Kingdom
17 Dec 11
Thanks for that. And thank you for reading and understanding the whole thing!
As I said, I'm not ungrateful for the gifts, just the way they did it.
@Aja103654 (5646)
• Philippines
16 Dec 11
I think it has something to do with pride that can make us take offense in the simplest things. Pride is not a good thing. No matter what they see you us, it's better to just be grateful that they have given you something. Some people may think you are poor and pity you, which i think should not be. they should sympathize not pity, those are different words.
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@pumpkinjam (8540)
• United Kingdom
17 Dec 11
Firstly, I wouldn't describe myself as poor (I'm certainly not rich and I do struggle sometimes but no more than most of the people I know). So I do not need pity or sympathy. As I have said to others, I did not take offence at being given the gifts. I took offence at the lack of tact and discretion. Not only did they make incorrect assumptions, they could have incited bullying and there are other kids who really are poor who could have had the gifts.
@Masihi (4413)
• Canada
15 Dec 11
Well, I would be thankful but yes the person does need to be discreet, though. Kinda like not letting your left hand know what your right hand is doing type thing. I hope your son won't be made fun of, though.
@pumpkinjam (8540)
• United Kingdom
17 Dec 11
That's what I thought. I'm not ungrateful for the gifts (although I don't even know what one of them is supposed to be), it was the lack of discretion really (although I was rather offended that it had been assumed, for some reason unknown to me, that my son wouldn't get any gifts from me... I mean Santa!).
@whatrow (792)
• United States
15 Dec 11
I don't know what you mean by a "bin bag" so I am not sure why it bothers you so much. We are ALL poor and we need everything we can get our hands on. If someone wants to give your child something for free, that is a good thing. If you don't like the gift, it will be something you can sell one day and maybe get enough money to buy dinner.
@pumpkinjam (8540)
• United Kingdom
17 Dec 11
A "bin bag" is a bag you put rubbish in. It seems a few people have misunderstood the point here. Giving someone something for free is not a bad thing. The gifts were rubbish second hand shop rejects but that's really beside the point.
I am not complaining about my child being given a gift. The problem is the way it was done. It was assumed (as I mentioned before, for reasons unknown to me) that I could not/would not give my child Christmas presents and these gifts from a charity were given to him in front of the other kids at school. The problem is that, not only did they assume that we were poor but also, made no attempt at offering the gifts discreetly.
@writersolutions10 (497)
• India
16 Dec 11
It depend on the person. It may be offensive but to some point it is good to some one. we need to think twice before we do a think.
@Arieles (2473)
• United States
15 Dec 11
I would be thankful they found it in their heart to give my child something at this time of year. I would be glad that my child would not be up there empty-handed which would probably be more embarrassing then not having a gift at all. I know my child would also appreciate the gift. I also understand you would like to be able to buy gifts for your child yourself, and you don't want people that you can't take care of your child's very basic needs. Christmas is about sharing and caring, and I don't think the gifts your child got were given to make you feel offended.
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@pumpkinjam (8540)
• United Kingdom
17 Dec 11
I'm not saying I'm ungrateful for the gifts. What I'm saying is the manner by which they were given.
I am perfectly able to buy gifts for my child for myself and do not understand why the school felt it either necessary nor appropriate to give these gifts to him. Also, there are surely other children at the school who would be more in need.
These gifts were basically thrown at my child in a bin bag in front of everyone else making a show of the fact that the school think we can't/won't get him anything for Christmas. Had it been done more discreetly, I would have still been offended at their assumptions but my child may now get bullied at school because of it.
It may not have been meant to make me feel offended (although I wouldn't put it past the head teacher of the school) but it wasn't very nice that they made a show of it.
