Do you get haunted by past decisions?

The exact moment you decide - The moment you make a decision
@bounce58 (17387)
Canada
January 13, 2012 3:47pm CST
I'm currently sitting on one of the bigger mistakes of my life. As I continually dwell on this mistake, I keep getting haunted by the exact moment I made the decision which led to this mistake. And the 'haunting' manifests itself as a clear memory of that exact moment. I could remember what I was wearing, what the temperature was, the exact time, what I had for breakfast that morning, etc. It's like a point in a movie where I want to rewind to. Do you ever get this feeling? When something doesn't go right, do you remember the exact moment when you made the decision? Or the exact time you made the mistake?
6 people like this
26 responses
@megamatt (14292)
• United States
15 Jan 12
There are a lot of times where I really think about past decisions, I think, "well that could have gone a bit better." However, as I think about it, I think that there are times where our mistakes are going to teach us some valuable lessons. Granted, even the most valuable lessons are going to be something that are going to turn out to be rather painful in the problem. There are just going to be a lot of times where I wonder what might have been. Of course, what might have been might have actually turned out worse. There are times where I think that there is a decision that needs to be made and it is a no win situation. Where we are really going to really figure out the decision and it is going to be a struggle to the top. As a take a deep breath and make said decision, sometimes I know I'll regret it but perhaps any decision that I might make will be patterned by regrets.
2 people like this
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
22 Jan 12
Thanks megamatt! Thanks for painting a picture of what could have been. That it could have been worse if that decision at that time was not made. Maybe there is a lesson to be learned here. It's a bit painful and problematic, but it could have been worse. Who knows?! Thanks.
@borgborg (821)
• Philippines
14 Jan 12
before, yes, i did have the same problem. but i have learned to move on and just accept the mistake that i have done. as the time goes, i am not being haunted by the past anymore. maybe it will help to focus your mind to other good decisions that you have made. like the time you decided to be with your partner, the time you decided to take the job offer and it made you successful. just focus on other positive things and you will be able to forget the negative sides of your pasts.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
22 Jan 12
Thanks borgborg! I like your attitude of making it as a lesson in the past that helps you focus in your future. Maybe someday I could do that too!
@lilaclady (28207)
• Australia
13 Jan 12
yes I regret a couple of decisions I have made in the past and it can be very haunting I think, thinking of the regrets happen all the time.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
15 Jan 12
Hi lilaclady. I think you've just added something I forgot to mention in this discussion. That the regrets are the one's that makes it haunting. A lot of 'if only's'... Thanks.
@GreenMoo (11834)
14 Jan 12
If there's something to be learnt from dwelling on this moment (other than the obvious 'don't do it again!') then there doesn't seem to be a whole heap of benefit from you going over and over it in your mind. Is there any way that you can train your brain to move onto something more productive? You may have made a bad decision, but the world has not ended so there are more decisions to be made and life to continue living. I've never experienced this degree of clarity mulling over a mistake. When I'm miserable about something it tends to be very unspecific. I hope you can move through this soon. I hate to hear you're sounding so down.
2 people like this
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
19 Jan 12
Thanks GreenMoo. It has been relatively busy at work these past few days, and (the regular) busy at home. That helped a bit in not focusing on that past mistake. Maybe this is the way to train my brain. Just get drowned with work. So that I may feel more productive.
@trm820 (222)
• United States
13 Jan 12
I get haunted by many decisions that I had made. I try not to because it only puts me into a state of depression that is usually quite hard for me to get out of. My boyfriend is my strong suit, he helps keep me centered.
2 people like this
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
16 Jan 12
I think we all need something like what you have. A strong suit to keep us centered. Unfortunately, not all of us have this. I think this is why many fall in depression. Thanks for the input trm820!
@much2say (53803)
• Los Angeles, California
13 Jan 12
OMG yes! I hate that feeling, hate hate hate. I forget the "mistake" for the longest time and then something triggers those old memories again. And then I literally relive the moment in my head and can't get it out of my mind. Sucks when that happens!! I don't think I remember every little detail like the time or what I was wearing . . . but I do remember the sick-in-the-stomach emotions, people's facial or bodily reactions, etc etc. I want to kick myself in the butt and push the delete button - but I can't. Yes, I am SURE I want to delete. Stamp a big DOH! on my forehead. But in time I know the feeling goes away and once again I will forget the whole thing (thankfully!).
2 people like this
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
18 Jan 12
Yeah! I wish I could also push a DELETE button on those things. Bad enough that we made bad decisions on those days/moments, sometimes we're forced to relive it because of the consequences we currently face. Doh! Thanks.
• United States
15 Jan 12
No , I remember some of my big mistakes but only for a little while and then I move on.I have my good friends and my guy and this has made me be more hopeful and less of an perfectionist and a pessimist. I don't know what happened or why this is so vivid. All I can say is try not to let this haunt you. If you feel comfortable , send me a mail and vent! I don't need to know Exactly what happen but I would love to help.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jan 12
I'm here whenever you need me. Send a PM or an email.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
22 Jan 12
Sorry it took a while for me to get back to your response/offer here sarah. As you may already know, I like to vent. And sometimes, through responses of strangers I sort myself out. Or find meaning in a few words that help me go through whatever situation I find myself. I know I haven't reached out to you yet, but I'm glad that I know that you're just there. Thanks.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Jan 12
hi bounce oh yes I do. I was of all things mylotting when my son came in and was upset. The small company who hired him had just told' him they had to cut his salary as computer programmer as they had bad financial problems.He said he felt like looking for another job and right then there were other computer programmer jobs out there.then is the moment when mom should have spoke up.I should have said Yes thats not fair of them and I think you should do some job hunting" but I did not as he said he hated the job hunting bit so I just commiserated with him and did not press it. I now know if I had really given him that extra push we would now be much better off. As ultimately he was laid off as they were really in trouble. and then the job market had nosedived .no jobs but lots of jobless people. So that past decision really haunts me. I am sure if I had encouraged him he would have found another job that was better paying.
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
17 Jan 12
I go with telmesh here Hatley, don't beat yourself up so much about this. Even though I could use the same advice. There are a few things in my life too, where the outcome could have been different if I just spoke up. Thanks.
1 person likes this
@telmesh (1793)
14 Jan 12
Hey Hatley don't keep beating yourself up about a decision not to speak it's worse still when you speak and the results are bad. The decisions were your sons to make and who says he would be in a better position now, it's bad for everyone that needs employment now,whether there in or out of a job.
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
14 Jan 12
I'm not sure that I can say I remember the EXACT EXACT moment but I do remember a lot of it, and I hate the feeling of it dwelling in my mind... Especially when I get over it and then it comes to haunt me again.
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
22 Jan 12
I think if it's still fresh, like it just happened a few years ago, I would also hate dwelling on it, as I'm sure it would arrest my mind and spirit. I wouldn't be able to move. But like suggestions of many here, I (we) just got to go on. Thanks Mopeding SCG!
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
14 Jan 12
This is normal bounce. Everyone has these moments and we wish that we could have made a different decision than what we did. But, we are now looking at it with 20/20 vision and not taking into account the circumstances at that time. Please stop being hard on yourself. It is making me
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@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
21 Jan 12
Please do not apologise as we are Mylot friends. Sometimes it is easier to tell your friends at Mylot about worries or problems in our lives than those who are close to us. maybe it is because we are detached from the situation and so see the problem from a different perspective. Lastly - a;ways remember that when we speak of a problem then we are on the way to dealing with it. Speaking and recognising it are the first steps. The worse thing is when a person has a problem and does not verbalise it. That causes too much stress. So you are dealing with it Bounce. Yes, we are so happy that he won. The next step id the local government elections and this will determine the Mayor and the councillors who form the parish council. So there will be another election in about 6 weeks or so and we campaign again as we cannot allow the opposition to control the money and policies of the Parish Council.This would hinder his programmes as they would have the money. But it was wonderful to see him in Parliament taking the oath. My spine tingled and tears came to my eyes.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
22 Jan 12
Nice to be friends with such powerful people!
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
21 Jan 12
Oh sorry cynthiann. Sorry for making you . I hope that it take away much out of you. I know that you're still in a celebratory mood after your great win. And yes, I'm sure the circumstances back then had a lot to do why I made that decision. Thanks.
@MaryLynn321 (2680)
• United States
14 Jan 12
I get this feeling alot too. If only we could rewind and delete would be great. I guess we have to just accept we made the mistake and try to go on from there. I am like you. I can remember every detail and I never forget. Which can be good at times and a curse at other times.
• United States
19 Jan 12
Sounds good to me. Wish we didn't have these haunting feelings. I never thought of them that way before, but you hit the nail on the head with calling it "haunting feelings". That is exactly what it is. If you ever get this invented with the delete and rewind buttons let me know.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
18 Jan 12
I made a reference of a DELETE button in my comment to the response above, I think you've pointed out one more fact. That before the delete button, there should be a REWIND button first. Then we all wouldn't have any of this haunting. Thanks.
1 person likes this
@telmesh (1793)
13 Jan 12
Yes I've made plenty of mistakes but never remembered them as accurately as yourself and I would worry if I did as I realise that you have to let it go as soon as possible. This is one of the things humans have to deal with and also the biggest problem we have although it sets us apart from all other animals, MEMORY. Be clear that because you consider it to be the biggest mistake you've ever made it will be with you a long time but it will fade and I hope for your sake it fades quickly. I've always worried when having made a mistake what the results would be and they were never as bad as I had imagined. The answer was always to get things out in the open and fess up then the results are over and done with quickly. Look at it this way, you didn't kill Jesus and no one paid the price for that.
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
17 Jan 12
Hello telmesh. Thanks for the advise. I know that we should let go of things, specially of the bad decisions that we've made. But some choices are just a bit difficult than others. Thanks.
1 person likes this
@telmesh (1793)
18 Jan 12
Yes, well aware but even when the mistake keeps on coming back into mind we have the ability to put a stop part way through the thought and think of something else or meditate. Meditation is very difficult but the more you practice the easier it gets and it does give the mind a rest as you always think of the same word and eventually it blanks out every thing else. Your mind will drift that's natural but you actively keep pulling back to the same word. I know it seems cranky but for people in a bad place it is really good.
@timetravel (1425)
• United States
14 Jan 12
I used to but not anymore. A few years ago I decided to stay firmly grounded in the present while looking ahead to the immediate future. I don't look backwards, which is all getting haunted by past decisions is. We cannot change the past - all we can do is work in the present and head for a better future.
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
19 Jan 12
Hi timetravel. I like hearing about people finaly deciding about their own perspectives. I like that you choose to look ahead and leave the past behind. I like it because it gives hope to people like me who are still haunted by the past. I hope I get there too. Thanks. Don't backslide goat or starfruit!
• United States
20 Jan 12
It's hard not to backslide occasionally. Something will happen that can quickly draw us right back - it's important to just push past it and focus on today. Not easy to do always, but if you try to stay focused on what you are doing in the here and now, it can help.;
• United States
14 Jan 12
thank you, binggaling. It is a decision. We can choose to wallow in past decisions or leave them behind and start fresh, from today.
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
14 Jan 12
Yeah I do. Oh well I really think we both are going through tough times now. Again, it's exactly what I do. I guess most of us who have made a mistake would end up sitting, staring blankly and thinking about the past. Telling to one's self.. I wish I didn't do this and that. But then it's all too late now. I think we just gotta start moving and see if we can go back right on track again. It's hard to forget the past mistakes as it will always flash into our mind.
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
21 Jan 12
Hi enelym001. It's been a few days since I posted this discussion (sorry it took time to get back to your response), I hope that by this time you've moved on. That you're back right on track again. Thanks.
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
21 Jan 12
Hi bounce that's okay. About moving on, well I am trying... and I have a plan to get myself pre-occupied with a lot of things. So hope to really be back on track again. Hope you feel better too, whatever it is that's haunting you.
@GardenGerty (157423)
• United States
14 Jan 12
So, are you sitting on a horse, a motorcycle, or an expensive sofa? Yes, I replay things over and over that I regret. I wish I would quit, because it cannot be undone, I just have to learn from it and go on.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
19 Jan 12
I actually was not sitting. I remember being in a parking lot coming out of the car, with my arm draped on the door. I wish I was sitting, then maybe I could have come up with a better decision. I guess that's why people ask 'are you sitting down?' when someone tells them a bit of shocking news.
@QeeGood (1213)
• Sweden
14 Jan 12
Yes, I do get haunted by past decisions, which has impact on my present life. How long it will take for it to turn into the final past, I do not know. But I am now a days very careful before I make any important decisions. I have learnt to trust my own intuition much more now.
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
21 Jan 12
Hello QeeGood. I wish those bad decisions I've made also became 'final past'. So that I don't have to relive it over and over again. Thanks for the response.
@cearn25 (3456)
• Philippines
14 Jan 12
I am also being haunted by one of my greatest mistakes that I have done in my life. It keeps coming back. I wanted to correct it but there is nothing I can do because it is already there. I just said to myself that I leave it and let go of it because it will not lead me something good.
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
19 Jan 12
Once you decide, and make up your mind that you can leave it, then it's all good. The problem is coming up with that decision, as it isn't always easy. Good that you've already learned to let go. Thanks.
@Defluxe (14)
• Lithuania
14 Jan 12
Good day! Yes, I can remember those moments of my life when I done "bad" decisions which lead me to suffering and misery or other negative emotions and situations, but I usually try just not to remember them. I try just to realease them, because it is PAST and we must live in the PRESENT moment and don't look to the past events so much. These great words of wisdom gets along with this thread and my assumptions: "Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment" (Buddha). To be in the present moment is the biggest present which you can have. On the other hand, when you think over those bad decisions which you made, you can realise that it just needed to happen at that moment in time and it maybe brought some new better things in your life. I wish you good luck in overcoming problems from past which haunts you. Have a nice day/night or whatever it is! :)
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@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
21 Jan 12
Hi Defluxe. Thank you for your perspective. That maybe the reason why I choose to make those decisions in the past was because they 'just needed to happen'. To get me to a better place. And thanks for dropping by.
• Belgium
14 Jan 12
I sometimes just want to go back in time and make some decisions of my different.
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
20 Jan 12
Hello black0jack! I think if we could all go back in time, life would really be better. Even mine would be. Thanks.
@Bamboee (645)
• United Arab Emirates
14 Jan 12
Hell ya, I get haunted by my decision. I remember everyone telling me not to take the step, I remember my parents warning me about it, the exact moment. The time, the clothes, the movements of the body, everything. Everyone gathered around me, explaining me the consequences that I am getting into and that i will I drag my whole family in it. I remember my expressions and my determination to do it, and to go with it, to believe in it! Now when I look back I feel so ashamed and guilty.. I regret each little second and minute that why did not I see out of the box.. Why was I so selfish, why did I do so.. But I cant do anything about it now, what's done is done!! I wish I could take it back, I wish I could rewind time! I wish I could go on that exact day and change my decision.. I wonder how my life would have been after that day... Beautiful, blissful, just happy with my family.. God please forgive me .. :(
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
20 Jan 12
You've brought up a good point Bamboee! Even though people were advising us against a particular move or decision back then, we really couldn't do anything about it, as we were blinded by our determination. I could also my determination back then. Thanks.