Are you friends with your Ex(s)?

Philippines
February 29, 2012 12:45am CST
One thing I can't wrap my mind around... being friends with my ex-girlfriend. I think that when one person has been romantically involved with another person, and then they separated ways, it is hard to imagine for them to be friends with each other. In one way or another, it would be hard for either one to cope with letting go if they remain friends. For some reason, it would be awkward and it's hard to have a carefree-friendly relationship if there is awkwardness between the two. I think that if a relationship failed on a romantic level, it's quite hard to go back to friendship level. There's always an imposition of whatever the past has caused to either one of them. But that's just me. Other people might be comfortable with the idea. In my case, I think being friends with my ex-girlfriend will just make it hard for her to move on and find a guy that would make her happy. For as long as I am around, she would never be able to let go of the hurt and pain. But then even if it does, it's just weird enough to be looking for someone to be involved with while she's being around.
2 people like this
25 responses
@cheenlly (3477)
• Philippines
29 Feb 12
When you have both move on and happy with a new partner then you can be friends. Actually being friends with ex's depends on the reason why you had break up and the intense of it. If its about cheating then you cannot be friends or will take time to be friends. Its just a matter of being free with the hatred and pain before you able to be friend with your ex's.
• Philippines
29 Feb 12
I completely agree with this. The reason for the breakup is an important factor in determining whether it's alright to be friends or not. More often than not though, it's no help being friends with them because you know right off the bat the differences that you have, and usually, we're friends with people we agree with, and share common interests.
• Trinidad And Tobago
29 Feb 12
@cheenlly,I couldn't have said it better myself, if the breakup is amicable a friendship can definitely be a possibility between ex's, but I do concur if it's a matter of cheating or some event that resulted in animosity between the parties, I don't see that happening. My belief is sometimes two people are just meant to relate to each other better as friends rather than lovers, and once there's that level of understanding between the individuals, one can be the best of friends with their ex's.
@deedee328 (1122)
• United States
1 Mar 12
success My ex was a control freak. We should have never been more than friends to begin with. We did have two gorgeous children together. We had to put our personal differences aside and be "adult" about matters concerning the boys. The ex isn't a bad man,(especially since I don't have to live under his roof and depend on him for anything), he made a lousy spouse, but he is a great dad.
• Philippines
29 Feb 12
I am not friends with any of my ex and I have no intentions of being friends with them either. Seeing that person would only bring back bad memories which would be a hindrance if I want to move on. There's nothing wrong though if you can handle being friends with them because you still may have a good foundation of friendship that can overcome any awkwardness you may have.
• Philippines
2 Mar 12
Me too.I hate it when I see my ex because it reminds me of all the bad memories.But I'm civil to him though I don't want to interact with him.He acts as if he didn't do anything wrong.the hell he treated me bad & embarrassed me on the street when he broke up with me.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
11 Mar 12
It all depends on how you broke up and the reasons why. If you both decided you didn't like each other after all and split up with bitterness and resentment then it's only natural that a couple will have nothing more to do with one another. However, if the couple is mature and have made a decision to move on from each other in a friendly way then it's only natural they will remain friends. If you share a love relationship even if it is only for a short time then you don't just toss that in the trash. Both people probably respect and care about each other even if it turns out they are not compatible.
@lynboobsy11 (11341)
• Philippines
1 Mar 12
Yes I am ,were been separated now for almost three years. Since I decided to left him we don't have a fight even I caught him cheating on me right after that scene, I told him and my daughter that we will leave. We had a nice talk no argument I just told him I'm not happy the way he treated me. And maybe breaking up we will be good friends like before we get together. After that we still became friends up to now, we had a daughter and I don't like that my daughter see us fighting. He visited us sometimes,and I called him when I need him to fix something.
@lumenmom (1986)
• United States
3 Mar 12
I use to feel that way, but I eventually healed completely from the breakup and now me and my ex are friends, in fact better friends than we were when we were together. We have both remarried and gone on with our lives, yet we know we can still count on each other if the need is there. I like it that way because I feel so free from him, the pain is not there anymore. I can genuinely feel good for him when things are going well, even if they are not going well for me. It took a long time to get to that place (about a couple of years or more) but we are there and I am glad.
@jenn88 (57)
• Philippines
1 Mar 12
it depends on the situation as to why you to break up... at first for me., it isnt ok to be frends with your xbf! same as ur opinion... but then again,,.. i met this great guy, dated him for 7 long yrs., and now we broke up,,. not for reasons that includes infidelity or lust or third party, we break up out of choices... i need to start my life as my own n he needs to start his., we are frends we go out... we mingle with people... its more like we step back, instead of growing we decided to take one step backward, we need to ases as to what we really want and what we really need. so now we are frends., nothing wrong wit that., but if we broke up out of hate, u know factors, then i would definatly agree with you.. but since we didnt then its safe to say that it all depends on the situation or the reason why you two break up... its not always coz, or some1 else, sometimes its just the space you need, time you need, the future you need to build, to learn how to live your life alone, to start some where, to be independent and most especially, to see the world in your eyes n experience life first hand... then you can share it, if you want it to be... as long as you have your fill.... :D
@eunife (165)
• Philippines
29 Feb 12
talking about the serious relationships i had, no , i don't make friends with my ex serious boyfriends. there are only two of them anyway. we smile and nod at each other when we meet unexpectedly and we can talk civilly but we don't have constant communication. the "he and i" of us is a thing in the past. i don't want to be friends with them especially if they are with someone else already. in the same way, i don't want my present boyfriend / husband to be friends with any of his ex girlfriends. i mean, what's the point of being friends? when you're friends, you still care about each other because that's what friends are and you won't have any idea how that would affect your present relationship. your present partner may say "it's ok" but that is not a 100% ok. i agree with you, almightybong. romantic level relationship cannot go back to friendship but friendship CAN definitely go to romantic level. so how would you feel if your present partner is still friends with an ex, a friendship that can go back to romantic relationship!
@GemmaR (8517)
29 Feb 12
I think that the main factor with regards to whether you'll be friends with an ex or not depends on the reasons that you chose to break up with them in the first place. Most of the people who I've been with, the relationship ended because the spark just left, which meant that we were more like good friends than anything else. I would be friends with them in this case, because we would be good friends just without the "relationship" aspect of it. You should never stay friends with them if one of you has more feelings than the other though, as that would never work.
• United States
29 Feb 12
I am not friends with my ex because he was verbally abusive towards me. I could never be friends with someone who hurt me. Last I heard he has a new girlfriend and I hope she is rich because she will be poor by the time they break ip. My ex was not working (he claims that with him being hard of hearing that he could not work) and expects the girl to pay for everything. He uses women and then she starts to refuse to pay for everything then he breaks up with her.
@Metatronik (6199)
• Pasay, Philippines
29 Feb 12
I like your point of views regarding this matter. I am a woman and good thing we have the same mentality as my boyfriend that we don't want to be friends with exes. Because come on! what is the sense of moving on if a person still sees you. Aside from that my mentality there is past is past so if that person is an ex then he/she must be treated as stranger already. It is going to be awkward seeing each other again and remembering those sweet memories that turned into failure in the end. Because I could imagine if the other one has relationship with another person already then chances are the ex will be insecure then they would keep asking and asking about the recent lovelife of the ex. Tsk tsk tsk!!! That is a big NO NO! because it will lead to an intrigue.
@cyclopz (251)
• Sydney, Australia
29 Feb 12
Quite an easy question for some people to answer but i think its quite hard to answer in my case. I think it would also depend on what kind of relationship you have both gone throug and the agreement you have with each other. Usually its quite hard staying friends with your ex when you have a rough misunderstanding that you haven't resolved but to some who had a good breakup it is really not a problem staying friends with your ex but you still have to be considerate if your ex would find someone new someday and you must also respect his or her decision. It doesn't mean you would be cutting the communication but just to know your limitations so that you won't be the cause of broken relationships. If you could not be happy with your life at least allow others to be happy with their life. For me, although how bad a person had been to me I could still find a room in my heart to forgive the person but not to the point where we would be that close again as we were in the past because i belive that trust it just like a paper "once its crumpled it can't be perfect again".
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
29 Feb 12
Yeah in a lot of cases what you are saying is true. I think my ex and I are on a good terms. I mean we don't talk and hang out, but when we do see each other he makes an effort to find me and my husband and talk with us. It's kind of neat how he gets along with me and my husband well. My husband thinks that my ex is cool. So it's a neat circumstances that we have. But I'm happy that things are on a good note and that everyone gets along.
• Philippines
29 Feb 12
I had two boyfriends. Only one of them is my friend. That ex of mine is just in our neighborhood. He used to great me but I don't mind him. Yes, we're friends but not the one whose having a hi and hello every time we met.
• Ireland
29 Feb 12
Hi almightybong, In a word, 'No'. Not for lack of trying because we have two kids together but just like there were reasons for our breakup there are reasons as to why we are not and perhaps never will be friends. I think if a couple have been together a while (like a few years or more), if they've lived together for sometime and especially if there are children involved then in an ideal world it would be good if ex's could be friends. It is possible and does happen, but not always. Ex's are usually ex's for a reason..... IrishGal77 :)
• Philippines
29 Feb 12
I've never talked with my ex since I had my last boyfriend who is my husband now. It's how I show my respect to my husband who trust and love me so much. Moreover, being friend with my Ex's through Social networks is a big No. I know the limitations but maybe talking someday with them just by saying hi hello would not hurt my husband's feelings. Past is past.
@Porcospino (31367)
• Denmark
29 Feb 12
One of my ex-boyfriends and I were friends after we broke up, but it didn't work out. He wanted us to become a couple again instead of just friends, but for me the relationship was over and I wasn't interested in becoming his girlfriend again. Almost every time we were together he talked about us and how much he hoped that we would be become a couple again. It was very hard to have a "nornal" friendship because he always wanted more. Some time past and we both found new partners, then my ex-boyfriend contacted me again and suggested that we meet again with our new partners so that we could all become friends. My new partner and his new partner didn't like the idea, so we never actually met again.
@beamer88 (4259)
• Philippines
29 Feb 12
I believe it's really possible to be friends with your ex especially if the breakup was mutual. I'm friends with all of my former girl friends, and I'm even godfather to two of their sons. Maybe I'm fortunate that all my exes had a mature outlook of relationships. Usually those people who can't seem to be friends with their former mates possibly had a bad breakup. They still have unresolved issues. Some are still in love, others full of hate and pain. And if they don't overcome these feelings, it would really be hard to be friends with an ex.
@tessa9 (1085)
• Philippines
29 Feb 12
I have only been with two guys, my ex and the person I am with right now. I have been in a relationship with my ex for almost four years. I do think that we are friends in the sense that we are ok and civil with each other but I don't think that we will ever be close because what we had was just so special that I don't think it will be fair to my current boyfriend if I am friends with him. I am not saying that I still have feelings for him or he still have feelings for me but it is a little complicated. I will always love him of course because he was my first and we have been through a lot. We basically grew up together because we were together since I was 15, I am 21 right now.
@MissPiggy (1748)
• Indonesia
29 Feb 12
I am not only friends with my first ex, but we're a very close friends. We're like brother and sister now. He told me that he will always love me, and I also fell the same. But he has married now, and I'm very happy for him. I believe he's also happy with his marriage although we haven't communicated as often as I wanted. I also still communicate with my last ex. Although it's still hurt sometimes, but we share stories. I'm still enjoying being single for now, as I've always attached to guys for the last 3 years. Lol. But although I will be more careful in building my next relationship, I'm ready to move on. Even those ex's wish me to have a relationship as soon as possible. :))
@vt689586 (584)
• India
29 Feb 12
well i don't face this situation till now and i am happy with my first and last love.but i don't thing is it right to to be friend with your Ex and i don't do that in my life.because it is not easy to behave like friend with the same person who was your love few times ago.this is really very different situation to behave like a friend with your Ex.i can not imagine it.