Should The Bread Winner Of The House , Have To Ask Before Buying Things?

United States
March 6, 2012 7:30pm CST
My husband is the bread winner in the house hold. Recently he has been spending money on stupid things we could have lived with out. I said something to him about spending the money without letting me know (especially when we don't need it) and he said "it's my money, I pay the bills" my response was "this is OUR family and your actions affect all of us, not just you" We are moving in May of this Year and we need to be in saving mode. He finally understood and we came to the agreement that we will both will let the other one know when we spend outside of our budget plan. What do you think just because your the bread winner can you spend what you want and how you want? Have you had a similar situation?
3 people like this
20 responses
@ShyBear88 (59261)
• Sterling, Virginia
7 Mar 12
Well I'm not the bread winner just the bread keeper as my husband would say. He makes the money but he doesn't pay the bills. I he brings the money in and I write the checks I make sure we have enough money for the things we need and if we don't I have to ask my parents for help or find away to make what little money we have last till the next pay week. Without me my husband would spend all of the money he makes. I tell him his money isn't his money its our money on those checks at the bank and stuff it says the both of us on all the bills it says the both of us. I never have to explain to him not spend money. Normally when he does spend money we are together and he'll ask me if its okay. He calls me the boss as well. We have done things in past before we got married or had kids where we would spend on money on useless things we could live with out. Now we don't. Although if we do have the extra money and we have talk about it for a while we will spend what we have put aside for something special the both of us or the one of us wants.
• United States
7 Mar 12
Hi shybear, My husband also calls me the boss because I pay the bills. I am now good at budgeting and if he was in charge of the money we would never pay our bills on time. He and I give each other an alowance that allows us to spend on things we want such as haircuts, movies and things of that nature. Most of the time we end up spending our allowance on each other.
• United States
7 Mar 12
My husband is normally really good with money. To be honest I wouldn't trust myself to pay the bills, honestly I wouldn't.Its great you guys have figured out a way to handle the money that works for you and your family. Thanks for commenting.
@ShyBear88 (59261)
• Sterling, Virginia
8 Mar 12
We don't give ourselves and allowens we aren't kids even when I was kid I never had one. If something is need then we get it not then we just wait. We have one child and another on the way so we know how to spend our money and when not too. Especially when we have to buy a lot of things for our young family. Renting an apartment isn't cheap where we live. We are also saving up for several things. Movies and things those are rights to have is what me and my husband see it as if there is a movie we want to see we can get on our tv through our xbox with out spending a dime.
• United States
7 Mar 12
When we got married my husband was the bread winner, but now neither one of us is working and it looks like right now Randy is unable to work. I have always been the one in charge of the bills and our budget. If we had money left over after the bills we decided together what to do with the left over. we each get a little spending money (I guess for lack of better words we each get an allowance). I think that husbands and wives need to communicate with each other about budgeting and left over money. I think it is great that you and your husband were able to settle things calmly.
• United States
7 Mar 12
It is amazing on how much we learn about our spouses after we get married. I know that I have changed a lot since I have been married. Before I got married I would spend money like it was going out of style and never save. I never knew what a budget was. I have been married for four and a half years to the greatest husband and best friend in the world and I love him so much.
• United States
7 Mar 12
We have our disagreements but at the end of the day we always realize we love each other soooo much and we will not let anything come between us. I never realize how important communication was until I got I married! Thank you for commenting!
@beamer88 (4259)
• Philippines
7 Mar 12
My wife and I have a setup wherein we split the bills and whatever expenses evenly. It's actually some sort of concession on her part being that she has more than thrice the salary that I get. She knows that I'd be bothered if she assumes the role of breadwinner so we decided that no one's the breadwinner and we split it 50/50. But even if one of us was the breadwinner of the family, I don't think it's appropriate to spend on things without taking into consideration the whole family. But once in a while, I think we are all entitled to spend on something for us if we had some extra money.
@beamer88 (4259)
• Philippines
7 Mar 12
That's true. It's not only the monetary thing that's important. Husbands should also do their roles as fathers regardless whether they earn big or small.
@jugsjugs (12967)
23 Dec 12
I think that married couples should not say it is just one persons money no matter how the money has come into their possession. Every thing is joint no matter who is the bread winner and the money should also be treated the same.
@Mashnn (4501)
7 Mar 12
Iam a stay at home mum but even though Iam not working, my husband will always tells me what he intends to buy. In most cases, he only buys things that are useful even though not required at that particular time. I have not had an argument when it comes to how he spend the money.
• United States
7 Mar 12
That's great :) Thank you for commenting.
• United States
7 Mar 12
My husband is the bread winner, and was even when I was working, but he always said it was our money.He would sometimes buy things that I thought we didn't need, but I never said anything about it, until I found out I was pregnant, then I told him that kind of thing needed to talked out first. He agreed, knowing we needed to save for the baby and not yet another video game system he probably wouldn't use all that much.
• United States
7 Mar 12
When you are having a baby you definitely want to cut back some. That is great your husband was so understanding with you when things needed to change. That shows you have a really good husband!! Thanks for your comment.
• United States
10 Mar 12
You are right in this situation as you will be moving soon and need to save your money we are saving for a house and usually we discuss everything before we buy it as I am a big scrapbooker I am going out of town in May we talked about it and we are putting it in the budget so anwser try to discuss before buying especially if you are saving for something you really want such as a house or a big ticket item
@jazel_juan (15747)
• Philippines
8 Mar 12
I am actually guilty of this..though i earn and hubby also earns.. i tend to spend more than him without his permission..sometimes clothing items, or books... lol but then i know he doesn't really complain as i earn it my own and i still get to pay the bills
@MandaLee (3756)
• United States
7 Mar 12
Hello, It is a matter of respect. I think your husband should ask you before spending money out of respect for the entire family. Have a great day!
@Orson_Kart (6002)
• United Kingdom
8 Mar 12
We have entered many a competition in our house, but never one to win bread. Bread is cheap over here and hardly worth getting excited about....apart from Hovis of course, especially the multi-grain kind. But that aside it's all a pound a loaf and cheap at half the price. I suggest telling your husband to stop entering competitions to win bread and concentrate on something more likely to bring in the dough.
@JDaw2006 (428)
• United States
8 Mar 12
I am the one that is working right now. My husband is bringing in money he gets a check each month. My husband gets mad at me when i get stupid stuff. But on the other hand i do not spend money that i dont have to spend. If we need diapers and other things as long as i now that we need it then i will get it before i go spending. We do not save any money because i dont make that much to save anything. My husbands checks pays the bills with the exception of one bill. That is my insurance bill thats all. But one thing that i have found is that when i am down in the dumps and depressed i like to shop. Even if it is only at the dollar tree it still makes me feel better and some times my husband dont say anything about it but others he gets really mad so im trying to change that because it is important to talk to the other person.
• Ghana
8 Mar 12
Your husband is quit understandably, in fact many men would not understand this because they think they are the bread winners and the head of the family, but yours is exceptional I give him credit.
• Ghana
7 Mar 12
your man is understandably, in fact some men wouldn't understand this because the think they are the bread winner of the family, i give him credit
• South Africa
10 Mar 12
I think whoever spends money should have the consent of the other partner. Imagine if you said that to him if you were the breadwinner!!
@mssnow (9484)
• United States
7 Mar 12
When I was married I had a weird situation. My husbands money was his and my money was mine. We agreed he would pay the bills and I would buy the groceries. Any things else we do as we wanted to with the money we had. I considered him the bread winner because he made more than me but i always had enough from my part time job to take care of my needs so I didnt mind the way things were.
• United States
7 Mar 12
usually i would say no if the bills are paid although it is common courtesy in a relationship..but if you're saving for a goal i would say yes. you can't budget if someone's not telling you how much is left.
@shadjee1 (602)
• Philippines
7 Mar 12
In a family, I think everything should be discussed first especially the budget. My husband is the bread winner in our family and he usually isn't much of a spender but there are times he cant help to spend on some things we do not really need or can't live without (but he thinks we need). Although now, we already set a budget for expenses, savings and if there is extra then he can buy whatever he likes. I just consider that as his treat to himself.
• Philippines
7 Mar 12
Its very difficult when spending our saving in non-sense things. even if I feel so guilty when they don't think the essence of what is needed to wants. he must be discipline on this kind of matters, even if he works for it at least he must know where to spend a single cent of his profit.
@wahsher (175)
• India
7 Mar 12
If your husband is doing well with other responsibilities and paying attention to all the necessary needs then I think he is free to take his own decision. But for the sake of relationship, he may ask before buying some things. It is good to save some money for future and have the financial things planned. You both need to discuss the things, which will have to do with both of you. And if that goes well then he is and you are also free to do expenses as you want.
@dazzledlady (1618)
• Philippines
7 Mar 12
No I do not think that the breadwinner should be ask if he/she wants to buy something for himself/herself. Indeed it is his/her money afterall. I am not a breadwinner but I am somewhat feeling that those people who works to give food on the table needs to give treats to themselves. It is hard to work and not to get a little something out of it. But yes I would agree with you if the spending got out of hand. Just to remind that somebody that someone is relying on him/her to support them and it is not about him/her all the time.He/she has responsibility to perform.