I love someone but I have a girl friend

Philippines
March 14, 2012 3:51am CST
Somebody help me for this one. This is a big problem for me I love someone but I have a girl friend. I don't want to hurt a girl but what should I do I love other woman. I don't want to hurt my girl friend...
4 people like this
34 responses
• Philippines
14 Mar 12
if it's true that you don't want to hurt your girlfriend, then tell her the truth. Don't make her look stupid thinking that you're faithful when you're not. Imagine if you were in her position would you be happy if your girlfriend had a relationship while you're together? I think it would hurt you. Don't be afraid to deal with the breakup. It's going to help you realize which one you want to be with. Go through it because you're going to learn something from it. It might even show you the truth and who you should be with.
2 people like this
• Philippines
29 Mar 12
I agree. That perhaps can make a way of whom he'll choose, because maybe he was just being infatuated with the other one but confused it with being inlove.
@Polgara (31)
• Germany
14 Mar 12
If you think you should break up with her, then you probably should. However, give yourself (and herself) some time to think about some important things before you make any moves. Sometimes, people who are in long relationship, or married, get attracted to somebody else. But still, most of them don't break up or divorce because of that. Even when they think they are in love with somebody else, after some time they realize that the feeling had nothing to do with love, but with curiosity instead. And then they are glad because they didn't destroy their current relationships, and also, they are suddenly again in love with their current partners. There is a saying in my country: the grass in my neighbor's backyard is always greener that my own grass. It's human, and it is natural, and most of people have been in similar situations. So think about it. Is it really love what you feel for the other girl? Are you sure? Is breaking up with your girlfriend (whom you obviously still love) worth the risk? What if you start the relationship with the other girl and it turns out that she is not the right person for you? How many times people fall in love with wrong persons, and how many times with the right person? Give yourself some time to clarify what you really feel, what you have to lose and what you could gain. Who knows, maybe you realize that you don't love this other girl, but that you are only attracted to her for some reason? Again, if you think you should break up, then you should probably do it. But don't break up because you are in love with somebody else. You should break up because the relationship doesn't work any more. The feelings are not alive any more, and never, and I say NEVER tell to your girlfriend that you break up with her because of another girl. That will not only hurt her heart, but her personal feeling of self-esteem. It is enough to say that your relationship doesn't work and has no future. You don't need to lie to her, but also, you don't need to tell her there is somebody else involved. Good luck, both to you and your girlfriend.
@Hatley (163802)
• Garden Grove, California
15 Mar 12
polgara and you think the girlfriend is so stupid she willnogt know hes been fooling around witht he woman he fell for? get real. whats wrong with telling the truth, the whole truth, so help you God it works in othe situations and will work her too. the girl friend prob ably knows something is wrong anyway so tell her the truth and set her free to find someone who will love her for herself and nobody else.
• South Korea
14 Mar 12
just think about it if your girlfriend loves any man too..what would you feel? i think you should tell it to your girlfriend asap!! the earlier the better so she could start a new life without you as soon a possible!! it might hurt her..but i think this is the best way to do... but if the girl you love doesnt really love you.. still you should not stay with your girlfriend anymore... i dont really believe that you can love two person at the same time.. I just feel sorry for your girlfriend.. and i just hope it wont happen to you too.. cause its really heart breaking...
2 people like this
@cearn25 (3456)
• Philippines
14 Mar 12
We are here willing to help you my friend. First of all, there is no wrong of loving at a wrong time. Yes, you have already now a girlfriend. Good thing you are very much aware of that. But then you have love another. What you should do now is to make a very hard decision. Think about it over and over. This decision could either be: choose your girlfriend because you don't want to ruin your relationship or choose the girl and hurt your girlfriend. Choosing is difficult. But you have to do it. You can never love to persons because someday both will hurt. I know you don't want that to happen. It is better to be true to your feelings. Be balance and be fair.
2 people like this
14 Mar 12
there is a big question did you really love your girlfriend? if you would have truely loved her then you would have not fallen in love with someone . well its your choice people get to choose what they want . don't think about hurting one or the other day some one has to get hurt .
1 person likes this
• Philippines
14 Mar 12
maybe he was fallen out of love to his girlfriend thats why he fell inlove with a new one....
1 person likes this
• Philippines
29 Mar 12
Yes, Cranos, its possible that a person can fall out of love with someone. Thats one of the many reasons why there are breakups.
@Cranos (273)
• Belgium
14 Mar 12
I don't agree. It's not because he loves someone else now that he didn't used to love his girlfriend. It's perfectly possible to fall out of love with someone.
1 person likes this
• China
14 Mar 12
Do you comform that girl also love you?I think the best choice to you is loyal to your girlfriend and become bosom friend with that girl,on the one hand you love your girlfriend and don't want to hurt her,you must unwilling to ditch her and let her sad,on the other hand keep friend relationship with that girl can also avoid hurt...
2 people like this
@Hatley (163802)
• Garden Grove, California
15 Mar 12
sangqwerty what are you telling him to keep both? wrong he will end up hurting all three of them. best he tell the girlfriend he has fallen for another and let her go to find a decent man who will love her and be faithful to her.
@derek_a (10874)
15 Mar 12
In my experience it is far better to be honest in a relationship, but first of all to make up your mind whether you want to commit to your girlfriend or you want to be with the other woman. If you want the other women, then tell you girlfriend and break it off with her. It will not be pleasant when you do it, but you are allowing her to move on.. If you want to stay with your girlfriend, then call it off with the other woman. Being dishonest in this way will only lead to future problems for you and everybody concerned.. _Derek
1 person likes this
@andy77e (5156)
• United States
15 Mar 12
Break up. It's too late for not hurting her. You already have. She just doesn't know. So you might as well tell her, and move on.
1 person likes this
@2004cqui (2812)
• United States
15 Mar 12
Sorry but, the only person you are fooling is you! I dated a guy who said this to me. I shut the door and never went back! In fact now that I think of it I was told this by another guy two years later. I shut the door and never went back. So what are you trying to do here? Are you looking to gather a harem? Good luck with that! You need to be impossibly rich to do that! Are you looking to life your life lonely and confused? You will if you go on like this, FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!
@jgirap (210)
• India
17 Mar 12
if you really love other women and don't want to hurt your girlfriend the tell her truth as early as possible,because if she would know this all from another source she would break down,so i think collect your courage and go in front of her and tell her truth.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Mar 12
I agree with you, but I would go a step further and say he should come clean with both women. If he loves one woman and the girlfriend too, both have a right to know there is another woman in the mix hereā€¦ This could get very complicated.
@jgirap (210)
• India
18 Mar 12
i also agree with your point that both of them have right to know what is happening around,but as he said he started to love another women that means his love toward his g.f has been fainting
• Philippines
15 Mar 12
Better separate first the other gf bfore having a new gf or else u will be called as a double crosser......
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163802)
• Garden Grove, California
15 Mar 12
not just be called a double crosser but an adulterer too.
• Philippines
16 Mar 12
Thank you so much both of you guys for the comments, I don't meant to love other but I found that I'm in love. It is hurt but im going to say her.
@chicgale (2982)
• Philippines
14 Mar 12
That's not fair for your girlfriend. You should tell her the truth. If you love another woman, why stay with your girlfriend? Just tell her the truth and I am sure she will understand.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163802)
• Garden Grove, California
15 Mar 12
chicgale no I do not think she will as i do not understand either unless hes keeping the girlfriend for company in case the other woman he loves does not love him back. for goodness sakes she is hurt anyway but tellher now she will be less hurt as she can find a person who will love only her.
• Philippines
16 Mar 12
Thank you so much for your advice. I will try all of my best to say even she will cry
@bonding2 (219)
• South Africa
14 Mar 12
stop punishing the girl,leave her and follow the one you love ,she probably has someone dieing for her attention elsewhere. you cant eat your cake and still have it ,have a nice day
1 person likes this
• Philippines
14 Mar 12
I agree with that!
1 person likes this
• South Korea
15 Mar 12
You need to tell the truth to your gf. If you keep hiding it from her, you'll hurt her even worse.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163802)
• Garden Grove, California
15 Mar 12
and if she finds out on her own chances are she will not just be hurt but she could end u p hating you.you have not been fair to'the girl yuou have so do it now.
@alottodo (3056)
• Australia
15 Mar 12
The question is who do really love? your girl friend or the other woman? and of top of that you don't want to hurt your girl friend? really you have already hurt her by not telling her the truth...and the other woman too! at the end of the day do you want the cake and eat it too?
• United States
15 Mar 12
truth is always best it may hurt for awhile but if you do not tell her it will hurt more and then it may lead to hate. Be sure to be kind and also be sure it is love..trust and caring, not just a play time for once you lost someone true to you it may be hard to get one back..something to think about..you cannot not have secrets they will leak out sometime..
1 person likes this
• India
15 Mar 12
Genetically and biologically, male gender in mammalians is promiscuous. However, civilization, ethics and morality define the course of action for members of society that also distinguishes them from animals. As you live your life, you'll face the dilemma several times over on different occasions and you'll need to make an ethical choice.
• Philippines
15 Mar 12
But not telling your girl friend the truth and her finding what you truly feels eventually, will do more damage to her. Don't let her be the one to find out. Be straightforward. Hurting her for telling the truth will hurt her, but if she finds out herself about it, that will be a hundred times hurtful. Be man enough, tell her the truth. You can't keep doing it because it's unfair. Just put yourself in her shoes. What if she loves another guy and you're unaware of it. You're thinking that your relationship is going well and her love remains the same because she hasn't change a thing...then you found out that she's been in love with this guy for a while, what would you do? Come clean. Honestly, I think yes you're scared that you'll hurt her, but more than that, I think you're scared of losing a girlfriend because the you might not win the person that you love and you'll end up being alone. And that is selfishness. I'm sorry, it's just what I thought. Don't take any offense.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
15 Mar 12
Choose! Either way, you'll hurt your girlfriend. It's better that you tell her the truth now before she found out because it'll give her more pain when she knew that you're just staying with her because of pity and not love.
@florizel (58)
• Philippines
15 Mar 12
Just follow what your heart is saying and do what is the right thing to do. If you don't love your girlfriend anymore, then you better leave her now. For sure, she will get hurt for loving you, but in that case, you will do her a favor, because she will not get tied up to someone who is unfaithful.
1 person likes this