back in school, bullying
By trinkabelle
@trinkabelle (432)
March 14, 2012 9:03am CST
Well, i hate to rake up my past but something amazingly strange just happened, back at school i was a victim of bullying and i had a hard time keeping up with my school work and grades, one girl i remember used to bully me on a daily basis and made life really tough for me, she never did anything to me when she was alone but when she had her peers with her she was all tough again and used to do some pretty cruel things to me, which lead me to not attending school all of the time, i never told anyone about this, i suffered in silence and my nerves got the better of me, i went into myself and i wouldn't go anywhere outside my home in case i saw her, my education suffered bad because of it, i did get a job after leaving school and now i am a successful jewellery designer with my own store, so my point is, just this morning i had a friends request in face book from a girl who was from the same school as me, i didn't recognize her name because obviously she's been married but i have been trying to catch up with some only school friends in the past, so i accepted, a few minutes later i had a private message from this girl, she told me her maiden name...low and behold...it was my bully, i didn't know what to say, i often thought about her and how horrible she was and if she was still the same to this day, but in her message she actually apologized for her behavior and said that she does remember who i was and what she did and she felt remorseful about how bad she was to me and asked me if i would forgive her. clearly she's grown up a lot, it's been over 20 years since i left school and i have gotten over that part of my life, but i did have little flashbacks for some years later, she was so sorry and i could actually feel how sorry she was, i asked her "why now"? and she said that she has often thought about what she did and she was not at peace with herself and needed to make amends with the people she had hurt in the past, one being me, we talked for a little while and eventually i told her to forget it and move on, we were young but i did let her know how her bullying affected my life and my schooling and how horrible it was to be publicly humiliated in front of all them kids, she couldn't apologize enough and asked if we could be friends, which i said yes, but i am skeptical and i am going to keep her at arms length, i will talk to her on face book but i don't think i could meet her face to face again, not after what she did, clearly she's changed and grown up since then, i am a forgiving person but back the i was a scared little girl afraid to go to school all because of her and i felt very much alone, but i can put it behind me now because she eventually took responsibility for her actions, i am glad of this, so has this ever happened to you, have you ever been bullied at school and has the bully come forward and said sorry? did you forgive them for it?
3 people like this
9 responses
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
14 Mar 12
I can certainly sympathesize with your school days/ I am sorry your were bullied but i am glad an aoology was made to you for the childish behavior. I can remember a few instances where i dreaded the school day with a passion because of bullies. Bullies don't seem to work along. there usually tends to be a group to encourage their behavior. It is sad but true. I wish that bullying in schools did not have to happen at all. I don't recall ever being apologized by a bully but i think it would be goood restitution for the crime.
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
14 Mar 12
Hi sender. I am very against bullying, whether it be in school or online.
Currently in the US there is a movie making the rounds about bullying.
Here's the link to view it on U-tube: Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjjeHeAzZZMÂ
There is also a petition you can sign if you are interested in helping to stamp out this problem:
Petition: http://chn.ge/Afgpmt
I hope the links work! lol
1 person likes this
@trinkabelle (432)
•
14 Mar 12
Hello Sender, yes you are right they do attack in groups, it may only be the ring leader but they will not act alone, i have always said that bullies are cowards and i do believe they still are, for her to come up and apologize to me was bold, but i have trust issues with people like that, so keeping her at a distance is what i will do, yes she destroyed the most important part of my life, but i came out unscathed, what didn't kill me only made me stronger
1 person likes this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
14 Mar 12
I am happy to hear that you forgave her. It was the right thing to do. I believe she was sincere, but I can understand your wanting to keep her at arms length, which is also a wise decision. Now that you've forgiven her though, I hope you too can finally put it behind you and not bring it up to her again unless she mentions it first. These days, bullying is 'news' and people are more educated as to it's cost to the victims. I know that the scars you carry into adulthood from it never go away, but they can stop hurting....
I went to a private girls school. They had bullying down to a science, so I understand how you feel. You should be proud of yourself that you had the courage to accept her request and then tell her how she hurt you and then actually forgive her. Well done you!!
1 person likes this
@trinkabelle (432)
•
14 Mar 12
Thank you Sparks, i am a forgiving person and i do believe that she only did it to gain a status amongst her friends, she has grown and so have i, she brought it up when she asked me to talk in private, so i respect her for that, she seemed sincere enough and i read her words and i do believe she is sorry, i asked her not to mention it any more as it is in the past and the past has gone and i look forward to the future, holding on to something like that will restrict me from enjoying my future, so as far as i am concerned, it's gone and forgotten, but i will only correspond with her on line and not in person, although she apologized to me, i still have trust issues with people like that, but she came forward and she made the move so that's good enough for me, i certainly wasn't expecting that, but i am glad it happened
2 people like this
@trinkabelle (432)
•
14 Mar 12
as the old saying goes Sparks, what goes around comes around, maybe this has been on her mind for so long, she couldn't live with herself, if she apologized to me to make herself feel better then she's not changed at all, but if she's apologized because she genuinely does feel bad about what she did then that's a good thing, either way, she said sorry so that's good enough for me, but i do not trust her and i probably never will
2 people like this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
14 Mar 12
I hear ya sweets. And good on you for at least giving her the chance no matter what her true motives are. After 20 years or so though, I tend to think she really is remorseful. You never know..........maybe she has someone close to her who is now being bullied badly and it's made her think. Whatever the reason, you have some closure now and that's always a good thing. Hugs to you.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
16 Mar 12
I have a great deal of respect for you. I think that even though we were children, I'm not sure I could do it. I think that keeping her at an "arm's length" is a good choice..but I do tend to keep most everyone there. I am not as open as I was when I was younger. Experience has not made me hard but it has made me cautious. The bullying thing is not something I personally have dealt with but there are always those that you know that have done it or dealt with it. It is horrible how that "hen pecking" crap goes among children. I think that if you were able to move on and do after feeling the way that you have, you have a tremendous amount of strength. I might forgive but I would not forget. The question really is..does it bring you peace too? If so...cool..if not...don't bother yourself. You are living a life here and now and you don't have to allow her anything after the way she has been to you. You have proved who has the strength.
Take care and good luck!
1 person likes this
@trinkabelle (432)
•
16 Mar 12
i decided not to have her in my friends list any longer, i do not know what her intentions are but she said sorry so that's good enough for me, having her in my friends list will be a constant reminder of what she put me through, however,. whether she apologized to make herself feel better is another thing, i spoke to someone who knows her and she tole me that she has never changed, she's still mean and she is still cruel to people, so having her in my life is something i don't want, however, i am glad that she came forward and said sorry because now i can at least lay it to rest
@ajk111 (2495)
•
14 Mar 12
Wow! That is an amazing story. I hope everything goes well on FB and that she has indeed changed her ways.
I was bullied for a short time by two people. One of them i pass regularly in the street and i get a big hello, as if we were best of friends. I think some bullys do not realise the extent of the hurt and think back on it as fun!
nice to see this has taken a good turn, good luck!
@trinkabelle (432)
•
14 Mar 12
well i was shocked to say the least, this is something i never expected in a million years, Ok, it did rake up some pretty painful memories, but she had the guts to face up to what she did, maybe it's played on her conscience for all these years and now found the time and took the chance to do something about it, she has children of her own too, so maybe one or both of them have been bullied and it's reminded her of what she did, i wouldn't wish bullying on my worst enemy, for what ever reason she contacted me is good because it has released a lot of bad feelings i had towards her, i had completely forgotten about it until today, but it's all good now, i won't be seeing her or making her my BFF any time soon, but she made the move so i respect her for that
1 person likes this
@Glitznglitter (389)
• Canada
14 Mar 12
This is a truly inspirational post. I often tell my children, one of which is heavily bullied at school because of being so shy and timid won't fight back. These bullies will one day see the errors of their ways and if they have a conscious they will regret what they have done and may not have the chance to get past the feeling they feel for doing what they did. But for my child they can grow and get past it because they themselves know they were good people, they didn't deserve the treatment they received.
I too was a bullied child growing up in school. By more than one person at that, I would leave one school behind to go to another and have the same thing happen over and over. WHY? The "nerdy" kids and I were always friends I learned allot from listening to them, and we got along great. I guess to the "immature" group that just wasn't going to do. In public school I got snow and ice thrown down my back causing some frostbite. I was teased about clothes I wore I wore what others kids wore but I apparently didn't wear it right. In middle school I had someone always wanting me to do their homework and would get into fights for just that reason I won't do another persons homework. In high school well drama gets worse in highschool, it was over a boy, I was dating the popular boy in highschool and this girl wanted him so badly. She threatened everything I said if he wants you then take him, I don't want someone who didn't want me. She started flirting with him, he went to a party with her, and he still wanted me. So I am the bad guy. Another boy really liked me and kissed my cheek just a friendly kiss to say have a great holiday (was march break) I remember it clearly he was a really nice guy. My boyfriend fought him, and ended up in jevenile hall. And the nice boy moved back to where he was from and left the school.
I have met up with most of these people and not one has every apologized for their behaviour, so I chalked it up to they still haven't grown up enough to know what they did was wrong and obviously have no remorse for how they treated a poor humble girl in school.
I learned from it -- I no longer have these people in my life, I have a hard time trusting people when I sense they aren't completely honest, I no longer where anything out of the ordinary (although improving and branching out a little tiny bit), I fight for what I believe in and don't back down without a really good reason or explanation. Although I didn't follow my dreams I know the reality I am living in is quite comfortable.
Thank you for sharing your story, I enjoyed reading it.
@trinkabelle (432)
•
14 Mar 12
i always believe that these people get theirs in the end, and they only pick on the geeky looking people because...well because they look geeky, doesn't mean they are by the way but bullies go for the weakest looking kids, ones they think they can fight, i remember a time when there was another girl "tried" to have a go at me, she made me fail one of my exams whixh was an important one, she was placed next to me and she poked at me all the way through the exam, i warned her that when class was over, she was gonna get her butt kicked, i know fighting fire with fire is wrong, but i got her good and she never came near me again, the one who apologized to me today was more intimidating than the one i kicked butt, the one i kicked butt was a verbal bully, the other one was a physical and verbal bully, for her to keep this on her conscience all them years must have been heavy on her, but at least she knew what she'd done, the thing with bullies is, they never change, inside them is that spark, so this is why i do not trust this girl 100% and i will not meet her in person, i don't mind the on line contact but that's it
1 person likes this
@jhelaimlim (102)
• Philippines
15 Mar 12
i never tried and bullied someone before... but your story are also one of the stories i have heard from friends...
and i am so happy that even though, life has been tough before and what she did affected you intensively but atleast she did tried to reach out and look for those people whom she had hurt before... you both had grown alot and its so nice that you forgive her... but yes, it would never ever be the same. but atleast you have a good life now and your past has become one of your lessons which has made you a better person. not all bad things that may happen to us have those bad effects... it could also do good and gladly, you did overcome it...
1 person likes this
@trinkabelle (432)
•
15 Mar 12
well every cloud has a silver lining as the old saying goes, but i am not sure if she did this to make herself feel better or make me feel better, i have had time to think about it and i thought, she's done this to rid herself of the guilt, but hey, i am good, if she made herself feel better then good for her, but if she did do this to help herself and not me and the others then shame on her, i hope she lives with that guilt for the rest of her life, she is the one who put us through a lot and now it's her who's got demons, i have put it behind me now, but i certainly won't be meeting up with her, what happened all them years ago is gone, my life is good and i am very happy with the way it turned out
1 person likes this
@jhelaimlim (102)
• Philippines
16 Mar 12
we cant judge of whatever motives she may have on you... but hopefully its for a good reason. i'm just glad you did move on.. leave that ghost from your past behind and move on. have a life worth living and hopefully no more people like her you will meet in the near future.. or if so, just be strong you could handle them now way too well.
@pergammano (7682)
• Canada
15 Mar 12
Good on you, trinkabelle...being a truly good soul, like you are, karma is standing you well! Nice to hear a story, where good has prevailed...and in the end (altho painful) you have learned true empathy!
I concur, I am not sure I could truly forgive..I would always bear some trepidation, as my instincts would keep me wary of some-one that has caused me so much grief in the past! I could forgive on the surface, but there would always be a little part of me, held back...a defense mechanism!
You are the better person..and always have been!
@pergammano (7682)
• Canada
15 Mar 12
I think your "good and healthy" attitude will stand you well in life! I also concur with you, now that there is some finality...you can forget and move on! There is no reason to keep dredging up the past...and re-igniting the pain!
I am, sorry tho', for your pain in the past!1 person likes this
@trinkabelle (432)
•
15 Mar 12
now that i have had time to think about it, it's been like 24 hours at least, i am not sure about her intentions, of course i am going to be skeptical, i was bullied from the beginning of high school to the end, i was 15 the last time i saw her, now i am 48, it's a long time, but over the years when the subject of bullying came up it did trigger a few memories for me, but i thought "what the heck" if this makes her feel better then yeah, i'll forgive her, it was such a long time ago, but i am feeling a little uneasy about having her as friends in my face book, however she must have thought about this long and hard for her to actually spend all that time to track me down and say sorry, i have changed names since i saw her, she may have done this to make herself feel better, i have no clue, but i am glad that she did, it's been a long time coming, in fact, i forgot all about my school past, it was only when she messaged me that it all came flooding back and i found myself getting nervous when i saw who she was in my PM, i didn't have a clue what the message would be like, if it was going to be nasty or nice, but i think that now she has apologized i can take her off my friends list and forget all about her because i don't feel the need to interact with her, we have nothing in common apart from the obvious, so now i can wipe all them memories away and say goodbye to that part of my life, i don't even want to waste my time thinking about it, so the best thing for me to do is tell her, say thank you and be done with it, she is not a person who i want to have in my life and i certainly don't want to be constantly reminded each time she says hello to me or messages me, so i will do the right thing and take her off my list, i don't have anything to talk to her about, she said sorry so that's good enough for me
1 person likes this
@ecaron (678)
• Canada
14 Mar 12
I too was bullied in school, the worst time was in high school when at sixteen , I found myself pregnant, although I tried to hide it, some kids found out and they bullied me about it. I never back to that school again. MY bullies have never come forward or apologized to me. I have pretty much forgotten those bad memories of school, unfortunately I don't have very many good memories of my school days. I am glad that your bully apologized and it seems like you have forgiven but you're right to keep her at a distance.
@trinkabelle (432)
•
14 Mar 12
i know a girl who was pregnant at school, back in the 70's it was a taboo thing and if a young girl was pregnant and still at school she was classed as a W****, these days there's teens having babies all the time and no one sniffs at it, but back then it was bad to be pregnant and still at school, but only the bullies gave these young girls that reputation, i hated watching these thugs pick on her and i tried to help her but the bullies ganged up on me too, she left school and i am still in touch with her, she has a lovely family and she is a good person, as for my bully, she was the vilest person on this earth back then, but after today i am shocked that she even remembered me, plus she did pluck up the courage to say sorry, i am sorry that you were bullied too, bullying is the worst thing ever, and it can destroy lives especially when your too scared to tell someone, i am glad that it's all in the past for you now and that your able to move on from it, i have moved on too and i feel much better now that she came forward and said sorry, but i won't be meeting her any time soon
1 person likes this
@trinkabelle (432)
•
16 Mar 12
hello, i never made your life hell, so i am assuming that your talking about someone else here, i forgave her because now i can put it all behind me and move on, so sorry that you were bullied, i do know how you feel and i sympathize with you, i hope you can put this behind you now and move on
