A life just moved on to another place

@syoti20 (5293)
Philippines
March 14, 2012 9:06pm CST
If you will noticed me I previously posted the problem of my Big Brother. His best friend just passed a way. I can't provide the details for what happen. But we are currently still mourning for his best friend. Whom we consider as our family friend. My mom and I helped my big brother to took care of his best friend. My Big Brother is really lost at this moment. I always catched him up being looking so far and tears coming out from his eyes. It was his first time that someone so close very close to him passes away. I don't know how to helped him how to moved on. Since I myself didn't went through this scenario.
3 people like this
19 responses
@stanley777 (9354)
• Philippines
16 Mar 12
Just tell your big brother that you are always there ready to help if he needs you. The way I see it, he really miss his best friend, your family's friend. Do talked to him and if possible go out with him, in that way he can forget his lost even for a while. You can tell him too that his friend is happy now that he had begin his journey to everlasting life to see our Redeemer.
1 person likes this
@whiteheron (4223)
• United States
16 Mar 12
Grief is a process... It is not something that one just gets over. Mourning takes time. He will now most likely be going through various stages of grief... There is the shock state... Nothing seems real. You don't fully believe what happened. There is the oh no why did it have to happen state? This could go into the feeling guilty for not doing all I could state, if only ... state, etc. There might me sadness. There might be anger. There might be a feeling of lack of energy. There might be a lack of sleep or sleeping too much. There might be forgetfulness and a lack of concentration... All of these and more are part of the grief process which is as individualized as are the people who experience it. Your job as relation is that of comforter when needed... Expressing sympathy, listening to him when he talks about the friend, engaging in talk about the good times, hearing him in his pain without changing the subject, tolerating his preoccupation with this until he personally is ready to move on, being patient and caring and letting him know that you are there should he need you, providing him distraction from grief should this be desired but not expecting that he partake in it... Your job is to be there but not to feel responsible for his process. Grief over losses is something you will all go through at different times in your lives. There will be times when you mourn over losing something or someone dear to you... If you have lost a pet, a job, a dream, etc. then you have tasted a little what he is feeling. I cannot stress enough the importance of helping him take care of his physical needs, food, reminders about personal care if needed, as for the person who has just lost a close friend these things tend to take a back seat. Helping him remain focused on his job and other things, although it could be frustrating for him because the mind is so confused from the loss that thinking of other things may be difficult and the ability to retain short term information might be not as good as normal, is a good thing. Best wishes to you and to your brother. I am sorry for his loss but know that friendship does not die.
1 person likes this
@atleya (947)
• Indonesia
28 Mar 12
Nothing you can do. Just let him to solve his heart himself. Time will recover everything, including his sad. It is not easy, we will always sad, when losing someone close with us.
• Philippines
19 Mar 12
Hi Syoti… Losing someone dear to you is beyond words. Words simply cannot capture what it feels like inside. But you can be with your brother and connect emotionally by being sensitive to his needs. If what he needs is simply your presence, you are there. If what he needs is for him to talk and express his grief, you are there to listen. If he feels like crying, you are by his side. And when he decides to end his grief you are there to welcome him back and to smile with him. He is lucky to have a sibling like you.
@r3jcorp (1382)
• Philippines
20 Mar 12
Prayers would do great for your brother. Bring him to a recollection seminar or any religious activity. And maybe, look for things that could keep him busy. I'm sure you will all pass this moment and would eventually move on. And the most important thing, make sure that you are always there to talk to him, to make him feel that he have a family that surely love him. Let him feel your presence and he is not alone in what he is going through.
15 Mar 12
I feel what your brother is going through. It will take time to heal the pain inside him. As for this time, the best thing you can do is to let him feel that amidst the lost you will be always there for him.
@carolscash (9494)
• United States
16 Mar 12
The pain of losing someone that we care about can seem as the greatest pain to bear. However, if the person is sick we can always be eased in our pain by knowing that they aren't suffering anymore. Tell your brother that he did his best in caring for this friend and let your brother know that he was one who the friend knew was a true friend and that the friend appreciated all that he done for them. Make sure that your brother knows that his life still matters and that he can still be a productive member of the world and just maybe he will find another friend that means as much or more to him. Maybe he can also help someone else out!
@Hatley (163984)
• Garden Grove, California
17 Mar 12
hi syoti I think you are doing just what you should do, be there for your brother as that is helping him knowing you love him and care that he is hurting right now mourning the loss of a dear friend. You do not have to had gone through this to know how to comfort your big brother, just be there for him and tell him you too are sorry for his loss.This will indeed help him to move on.We all have different times in how we grieve. when he gets there he will know he can move on.he will again be your happy big brother so just hang in there and be there for him if he needs you.It wonderful you care and worry about your big brother.You are helping him. from hatley.
@savypat (20217)
• United States
15 Mar 12
Sometimes time is the only thing you can give. Humans need to mourne. If this is not done, that energy can eat away at you for years. You can help by slowly starting to express the good memories of this loved ones life. Your goal should be to celabrate his life. Blessings
@ifa225 (11090)
• Indonesia
19 Mar 12
Hi Syoti, it is hard to move on when we lost someone who is very close to me. my mother had passed away 8 years ago. till now if i remember her, my tears still coming out from my eyes i try to rid it with work, but it is only for temporary
@ybong007 (6653)
• Philippines
17 Mar 12
Just let him be . What he is going through at this moment is perfectly normal. There's always a time for everything...There's time to be happy and there's time to mourn. Your presence is enough to assure him that you're all there for him.
@SIMPLYD (90852)
• Philippines
17 Mar 12
It is at this time, when the family's support is very much needed by your brother. Perhaps you could ask him to come with you to some gimmicks or introduce him to a hobby, which could occupy his mind and not think of his deceased friend. The family should always have a happy atmosphere whenever he is around. That way, he gets to partake of it and be entertained.
@flapiz (18306)
• United Kingdom
17 Mar 12
Well I think you could help him by just being there. Not necessarily talking because he may not want to talk yet. Just let him know that he can lean on you ALWAYS. I think time would do its trick and heal the wound eventually. Just let your brother cry all his tears. Tears can be therapeutic.
@yzb523 (8)
• China
15 Mar 12
It is very tough for you and your family .But you and your family still have your own lives ,you still have your future ,your dream . I have a idea is to finish your brother's friend's dream. It may help you relieve..
@Lakota12 (42605)
• United States
15 Mar 12
hugs him hard tell him to let it all out and cry with him too its so sad to lose someone that close and being so young
@bing28 (3796)
• Philippines
15 Mar 12
You must ask him to go with you somewhere, say at the mall, visit a relative or see other friends. He must be busy of something in order for him to somehow forget his lost friend. He should be attending mass or any other religious activities that would somehow boost his strength and feel that there are other things he could devote his time. Though at this early stage it's quite hard for him but little by little, he would recover.
@thanks1961 (7035)
• India
15 Mar 12
A loss is a pain for all and when it comes to personnel, the pain increases. But as being a human being we all are expected to follow certain natural laws. I think the 'time' should give strength and courage to overcome the situations form the loss and hopefully, he will recover slowly. What all we can do is pray for his soul and deep condolences.
@jujunme (2512)
• United States
15 Mar 12
I'm so sorry to hear about your Brothers friend, i'm sure he did the best he could to take care of him and he should be proud of being there for him as well as you and your Mom should be. All you can do at this time is be there for him when he needs a shoulder to cry on or just to talk about his friend.This is so sad but i'm sure he has some wonderful memories of his friend which will he lp him make it through.
• Philippines
15 Mar 12
Eventually we never knew what to do when he haven't been there. We can never understand totally what he feels inside. You want to comfort him but you don't know how. It seems that leaving him alone is the best way, but I guess it's not. Why not take him to some places, just tell him he needs some vacation that will surely help.