is it wrong to avoid my older sister??

@birdie816 (1276)
United States
April 8, 2012 10:55am CST
i have a sister who is 13 years older than me. we have not really had the chance to bond like me and my brother have (he is about 4 years older than me). but recently i tried bonding with her. i was seeing her at least once a week and texting her throughout the week. we went to church together and we also hung out randomly. but one day i got sick and went to the hospital. my hubby came with me and was supposrtive throughout the time i was there but when i go tout we ended up getting in a huge argument. i made the mistake of telling my sister what happened and she turned on him and even took it upon herself to tell her church what happened without my permission. anyway i ended up spending the next 3 days with her because she wouldnt let me go back home. ever since that incident things have not been the same. now she texts me and i have nothing to say to her
2 people like this
6 responses
@GardenGerty (158718)
• United States
9 Apr 12
It sounds like she is trying to be a parent, not a sister. You may need an ear to talk to if you and hubby fight, but it needs to not be her. It needs to be someone who cares about you and the relationship, and wants it to succeed. I think you should go back to your old church and some of the relationships you had there. You and your husband need to solidify your own little family.
@GardenGerty (158718)
• United States
6 May 12
Birdie, I have read your posts where you are very unhappy. I hope this talk is the beginning of you and hubby listening to each other and supporting each other. I remember being young and first married and some of the misunderstandings we had because we did not talk and listen to each other.
@birdie816 (1276)
• United States
5 May 12
i agree completly. she is not the person to tell my problems to. she just doesn't understand. she is always trying to control me and every move i make. she is so bossy and stuck up at times. anyway as for me and my husband, he says "we need to talk" tonight, so we will see what happens with that.
1 person likes this
@marguicha (218118)
• Chile
9 Apr 12
Maybe you should talk with her, telling that whatever you say to her in strickt confidence is for her to keep and not spread. After that, if all goes well, you can mend things somewaht but don´t expect things to be as before. I think we never should tell anyone about our marriage fights. We mend up but the word spreads one way or the other.
@birdie816 (1276)
• United States
5 May 12
yeah i think you are right about the marital fight thing. i noticed that it always seems to end badly when i tell anyone what is going on. but sometimes i really feel like i have to tell someone or i will go crazy. i can't deal with this by myself. anyway about my sister, we have tried to start talkimg again since that incident, but it is still awkward.
@marguicha (218118)
• Chile
5 May 12
I think that marriage fights can be helped by counselors if needed or you can ask for help if things are so bad that you want to divorce. But there´s no reason to air out a fight that will end in nothing.
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
9 Apr 12
This is exactly what my partner tells me. It's good to 'bond' with family-members but once married one must learn to 'bond' more with the mate than family. Which simply means that it's not good to tell anyone when partners fight. You see, nobody can really help you 'deal' with your life other than yourself. I think you learnt this the hard way. Anyhow, with everything said and done, I don't think I would do that again if I were in your shoes. It's okay to avoid but remember that family will always be family and the main reason why bands and groups made up of 'family' stays together or re-unites is the fact that blood is blood, you cannot really avoid them forever. I think it would be better if you don't try to avoid. But you could try to filter out what you talk to her about. You don't need to stay away totally, neither should you 'dwell' too much. But just remember that your husband is your life partner, and whatever there is between the two of you, good or bad, you should avoid spreading it to anyone - most especially family. Family will always take your side even if you are wrong. Have a great MyLot experience ahead!
@birdie816 (1276)
• United States
5 May 12
yeah it is basically impossible to avoid my family, as they always pop up eventually for one reason or another. so i will try to watch what i tell her in the hopes that she doesnt blab about my life to anyone else
@Torunn (8607)
• Norway
8 Apr 12
No, you chose your friends but not your family :-) Often, family members are your closest friends, but it can't always work out that way. I say hello to my brother if I happen to bump into him but I never do anything with him or talk to him, we just don't have anything to talk about anymore. Some of my relatives insist on doing things together just because they are relatives, not because they have anything in common. Not keeping in close contact with your close family doesn't make you a bad person, but it might make some other people thing you are weird :-) (I don't, but I do get weird looks when people find out I have no idea what my brother's up to)
@birdie816 (1276)
• United States
5 May 12
i can understand where you are coming from. sometimes i feel like i am an alien in my family. i feel like they could care less if i show up to family events anymore becasue i don't fit in, but i don't really care anymore. i was only trying to tolerate alot of them because they were related to me.
• Philippines
9 Apr 12
well at some point,she made a mistake about telling others about your issue with your husband but what you need to do is tell her what you feel and after then it's your choice whether you still want to have anything to do with her.I have an older sister too and we are very close ...and whatever secret we have stays within us and if we have arguments or within the family..it stays inside our walls
@birdie816 (1276)
• United States
5 May 12
well you are lucky to have such an understanding and considerate sister. i tried to tell her how i felt and she basically just insulted me and implied that she doesnt even like me. so i stopped talking to her for a while until she randomly called me one day to yap about her life to me (it kind of felt like i was a last resort because she couldnt reach any of her other friends) but i tried to be nice and engage in conversation with her. i guess you could say we are attempting to create a bond, but it is not going the best
• India
23 Jul 12
It is always good to be in good terms and close to ones siblings. This may however not be the case for all of us. Bonds are developed from child hood and we are closer to siblings who aren’t far apart from us with regard to age but older siblings have been through experiences that we haven’t and may be helpful in some situations. We need to keep them close.
@birdie816 (1276)
• United States
17 Aug 12
i agree, but it is definateely easier said than done. just recently (within the past week) my sister called me and i didn't have the slightest clue what to say to her. my conversations with her are among the most awkward i have ever had