A pregnant teenager and her decision

@maximax8 (31141)
United Kingdom
April 28, 2012 9:07am CST
Last night I watched a documentary about a 17 year old lady that was on birth control but when she took antibiotics she got pregnant. Her relationship with her boyfriend was off and on going hot and cold constantly. Interesting the lady herself was adopted and her adoptive parents pushed her hard to adopt her baby boy. She faced a roller coaster of emotions and really wanted to keep her baby boy. In the end she chose open adoption. I noticed that with that the biological parent gets to stay in contact with the adopting couple. Is it hard for an American teen to become a single mom? What do you think of open adoption in the USA?
3 people like this
12 responses
@silverglint (2000)
• Philippines
1 May 12
Though adoption is much better than abortion, I still think it would be better for her to try to raise her child herself. Open adoption poses the risk of competition between the real parent and the adoptive parents, they might fight for the love and affection of the child and eventually cause confusion. Raising a child at 17 is indeed hard, but if she has people who will support her, ideally, her adoptive parents, then she will be able to pull it off.
@sid556 (30980)
• United States
29 Apr 12
I think it is a great idea. I think more young girls would go that route if they knew they had that option. I wonder if many of them are actually offered it? Many of them really do want to keep the baby but really can't offer a good life. It's so hard for them and the babies they bring into the world when there is virtually no support from their families. I think it is the better option for both the child and the mother. The child doesn't grow up forever "wondering" about whether or not his/her mom loved him, why she gave him/her up etc. They grow up knowing that two strangers loved enough to raise him as their own and the mother is still a big part of his life. There is so much love there. It's beautiful.
1 person likes this
@ShyBear88 (53330)
• United States
29 Apr 12
No its not hard for teens in American to become single mothers. Its every easy a lot of them are actually single moms not many teens here in American choice adoptions at all most will keep there babies and do it on there own but they risk the fact that there own child will become a teen parent as well, they are also twice as likely with in the first 2 years of having there first child to have another one. I think open adoption is wonderful here in the USA the parents of that baby when they adopted choice to keep it open by sending pictures or letters every so many months as part of the agreement when they sign the papers as legal parents to that child. Also every so often the biological parent has the choice if the adopted parents present them with the ability to see that child in person. A lot of biological parents like this even though they don't get to see there child every day they get to know what is going on in there child's like here and be part of it as much as the adoptive parents allow them to be.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40201)
• Canada
28 Apr 12
I am for adoption when you cannot keep the baby rather then abortion. With an open adoption, you do not have to go through all the trouble what happens when years later the doctor tells you have a genetic disorder or in most cases, the doctors tell the adoptive parent or the child who was adopted that they have something that may need a blood or bone marrow transplant from a birth parent and they cannot find her. Most girls keep their babies because they were told that if they did not, they really did not love that baby. Back in the 1960s when I put my infant for adoption, adoptive people were considered wonderful, but for some reason, some of the conditions made it hard to give a child for adoption, that is the closed adoptions. The conditions were that you were not to look for the baby - all right if the child looked for you years later when she or he was an adult. Also you had to tell your fiancé or your boyfriend who was serious about marrying you what you had done and the results then was that there was a high condition that they might leave you. So many of the birth mothers never married or married later in life unless the boyfriend they were sleeping with and who got them pregnant married them. There were some girls who never told, but there are also girls who do not get stretch marks and go back to the same weight they had before they got pregnant. I think open adoption is a good thing as it avoids all this problem,
@suspenseful (40201)
• Canada
28 Apr 12
Oh I forget about the single mom bit. It would be hard as she has to depend on her parents unless she makes a good income and has someone to look after the baby when she is at work. Also she has to have a male influence so unless the boyfriend is in her life, it is not that good for the child.
@maximax8 (31141)
• United Kingdom
28 Apr 12
Thanks for your excellent response. I think that open adoption gives the lady a chance to continue her studies and build a great future for herself.
@sid556 (30980)
• United States
29 Apr 12
Good points, Suspenseful. Many times in an open adoption the adoptive parents will help the girl out. I read a book about this situation last year that was based on a true story and the couple took the young mother under their wing.
@Cherish14 (2693)
• Philippines
29 Apr 12
oh that's just too much for a 17 year old to handle she should still be enjoying the life of a teenager at this time of her life. there are a lot of cases here like that too in my country but i am just hoping that all these young ladies get through all these challenges in their lives and see them as a lesson that will make them stronger. open adoption can cause good and bad effects too to the child and parents. it just depends on how they deal with it.
• Netherlands
17 May 12
How come it's hard for an American teen of 17 to handle? In America teens are allowed to do way more adult things as in my country. They drive cars, drink, their school life is completely different, same with their social life etc etc. This whole life style has nothing to do, according to me, with being a teen and enjoying being a teenager, which btw is over at 18 since you are an adult. Teenagers over here start working at the age of 13, they learn to manage money, etc. Young girls all over the world become mothers and raise their kids fine. Perhaps this nearly adult is more interested in goin out and never teached how to be responsible? Same for the parents (who probably feel ashamed) and the "dad".
@Cherish14 (2693)
• Philippines
19 May 12
well not all 17 year old's have the same level of growth, maturity and understanding of life. it's the same here but i mean its too early for that.
@chiyosan (30196)
• Philippines
28 Apr 12
Ah.. How come people is the us are pushing for teenage mom to have their babies sent out for adoption? I now theyare too young to be parnts and are too young to care for their own children... But here in the Philippines there are a lot of teenage pregnancies as well but these babies are seldom put up for adoption. Mostly the parents of the teens would take care of the both of them until the mother is able to support the child on her own. I know a couple of thise who got pregnant at younger ages... They continued with the pregnancy and the baby. This peobably may be because our culture thinks morw of not giving away a family member. I think the opwn afoprion in the us... Might have actuallt cased more teens npt to be careful with what they do... Ita like giving them another choice....and that is to let them realizze the full extent of hat one moment they had to let go of their young attitude and start acting like real men and women who shiuld suffer the consequencs of a bad choice.
@maximax8 (31141)
• United Kingdom
28 Apr 12
Thanks very much for telling me about teenage pregnancy in the Philippines. It is lovely when a mom and dad help their teenager daughter care for her baby. I had my first baby at age 22 years old and I was married plus had my own home. So I can only imagine what it is like to become a mom at 17 years old.
@maximax8 (31141)
• United Kingdom
28 Apr 12
Hi Writers Edge. Yes, every family situation is different. It was very sad that in your teenage years your mom had cancer and your dad had a triple bypass. Yes, if you had got pregnant then your family probably wouldn't have been able to keep the baby.
@5mahi05 (666)
• India
28 Apr 12
OMG! at the age of 17, the teenage girl adopting a baby boy or being a single parent is something totally impossible to be smooth until and unless the girl has great parents who are all rich and helping their daughter.
@maximax8 (31141)
• United Kingdom
28 Apr 12
I think that her parents should have been more helpful to her in the pregnancy. I believe they were rich enough to keep the baby.
@sid556 (30980)
• United States
29 Apr 12
I think that you could be right. Adoption is not cheap. Ya know, I don't have a lot of money but if that were my daughter, I'd bend over backwards to help her raise that baby if that was her choice. That is, afterall, my grandchild. As it is, I do help my daughter who struggles to raise her baby. I babysit on all my nights off so that she can work and I am always doing whatever I can to help. Love is the most important thing here.
@AmbiePam (59066)
• United States
28 May 12
I wouldn't do open adoption for the simple fact that the biological mom has six months to decide if she wants her child back. A friend of mine adopted a baby, and it was an open adoption. They stayed in contact with the birth mother, but when the birth GRANDmother found out the adoptive parents were white and not black, she persuaded her daughter to take the baby back. And just like that, that little boy was taken away from them.
@JenInTN (27516)
• United States
13 May 12
It is hard for them but it is also quite common these days. There are programs and such to help these teens but they have to have a great amount of will power to get out of the system once they get in. It is like a web I think. For example..if they are not working, they can live on some or total assistance but even a minimum wage job for a month would have their benefits cut or even they might have to pay a certain amount out of it. Minimum wage is not much. People that do make minimum wage are considered under the poverty level the government here has established number wise. Childcare often takes almost all one makes. Minimum wage full-time(40hrs a week) workers here make around $300 a week before they tax them then with one child the average babysitting fee is $75 a week. It can be tough.
@albto_568 (1268)
• Costa Rica
30 Apr 12
I wonder how mature a 17 years old child is to make such a decision, did she look ahead enough? I hope this is the best for the boy, but I think that the parents of the girl were more concern on their own interests than hers, and this may eventually bring problems between the two families, when there comes a disagreement on what is the best for the boy, when a desicion has to be make, but, I hope I am wrong, for the child´s sake.
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
29 Apr 12
I wonder.. does it matter if you are an American teen or a teen elsewhere and are pregnant? This whole story sounds to me as being forced to let your child adopted. I think it's everywhere hard to be a single mom. I have been there too btw.. I was 17, my whole family (and the father of the child) dumped me. I was forced to give her away, I nearly did it but I am happy I refused and did what I thought it would be the best. I survived all alone and my daughter is one of the greatest and sweetest persons there is in the world. She is talented, high educated, creative and next to her job also a great model. Open adoption is there all over the world as well.. at this moment I have big doubts about adoption generally speaking. There is something seriously wrong the way they handle it.
@doryvien (2290)
• United States
29 Apr 12
I agree with the girl's decision - opt for open adoption. That way she can still see and stay close to her baby, and she's lucky that her adoptive parents are very supportive of her. I think becoming a single mom at an early age of 17 is difficult no matter where you are or what country you are in coz at that age, a girl is not yet ready financially and emotionally, and she's too young for this kind of responsibility. Given a very limited option, going for open adoption is a good way to go.