Desperate for wedding.
By Nikhabele
@Nikhabele (166)
South Africa
May 13, 2012 2:10am CST
My sister has a friend who's so desperate to get married tap hat she'd do whatever it takes to get somebody to marry her. In fact she's not as desperate for marriage as she's desperate for convenience. This lady was married for six years, and she was unemployed all the time, three years ago she started working and within six months she decide she doesn't love her husband and she never loved him. Did I tell you they have two kids? She started having affairs outside and the husband found out, instead of showing remorse she told him she has never loved him, she married him because she couldn't find the job.
She filed for divorce and moved out to find an apartment and stay there alone while she took the kids to her mother's. The reason for a quick decision was to show her then boyfriend(married man) that she's serious about their affair cause apparently when they met the guy also told her he's having problems with his wife. So the agreement was they going to divorce their partners and get married. Needless to say, this is the third year, the guy never divorced his wife and they are not together anymore as the wife found out and threatened her and there was a lot of melodrama.
So now this lady wants marriage again so desperately, but she swears she won't go back to her ex husband who, to my amazement, still claims that he still wants her back. I mean after three years, already there's a woman with whom he stays with but he claims if his "wife" can come back the new lady will have to understand that he has children wit this woman.
Every time she meets a man she wants to move in with him because "she wants to show the seriousness". I guess thats what she did with the ex husband but now tables have turned, she's forever crying broke, remember the ex used to pay for everything. Now she's on her own.
1 person likes this
6 responses
@jkct02 (2874)
• Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia
13 May 12
If a marriage is not founded on love, it is a meaningless marriage. It is just right that it is not taken seriously. That girl is quite poor and sad. Maybe there was something we don't know about that made her do that. Isn't it every girl's dream to have someone who loves her deeply and willing to do everything for her? She may still be searching. But the way she goes about it may not be the best. Sometimes when everything is said and done, one just has to accept that it is the fate. She has to settle down.
@Nikhabele (166)
• South Africa
13 May 12
You've said it all jkit. I told my sister to also get it through her skull that she's no longer young and people who'd marry her are married themselves. And also the fact that you say she should be poor, I can confirm that she's not from a well off family which to me doesn't explain her behavior, she's not the only person born in a poor family. If I was her I'd have registered and studied further and make a difference in my life.
@jkct02 (2874)
• Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia
13 May 12
Sorry I didn't make myself clearer. The 'poor' word was supposed to mean 'pitiful'. I feel sorry for her if she has to do what she is doing out of desperation and need. Sometimes a person with just a blip of a thought and decides to do something which completely changes the path of his/her life. She might not have had the best of advices when she did what she did. But who could really see the future?
@bjc66bjc (6730)
• United States
13 May 12
Hi Nikhabele, I don't want to sound insensitive, but good
for her...she sounds just like a real USER, with no consideration
of the feelings of others...
I really believe that in the world you reap what you sow..You
can not treat people any kind of way and expect life to be a bowl
of cherries...
@Nikhabele (166)
• South Africa
14 May 12
No you are not sounding insensitive at all jbc, that is why it's called a discussion. We are talking and exchanging clever ideas here. Needless to say, I also think it serves her right because she wants to come and go in the life of he ex husband. And another thing this person is playing with he opportunity that a lot of people would only dream of. I'm not saying people must sit in relationships that don't have or add value to their lives but I feel like she wasted her chance.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
13 May 12
That's so sad. The girl is never going to be truly happy unless she marries for love and love only. The best thing this girl could do for herself is to go out and get a job. She will feel so much better about herself and not so apt to be desperatly trying to find a guy to support her. Maybe the next time she marries, she will actually be in love
@Nikhabele (166)
• South Africa
13 May 12
The lady is working but she's still not fulfilled. I think it's because when she was still married she saw only the potential husbands out there. That's what she always says, that whenever she was coming to work, she'd meet a different new, handsome man, now they all disappeared. So she really acted like a sixteen year old who doesn't know that the perfect person doesn't exist.
I can only hope that the next time around she should marry for love, as it now, love is not what she's looking for. She's looking for convenience and getting back to her ex husband because the ex told her she'll never find someone like him again.
@celticeagle (159606)
• Boise, Idaho
14 May 12
Some people are just down right weird. They want what they don't have and then when they get it they don't want it anymore. ANd people are in too much of a hurry to get married. They don't communicate and get to know one another and then we start having trouble they can't imagine what went wrong.
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
13 May 12
I find it amazing how well you seem to know your sister's friend. Ever been there yourself? Do you know how it feels to be married to someone you don't love? This besides of the fact you can find out about this after years since people do change. She did change, she became someone new at the moment she did found a job. Many women change because they are less independent.
Do you know how it feels if you love someone? If you are willing to give up your life for that person (most women are willing to do so, men are seldom doing the same). If that person is not doing the same for you as you do for him? Ever been there? Do you know how it feels if everybody is judging you while your whole life is falling apart? What would you do to prove you are serious if it comes to a (new) relationship and everybody already knows you are not serious at all.. or at least label you that way. Can you look into her heart?
Perhaps she is just one of these less honest people. Who knows she is not loving her husband the way she should be, who is not crawling back to him because she has no place to go. Don't you think it's honest to admit you don't love someone? It doesn't take a lot of courage to say so? Isn't it the most easy thing she can do to go back and do as if nothing has happened?
And if it comes to the husband.. an other woman after 3 years is not fast, most men have an other woman after 3 months it's proved, women after 5 years! You think this husband is a honest guy? To say he will dump this woman as soon as his wife comes back to him? I hope his gf will have the courage to dump him first since this doesn't sound like love to me at all, more like abusive behaviour of someone who needs a free housekeeper, cook, laundry lady, baby sitter, etc etc.
It's not said she will cry forever, it's just the way you see it. The world is full with heart broken people and most of them do survive, they find a way and even a new love in their life as soon as they found themselves again.
It sounds to me you find her stupid since her husband payed for everything but I can assure you money, getting your bills payed is not paradise if you don't love the guy who is doing so and you have to give favours because of that. Nothing is so terrible as that.
@Nikhabele (166)
• South Africa
13 May 12
Shame kitty you sound sad yourself. Oh by the way she did go back to the ex husband in the beginning of this year and by the end of march she moved out again. So it's not like I think I know it's because all she does is talk talk talk and act like she can control the circumstances in her life. Did I tell you that the ex husband had bought her the car? Now the reason why she's running so recklessly around is because she says she can't afford to pay for the car and live her life at the same time.
I'm not being judgmental here I'm talking about someone who buys new clothes every month and comes to tell us that she doesn't afford to pay for the car. She buys clothes because she always wants to look like she's on top of her game. She was living in a double storey house that she wasn't paying a cent for. So she thought if it happened before it will happen again. I'm not celebrating her downfall I'm feeling sorry for her, but guess what she still feel like she can just get any man she wants and get him to marry her.
@jvincent_129 (4994)
• Philippines
13 May 12
Please don't be desperate. I think that woman is a golddigger. She doesn't deserve someone good and kind like her ex-husband. That's karma for her. She should realize that she made a mistake and change from that.
@Nikhabele (166)
• South Africa
13 May 12
I wish she was clever enough to realize that kvincent, but guess what, she doesn't seem to see her mistake, she just feels like one day soon she'll get someone to marry her. And give her what she refers to as good life. I think good life would be her indepence.
