Do you find it difficult to let go of the past?

@Pose123 (21635)
Canada
May 25, 2012 7:30pm CST
Often we hear someone say things like, if only I had taken that job, or why did I go on that trip, but we should never spend our time beating ourselves up, about something that is passed and cannot be changed. Yet, thousands of people do it every day, thereby denying themselves any chance for happiness in the present. Probably all of us have done this at some time in our life, but if we are smart we have quickly moved on. Whether it was something that we said five minutes ago or five years ago, we cannot take the words back. Make amends when and where possible, but do not keep going back to it in our thoughts. As a friend said to me recently, I’ve decided to stop ‘shoulding’ myself. Who has experienced this problem and how have you handled it?
5 people like this
20 responses
@fatlex06 (895)
• Philippines
31 Aug 12
I have experienced that when I took the wrong course ( I mean the one that I don't like and the one which my mom chose) in college. After graduation, I don't really want to apply in a bank or in an office so I really regretted the course that I took. But I realized I can't do anything about it. Fortunately, I got a job that's not related to my course. And I told myself that I will study again next year and this time, I will take the course that I really wanted. I didn't had a hard time handling my regrets form the past, I just really have to let go of it because it already happened. I just have to face the future for the betterment of myself.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
31 Aug 12
Hi fatlex, Thank you for sharing your story. It is never wise to let another chose for you, even if it is your mother or father, it will only bring unhappiness. I'm pleased that you have decided to return to school and follow your own desires.Blessings.
@fatlex06 (895)
• Philippines
1 Sep 12
I agree . That was really unhappy, but I don't have confidence that time to choose what I really want. I think I was so afraid to take risk in those days. Anyways, I learned from it. Thanks too. ;)
@lakantar (1573)
• Greece
26 May 12
Well if it is something really important I do rethink it again in the future especially when I've done something not in the way I wanted to, since it helps me not doing the same mistakes in the future but if it is something not that important I don't think so.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
26 May 12
Hi lakantar, It is good to learn from past mistakes. I was talking about rehashing the past and getting ourselves upset every time we think about it. Thanks for your response. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@lakantar (1573)
• Greece
1 Jun 12
I see, about that I just try to solve it somehow by myself since if we do get upset about the past we end up not having a good present and a good future too at times :)
• India
26 May 12
there is only 1 phase of my life i would always regret about is tat i had quit my well paying job in the wrold's number 1 bank and came to marry my boyfriend.. where as he turned to be a cheat. found him cheating on me with several girls. hated him for what he did to me. i dumped him and carried on with my life.. that was the day took an oath for myself tat guys lik him are worthless creatures on earth and dont deserve any of our space in life.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
10 Jun 12
Hi bhartirao, Thank you for sharing your story but I hope that someday you can put it behind you and move on. The past is just that and cannot be changed. The bitterness you hold against your boyfriend is hurting yourself, and for the sake of your health and happiness, I hope that you will someday be able to move on. Blessings.
• Mexico
29 May 12
Hi Pose: At least not in my case. I feel that we don't do anything just by living in the past. If we have a bad experience we could use it to learn from this lesson, to work for our future and to grow up as person. But if we always remember negative things to blame the others for what we have done or for the things that just couldn't be, we won't make any progress and we could not find the love that is present in the world and also we would forget the things that are around us and we should be thankful of. ALVARO.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
10 Jun 12
Hi starsailover, You are right my friend, living in the past prevents us from enjoying the present. Thank you for sharing. Blessings.
@RitterSport (2451)
• Lippstadt, Germany
28 May 12
hi dear Pose its not easy to let go of the past. My example may be a bit unusual but the maternal family where I grew up after my parents divorce when I still was a toddler, had way too much influence on me and it wasnt the best influence. Of course I didnt notice as a kid, but I was brainwashed into believing certain stuff to be true and so I vividly opposed my father at the regular visits to him which were forced on me by court order. I thought my mother is a hero. I got critical of course in my teen years like anyone else would. I didnt cause her any real trouble or heartache. I was a loner, always did my homework, practised learning two instruments, went to church on Sunday and still this wasnt enough. My own mother didnt accept me as I was due to some health limitations and as a perfectionist she enjoyed making my life miserable and bossing me around. Sad thing is that even when I rented my own place I still acted as I was told/shown/ taught instead of living my own life. My mother needing help for the last 1,5 years of her life again put more stress on me cause I relocated part time to help her out. Again, no word of appreciation from the family. Being kicked in the azz and mocked instead. It was no sooner than during these trying months turning into more than a year that I was bold enough to face the truth of my upbringing and the brainwashing. Soooo when my mother left this world, a year ago, I felt free for the first time in the then 49 years I lived on this earth so far. Free to make my own decisions, live my life, make MY mistakes and celebrate MY personal successes. It was a feeling like most young people have when they graduate. Things like, the world is open for us now and we can start living our life. I am very thankful to God for this past year when I took my life back and made the best of it. In fact it was so good that I can say when my life would end tomorrow I would not be too upset as my life was filled to the brim and overflowing for that past year of good and wonderful experiences. When my mother passed away first it was like a huge back pack falling from my exhausted shoulders. She would not brainwash me any more and not be able to manipulate me any more. Good. The sky never looked bluer, the grass never greener and I deeply inhaled FREEDOM I still do and it still feels great. But I had nightmares for a while and also just the most painful situations jump into my mind from one moment to the next. Sometimes I get so angry at myself and think why did you 1diot not break the bridges when you moved out with 31 years and your mother was 70 and still okay healthwise..... that would have been the proper way of dealing with the situation. Cant just shake it off when these things surface.....
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
10 Jun 12
Hi RitterSport, Yours is a very sad story but happily you are now free to make your own decisions in life. I have often wondered why some parents seem to enjoy controlling their children's lives to such an extent. I hope that you will someday put even the anger behind you. Have a long and wonderful life my friend. Blessings.
@ginspearl (209)
• Philippines
30 May 12
The words if only I as already an abused word to me. The chances and opportunities that I missed, the love that I've lost, the friendships that had passed are some of the few things that are really hard to let go. I often asked my self the unending what if question though I've come to realized that everything happens with a reason.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
10 Jun 12
Hi ginspearl, Thank you for sharing your story and you have learned a very important lesson, everything does happen for a reason. Learn to trust life and live for today. Blessings.
@sukumar794 (5040)
• Thiruvananthapuram, India
26 May 12
The saying goes thus : Let bygones be bygones. There really is little benefit in worrying or rejoicing over past events or happenings. Whatever which has been a thing of the past could never be changed or altered for the better.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
30 May 12
Hi sukumar, That is very true. Thank you for responding. Blessings.
@jpso138 (7851)
• Philippines
26 May 12
I used to think that way. Asking myself why I have not done this.. What if I did this and many more. It seems that such kind of thinking will lead me to nowhere. Luckily, I have decided to move on and live each day with a positive attitude. Look, it is good to look at the past, but we should live not of the past but use the past to learn to live better in the present and make a better future...
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
30 May 12
Hi jpso, Thank you for sharing and I agree. Blessings.
@dodo19 (47139)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
26 May 12
Sometimes, I do find that it can be difficult to let go of the past. Some may have an easier time doing it than others, but it's not always the case for me.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
30 May 12
Hi dodo19, I agree that it isn't easy but we must all try to stop upsetting ourselves for something that we did or didn't do. It is necessary if we want to be happy and healthy today. Of course I'm not talking about good memories which are always pleasant to think about. Thank you for responding. Blessings.
@jaimz19 (236)
• Philippines
26 May 12
I think this is a very common situation which could happen to anyone of us. I've been a victim of this also. What's important is that we leArn to get out of it as early as we can. Maybe at times we have to realize and accept our faults to help us overcome our vulnerabilities.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
30 May 12
Hi jaimz, I agree that most people have the problem at some time but it's best to realize that we must learn from the past and move on. Thank you for commenting. Blessings.
• Philippines
26 May 12
Yes, it is really hard to let go, but as time passes by it will be easier. I despise those people who regrets and who keep on using "If I should". We can't undo the past. What matters most is that we live for TODAY. Stand straight for the choices we made in life.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
10 Jun 12
Hi craziestqueenever, You are absolutely right and thank you for sharing. Blessings.
@ryanong (9665)
• Vietnam
26 May 12
Well, the past is the past, we are living for the present and for future only so that better let the past is slept. I used to be a person who often think of the past, what mistake i got and i could not forgive myself...but with the time, i understand that, if i do like that, i just waste my life time only. If i can't forgive myself, then who will do it? if i think much of the past, who will live for my current life and who will care my future? right now, i am very positive when thinking of life even though life goes up and down...but in my mind, i am living for today and tomorrow only...
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
10 Jun 12
Hi ryanong, Thank you for commenting and you have the right idea. Blessings.
• United States
26 May 12
Hi Pose. I think sometimes I am that way. I think a lot about my past. I wish I had made different decisions in part. I cry a lot about the past. I think about my daughter not knowing her father. She met him after 40 years. He never bothered to reach out to her after our divorce. When I divorced him, he divorced her, you might say. Out of sight out of mind. I don't regret my marriage to him, because he gave me a beautiful daughter. I raised her by myself with my parents help. I don't like the way my former husband ignored my daughter all her life. But part of me still loves him for being her father, and she wants nothing to do with him. She said seeing him last summer was closure to her. She may change her mind, but I doubt it. I support her in however she feels about her father.. but I wish her father and I could come together as friends and maybe she would be more accepting of him. But my daughter doesn't want me to get involved at all to reach out to him. He said I was his past and he wanted to leave me there. He said she was also his past, but he was willing to get to know her... but it didn't work out. He doesn't even talk to her anymore.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
30 May 12
Hi PointlessQuestions, While there is good in everyone,sometimes things are best left in the past. It's always sad when a parent deserts a child and you may never know why your husband decided to do that. It's very likely that it had something to do with his own upbringing. I think it might be best to let him make the next move, if he ever decides to do so. In any case, you should stop giving yourself such a hard time.You raised your daughter and you support her in her decision regarding her father and that is enough. You cannot change the past and it might have been much worse for both you and your daughter if you had decided to stay with your husband. For your own health and happiness, put it behind you and live for today. Blessings.
@plekenut (365)
• Indonesia
26 May 12
sometimes i want to have a special power, such as 'butterfly effect' in that movie. i am very lost when i remind about my mistake in the past, and want to fix it. but we may not be lost with the past. we must concern about now then tomorrow. Don't left behind.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
10 Jun 12
Hi plekenut, Thank you for commenting and I feel that you will do fine. Blessings.
@barehugs (8973)
• Canada
26 May 12
At age 78 I often look back over my life and thank God, for showing me all the good moves, and helping me make them. I can honestly say that I must have had divine guidance. But allow me explain that I passed up opportunities, that in hindsight would have made millions. I did not choose those paths then, and now I am sure I made the right move. “Life is what you make it. Always has been, always will be.” ? Eleanor Roosevelt.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
29 May 12
Hi barehugs, Thank you for sharing those thoughts, especially the quote from Eleanor Roosevelt. If you feel sure that you made the right move than you clear that you did. Blessings.
@visijay32 (447)
• Philippines
26 May 12
Guilty as charged. I, too went through this phase. What I did is to reflect on what I wanted to do in my life and not what should have I done. It takes a lot of will power to focus single-mindedly about now and towards the future.
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
29 May 12
Hi visijay, You said it my friend, thanks for the response. Blessings.
@SinfulRose (3527)
• Davao, Philippines
26 May 12
I usually do this every once in a while. But only for a few seconds after the action. I mean, after I did something, sometimes I regret it after a few seconds. Give me at least 30 seconds and I usually get out of it. You see, if I am about to make a very big decision that may change the course of my life, I usually take at least a week to think it off. I'd rather not be impulsive in something like those decisions as I tend to lose something and gain something that'll make me lose more. And besides, if people start to think like that, won't they start blaming others soon too for their failures? I'd rather not be like that as I believe that MY decisions should come from ME and not from others.
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
29 May 12
Hi SinfulRose, Very well said, our decisions should always be our decisions. It is easy to get into the habit of thinking about about what we should have done, but it just stops us from taking advantage of what's being offered today. Thank you for your comments. Blessings.
• India
26 May 12
I always regret at my doings in the past. When a situations comes that reminds me of my work in the past, I can't just let it go and suddenly, like a smoke, the regret starts to fill around me and I get depressed. But I share this feeling with my best friend and all problems solved!!!
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
29 May 12
Hi musicloverfriend, Having someone to talk with when we become depressed is good for all of us. I'm pleased that you have such a friend. Thank you for sharing. Blessings.
• United States
26 May 12
I used to say this a lot, but now I just accept the past as it is and figure I had to go through what I did for a reason. I wouldn't have learned the important lessons without those trials.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
26 May 12
Hi rewardsinlife, Thank you for sharing and I agree that everything happens for a reason and you were wise to realize that and move on. Blessing.
• Philippines
26 May 12
Hello Pose123, I used to have problems dealing with letting go. However, these experiences helped me realize that no matter how much we do not want goodbyes, eventually we will face it in one way or another. I guess the very first thing I made myself learn is acceptance. Once I accepted something, it is easier to let go.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
29 May 12
Hi ladyhemingway, Thank you for sharing and I agree with you. It's not always easy but when we accept that we have no choice it becomes easier. Blessings.