What should a teenage relationship look like?
By Rocketj1
@rocketj1 (6955)
United States
June 8, 2012 7:30pm CST
Ok. This seems like a rather general question so I will try to tell you just what I am getting at.
My son is 17 and has just graduated from HS this past week. He has a girlfriend who is 15 and two grades below him in HS. So in other words, she will be a HS junior next year. They have been dating for under a year. He seems to always be in some sort of "hot water" with her. He has told us (my husband and me) that she is extremely jealous of other girls and any other activities that he may be involved in. He is a good kid. No, he's not perfect, but he is not dating around, doing drugs or treating her abusively. He is just extremely active in all sorts of things. He has tons of friends, acts in plays, is currently making movies and has various odd jobs. So he is very busy. I often ask him if he even has time for a girlfriend and he sometimes wonders the same.
She calls him up and chews him out about everything. "Where were you? Why do I ask to hang out and YOU never do? Why were you talking to that girl at school?" etc. etc. etc.......
He admits that he could probably spend more time with her but that he's not sure that THAT would make her happy anyway.
She told him today that because they are dating, SHE should be his TOP priority.
What do you think of that? How much time SHOULD teens that are dating spend with each other? Is this normal for her to demand this? Is this common for girls her age? I can understand being more demanding of someone's time if you are an adult or especially if you are married. But as teens?!
Personally, I think I am so glad that I did not date in HS, but rather hung out with a BIG group of my best friends. I had a blast! My son, on the other hand, always seems to be getting chewed out for having fun. What a pain THAT would be!
4 people like this
16 responses
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
9 Jun 12
HE BETTER GET GOING WHILE THE GOING IS GOOD. I think it's ridiclous that she is acting this way at such a young age. It's downright scary when u think about it. I don't have daughters but i have seen alot out of girls w/two sons. I really don't understand where they are coming from. I would discorage this relationship every chance i got.
@rocketj1 (6955)
• United States
9 Jun 12
He says he loves her. And when they are having fun together, they are great. She is over here frequently and I really think she can be sweet. But, I really hate to see him so torn up! She actually told him that if he tried out for a role in the next production at our local theater, that she would no longer speak to him! ...... Today, however, he said "screw it! I'm trying out for it! So what if she doesn't talk to me!" LOL!
@spazz435 (322)
• United States
11 Jun 12
Realistically, the relationship will not last. I think the only thing that you as a parent need to make sure of is that they are not sexually active. The last thing they need is a bad relationship that is on the verge of ending and then finding out that she is pregnant. Then there is no way of getting out of it. And being 17 just a year ago, I know that 17 year olds are not in the propper place mentally and physically to raise their own children.
@kenshin2143 (1880)
• Philippines
12 Jun 12
Well said, As spazz mentioned already. Teenagers should be allowed to enter such relationships but it should have its limits. Parents should exert more time and attention to their children to monitor if they are sexually active.
Most teenagers thinks that they can manage their own independently, what they do not know is that their capabilities are not yet ready and mature in many aspects in life, most especially in raising a child. They should be lead to a proper path to build a better future for them.
@Lauraleigh99 (4718)
• United States
9 Jun 12
She's 15... That is normal behavior at that age. Jealousy, insecurity, etc... It is hard as a teen to be dating cause you want to spend all of your time with your love but I agree that relationships shouldn't be serious at that age. They should be hanging out with big groups of friends, having fun and enjoying HS life. She sounds a little controlling but I did the same thing at that age cause of insecurities.
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
12 Jun 12
It sounds like she is being overly demanding. If she feels that strongly, maybe she should cool it for a while. I do think that it is typical for a girl to think that a girl her age to think she wants to be with him every available minute he has, but he is going to have to put his foot down if he does not feel the same.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
12 Jun 12
Hi Rocket,
I don't know as it is normal but I do see kids getting much more attached than I remember being when I was in high school. My daughter has a boyfriend and she is lucky if she sees him a couple of times a week and she seems ok with it. She is 18 and he is 19. I actually don't think that clingy attachment is healthy for a relationship. An older man once explained relationships to me like this...
you have two intersecting circles. The space on the left is your space. The space on the right is your partners and that little space where the circles intersect...that is your space as a couple. Your son does not owe this girl all his time and he does not deserve to get chewed out for not being with her 24/7.If she doesn't trust him and doesn't like how the relationship is going then she should move on. She sounds insecure and trying to control the relationship.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
12 Jun 12
Hi Rocket,
I don't know as it is normal but I do see kids getting much more attached than I remember being when I was in high school. My daughter has a boyfriend and she is lucky if she sees him a couple of times a week and she seems ok with it. She is 18 and he is 19. I actually don't think that clingy attachment is healthy for a relationship. An older man once explained relationships to me like this...
you have two intersecting circles. The space on the left is your space. The space on the right is your partners and that little space where the circles intersect...that is your space as a couple. Your son does not owe this girl all his time and he does not deserve to get chewed out for not being with her 24/7.If she doesn't trust him and doesn't like how the relationship is going then she should move on. She sounds insecure and trying to control the relationship.
@AmbiePam (85688)
• United States
9 Jun 12
She sounds way too immature for your son. And hey, if they spent too much time together you might end up being a grandma. A little breathing room aint' bad! She kind of sounds like she's holding him back. I hope someone better suited for him comes along. It's time to just enjoy being that age. And it's great that he's doing it.
@Pose123 (21635)
• Canada
10 Jun 12
Hi rocketj1, It sounds as if the girl is very jealous. I think that your son may be right in saying that spending more time with his girlfriend probably wouldn't make her happy anyway. Like you, I think that young people need to be involved with many things and spent more time with their friends. It is fine to date but not spent all their time together.Leave the serious stuff for later. Your son sounds like a well adjusted young man. Blessings.
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
11 Jun 12
No, this isn't normal.. as far as I know. She should have a life of her own to keep her busy when her boyfriend is busy. Seems like she doesn't and she needs constant affirmation. To me, that sounds like low self-esteem and nothing he can do will make her feel better.. she needs to find a way to feel better about herself.
With any luck their relationship won't last too much longer and he'll find someone with more confidence in themselves and trust in him.
@wilsongoddard (7291)
• United States
9 Jun 12
When he goes off to college, the relationship will likely come to an end. He will find a young woman who has more in common with him and is less jealous.
He may think that he is in love with this clingy, insecure girl, but he is young. Once he is away from the high school environment for a bit, he will realize that life is much bigger than that little pond in which his current girlfriend is swimming.
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
9 Jun 12
It's not abnormal for teens to ask this of their relationship partners, after all that's what they (hopefully) see at home, in the movies, in music, etc. That doesn't mean that it's a correct or realistic expectation. The teen years are a time of growth and exploration on the way to adulthood where commitments are soon required for jobs, families and self fulfillment.
Your son is doing as he should, exploring and trying new things. His girlfriend is hoping to step from the security of her family to the security of a committed relationship, without experiencing who she is as a person for her own growth. Maybe this is the expectation that she's been lead to at her home? Or, maybe she's wanting to use a relationship as an excuse to leave her home, thinking that when she's 'free' of parental restrictions, that she'll have time and space to grow?
What are her parents like? Have you had any discussions with her about what she hopes to do with her life?
@kinglucifer71 (18)
• Guyana
9 Jun 12
wow this is amazing, i had a girlfriend just like her a while back, she's just obsessive and likes everything to be about her, i think your son should try and spend more time with her just to see if that helps and if it doesnt well then it would be best if he left her because things would only keep going downhill..
@kenshin2143 (1880)
• Philippines
11 Jun 12
I can relate to this situation for I myself experienced this type of girls. You mentioned that your son is actively participating in school activities here and there. In addition, you also mentioned that your son is not sure how he feels towards her girlfriend.
Let me tackle first the thing about being a demanding girl, teenage girls are really demanding when it comes to a relationship for they are more emotionally driven compared to boys. And inline with that, your son might feel a lot of pressure from his girl making him confused and can also affect his performance at school.
My advice would be giving them a break/cool-off in order for them to really do want they want without strings attached.
Way back then, I was also a busy person and I am bothered if someone will demand my time(even my girl). Call me naughty or anything you'll call me, but I manage to end our relationship for I cannot focus on my studies as well as I cannot give her a decent time. My feelings for her was also fading.
@abhay411 (1)
• India
9 Jun 12
A teenage relationship just doesn't depend on the girl or the boy, it rather more importantly depends on the circumstances in which a girl and a boy meet and what are the surroundings. ultimately a girl and a boy more importantly bothers about the surroundings. if they want to kiss they will first check out if any one is looking at them or not.
there is another important thing which a relationship requires is trust in the partners and which most of the teenage couples do not develop and therefore ends up betraying each other and destroying their as well as the others life.
a relationship needs an optimum space in the lives of the partners, which the teenage couples do not think about it and therefore works in an absolutely opposite manner as they should behave in it.
@savypat (20216)
• United States
9 Jun 12
It's hard to believe but I remember those years well. This girl seem very in secure, even for her young age. Also When your boy turns 18 he will be dating a minor and with hormones being what they are this could mean big trouble. As a parent I would offer what advice I could, but only when asked. Part of being a parent is watching the pain your children go through growing up. Blessings to all of you.
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
9 Jun 12
She seems a bit clingy and controlling. I didn't date that young, I was 17 and a senior when I met my first and current boyfriend. At first we'd hang out every once in a while but we'd talk every day. Once we started to get more comfortable with each other, we became more attached and wanted to spend more time together. But it was a mutual thing that we both wanted to be together more.
Now, after 2 years of dating, we would spend a lot of time together, but more so because he just recently left for the army and we wanted to spend as much time as possible before he left. If he wasn't going to leave, I think we'd still spend most of our time together and then have other time for friends or other things. But there has to be a balance between what they both want. Your son seems busy and doesn't seem to be able to meet the high demands that this girl has.
It's hard to tell him what to do, but he might figure things out himself and realize the girl isn't right for him and maybe he doesn't have enough time for a girl right now. Hope things work out for you and him!
