Arborial Naturalism
By grandpa_lash
@grandpa_lash (5225)
Australia
August 17, 2012 9:16pm CST
I never fail to be surprised by the number of ways in which religion can develop. For instance, some people believe that trees have a religion. Not just any ordinary back-yard ornamentals, but the truly majestic specimens like redwoods, and Huon pines, and English oak trees, trees that live for hundreds of years, a necessity for them to develop enough philosophical understanding to be religious.
They worship the sun and the wind and the rain and the birds and bees that help them propagate. They believe, or so I am informed by no less than the eminent writer Sir Terry Pratchett, that (to paraphrase Sir Terry) a tree that is a good tree, and leads a clean, decent and upstanding life, can be assured of a future life after death. If it is very good indeed it will eventually be reincarnated as five thousand rolls of toilet paper.
It almost makes you want to be a Norfolk Pine. Just imagine, no hellfire and damnation, or, if you follw the Islamic or Scandinavian models, none of that undignified leaping about with intemperate and needy houris or valkyries, just peace and a feeling that your life has been worth something, even as you (or at least part of you) is flushed down the lavatory.
Lash
1 person likes this
2 responses
@grandpa_lash (5225)
• Australia
19 Aug 12
Well, with all those roots about the place I would imagine adultery goes on all the time, albeit rather drawn out and silent. (Or is the word "root" only Aussie/English slang? I don't know, but hopefully you will understand what I'm saying from the context lol.)
As for paedophilia, it seems unlikely, since a tree has to be very old to gain the consciousness necessary to be able to conceive such things, and there are no young trees around with enough consciousness for older trees to actually be considered paedophiles. I imagine that the odd tree that might take advantage of non-conscious young trees would be ostracised by its more moralistic mates.
Just think how nice it would be to have a religion where the priests don't do bad things like that.
Lash
@grandpa_lash (5225)
• Australia
20 Aug 12
I find it quite amusing and illuminating that this post has recieved so few replies. If I had attacked religion with logic or vitriol, there would be 20 responses, and many of those would have multiple postings as the religious fight goes on, but the moment I use gentle ridicule they stay away in droves. Or was it simply too subtle for the simple minds who rely on their religion for their identity?
Lash
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
18 Aug 12
hi granpa_lash loveit, toilet paper whee. I was feeling down having reaqd several discussions pointing fingers at the r est of us my lotters for either caring too much about mylot or being too open
about our problems in our discussion,.the two finger pointers seemed to think their view was the only right one and after reading these scoldings I read this and I am laughing and smiling
'hugs for making me feel good again and recovering my sense of
humor.
@grandpa_lash (5225)
• Australia
18 Aug 12
Having posted it I began to have serious doubts as to the wisdom of putting it under religion, possibly Panda Spanking might have been wiser, but too late, she cried, as she lay in the tram tracks waving her wooden leg in the air as the number 64 disappeared around the corner behind the art gallery.
Glad I could be of assistance.
Lash
