Formal versus informal
By Porcospino
@Porcospino (31365)
Denmark
August 20, 2012 7:57pm CST
When I was living in Italy I worked as a personal assistent for a women. One day she was ill and she called the doctor. When I opened the door I said "Hi" and invited the doctor in. Later that evening the woman that I worked told me off and she said to me: "You have no manners, you are not supposed to say "hi" when you open the door, you have to say: "Good evening, doctor", what you did was really impolite"
Since that time I always tried to remember the use the polite forms when dealing with strangers. In my own country we are very informal when we talk to strangers, and we would never say "Good evening, doctor", we would simply greet the doctor or any other stranger in an informal way. In the past it wasn't like that, but today we hardly ever use the polite form, and it has become normal to talk to strangers like we talk to friends. We are much more informal than many of the other Europeans.
What is it like in your country? Do you use one type of words when you talk to strangers and another type of words when you talk to friends? In which situations do you use the polite forms?
2 people like this
14 responses
@umabharti (3972)
• India
21 Aug 12
It is not that hard to be polite , when it is in our heart we automatically behave in that way, if not it would like as if we it is artificial.
Saying Namaste or Good Evening or so on is a good habit, which we are taught when we are at schools.May be many good habits and behaviours are well known by the kids who go to school becox they learn at that time,as time passes by we get used to all this formal things and we forget many things we should actually hav to do.2 people like this
@Porcospino (31365)
• Denmark
22 Aug 12
I think that it is a good habit to be polite, but the definition of politeness is different from country to country. That is one of the reasons why my Italian employer got angry when she didn't think that I was polite. In my country we are very informal and it would have been fine to greet the doctor the way that I did. Actually it is the way that my parents told me to greet people. It is interesting the customs and the definition of the politeness differs from country to country and from culture to culture, but sometimes we get in trouble if we aren't aware of the differences just like I experienced.
2 people like this
@umabharti (3972)
• India
23 Aug 12
i am really sorry for the bad experience that you had with the employer, i hope she could had understood u and ur customs , and it is not that big issue to be made and pointed on .
How will anyone know abt the different culture and customs unless we stay in such and such place for many years and get an opportunity for learning such things.
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@yugasini (12892)
• Secunderabad, India
21 Aug 12
hi Porcospino,
here in our country,when some body comes to our home,first they will inform us they are so and so, then we will invite them in to the home,if they are known persons to us, then we will great as good morning,Namaste,vannakkam,adabarje,sat sri akal,according to their tradition they will say like that,so first may not respect strangers,if they are any Govt officers with vehicle or private with Vehicle then only we will give respect to them,have a nice day
2 people like this
@Porcospino (31365)
• Denmark
21 Aug 12
It was interesting to read about the different greetings that you have. I have heard the word Namaste before, but not the other expressions. In my country there are two ways to greet visitors. If we know eachother well (family members or close friends) we might hug eachother when we meet. In other situations only greet them with words like hi or hello and if it is person that we meet for the first time we sometimes shake hands. We are not very formal when we talk to our visitors, but there is still a difference between complete strangers and close friends because we only hug close friends.
1 person likes this
@yugasini (12892)
• Secunderabad, India
22 Aug 12
hi Porcospino,
thanks for the response, hug is western people custom it is but in Muslim festivals,muslims hug each other on those days, Namasthe in Telugu language,
Satsree Akal is in Punjabi
Vanakkam in Tamil and
Adabarze in Hindi/urdu
here also hug is started in Film field,but it is formal hug each other when they meet ,have a nice day.
2 people like this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
21 Aug 12
Wow! Good that you learned and wasn't offended when the woman corrected you. It's really awkward knowing that what you've done is wrong when you didn't intend to do so ey?
But well, I think there's a lesson learned here. I think it's better to be formal than to appear informal. I think I'd rather be corrected for being too formal rather than being corrected because of the lack of social graces.
Anyhow, here in my country, it still depends on the person. I for one would always stick to the formal. I would say "good morning" rather than a "hi". But generally, I think people here are still really respectful.
Have a great Mylot experience ahead!
2 people like this
@Porcospino (31365)
• Denmark
21 Aug 12
Yes, I never intended to be impolite. I just did what I would have done in my own country, but I learned something from the experience. It is one of the differences between Denmark and Italy that I discovered when I was living in Italy. The Italians are generally much more polite and formal than the Danes. In in the beginning I sometimes made mistakes and I forgot to talk to strangers the correct way because I was used to the informal expressions from my own country. After the incident with the doctor I tried hard to remember the things that my exployer told me because I didn't want to embarrass her again 
@veejay19 (3589)
• India
21 Aug 12
People in my country,India, are very informal and this has been for centuries.Of course when addressing elders we are expected to be polite and respectful.Even strangers are addressed respectfully.In the national language,Hindi and in many other languages of the country,even small children are addressed with respect.This makes the younger generation habituated to talk respectfully when they grow up.However the tone of the conversation is informal and puts strangers to ease immediately.
2 people like this
@Porcospino (31365)
• Denmark
22 Aug 12
I think that it is true that children who get treated with respect learn to be respectful. In my country we used to have two ways to address people. The polite way that we used when we talked to strangers or elders and the another way that we used when we talked to family members of close friends. The polite way to talk to strangers still exist, but very few people use it today. Today is has become customary to talk to strangers the same way that we talk to friends, because our society has changed.
1 person likes this
@MissPiggy (1748)
• Indonesia
21 Aug 12
Of course it's different. In my country we have to use formal terms to strangers moreover when they are older. Otherwise they will call us impolite or even uneducated. 
To friends, we can use informal terms for sure. Just like when you were in Italy, we have to show polite manner to some professions, like doctors. But if I know the doctor, I would just do what you exactly did. 
I don't really like formal situation, it makes me clumsy. I really love informal style of speaking. To be honest, this what makes me close to my students. Although I still teach them how to behave, but to me, they can consider me as a friend. I think I should live in Denmark? 
To friends, we can use informal terms for sure. Just like when you were in Italy, we have to show polite manner to some professions, like doctors. But if I know the doctor, I would just do what you exactly did. I don't really like formal situation, it makes me clumsy. I really love informal style of speaking. To be honest, this what makes me close to my students. Although I still teach them how to behave, but to me, they can consider me as a friend. I think I should live in Denmark? 1 person likes this
@Porcospino (31365)
• Denmark
23 Aug 12
I don't really like formal situations either, and it is difficult for me to relax in that kind of situation. I prefer informal situations. Schools are very informal in Denmark. The students use their teachers' first names instead of their last names. In the past that students weren't allowed to sit down when the teacher entered the room and they had to wait for the teacher's permission to sit down. Today that has been abolished and the students just stay in their seats when the teacher enters the room. I know that in some countries the students still have to stand up when the teacher enters the room, what is it like in Indonesia?
@MissPiggy (1748)
• Indonesia
23 Aug 12
Just the same as in Denmark. Many years ago the students were also standing while the teacher entering the room to show some respect. But then, they are just sitting on their seats while the teacher entering the room. Teachers also call the students' first names, we never call the family names even since years ago.
1 person likes this
@vidhyaprakash_2 (7116)
• India
24 Aug 12
Hi friend, we will say hi or hello while meeting a new person, if the person is respectable and doing a good job as well as we know about their job and other details, then we will call them by sir/madam.
2 people like this
@rogue13xmen13 (14402)
• United States
21 Aug 12
I think that when it is necessary, then people should be formal in front of each other. When you are in front of certain people, then you should address them in certain ways. I know that that is hard for some people to understand, but that is how it is.
My parents were military people, and I was raised to address people as "Ma'am" and "Sir" especially when addressing people in the military, or people who are much older than myself. It can be a major issue if you don't.
When I see my doctor, because we know each other on a personal basis thanks to my brother's passing, I will usually say, "Hi, Dr._____" and tell him what's wrong with me because I know he has other people to get to, but I can also talk to him via email (yes, you can do that with your doctors now, pretty cool).
To me, when you are in front of very important people, people of rank, or people who are much older than yourself, then you should be polite, but if it is people who are your own age or younger than yourself, then it's up to you as to how to address the situation.
@cutepenguin (6430)
• Canada
21 Aug 12
I'm usually fairly informal, and I think that that is normal around here. Of course, I could be completely wrong.
Sometimes I am more formal if I am meeting someone I don't know who is my parents' or my grandparents' age, because it seems that the older generations prefer more formal language.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Nov 12
hi Porcospino I am in Southern California and we too are laid back. I said
hi to this trio of Asian women and they just glared at me. I then wished I had not said anything but we are all residents in the same retirement center so I thought I would be friendly . I am not sure what they though I should say.Maybe Hello how are you and do have a nice da y? That not my style most Americans would not get mad if I said hi to them.We are friendly and laid back and informal.even my doctor and hes a he calls me sweetie not Mrs Hatley and thats okay with me.
He has been my doctor for years.In college however I always called our professor Doctor so and so,we all did that. I was always[ Mrs. Hatley too but a few did call me Patsie.
1 person likes this
@wilsongoddard (7291)
• United States
21 Aug 12
It depends on the region of the country, but, overall, Americans tend to be more informal than people in many other countries.
My boyfriend is driven crazy when people "Sir" him. He says that it makes him feel old. I try to sooth him by telling him of how I first got "Ma'am"ed by some child when I was all of about 20, but it doesn't seem to make him feel much better. Thankfully, people don't use "Sir" and "Ma'am" as much in the North as they do the South, but you do still run into it.
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@Porcospino (31365)
• Denmark
22 Aug 12
It is interesting to hear that the words sir and ma'am are more common in the south, I didn't know that. In my country we sometimes use the expression "De" when we talk or strangers or people from the older generation, but some people take it is wrong way. My mother once called a senior citizen "De" because she wanted to be polite, and woman got angry She looked at my mother and said: "Do I look that old?" My mother wanted to be polite but she woman was insulted. Today the word "De" is not very common anymore and most people don't use it at all.
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
21 Aug 12
Hi Porcospino,
I prefer to welcome anyone with informal way. I think it's a sincere manner to deal with a person. We the people of this region are very informal. I don't know the Italian custom. But after reading your discussion I came to a conclusion that Italians are rigid people. Your Italian boss did not behave with you in polite form. I like the Americans for their informal behavior. I should like the Danish for their informal behavior.
@Porcospino (31365)
• Denmark
22 Aug 12
It is nice to hear that people from yout region are very informal, because that is also the kind of situation that I am used to from my own country. We are more informal than many of the other Europeans and I tried to explain that to my boss, but it was hard for her to understand that, and she thought that I was simply being impolite. It is true that she didn't talk to me in a very nice way, she was angry at me because I didn't address the doctor the correct way (according to her opinion) In my country is normal to talk to doctors or other strangers in an informal way.
@myfb2009 (8296)
• Malaysia
24 Aug 12
Porco, when i was still working before, sometimes i do greet informal to some bosses when they come visiting my company. Only to big bosses, then of course everyone of us are greeting them with formal ways. I think it is depending on the situation. When i visit a doctor for consultation, i always greet them the informal way. Because that doctor is our family doctor for years. And so far, no one said that i am no manners at all. Maybe my country is not so strict in greeting manners.
@KOSTAS499 (1624)
• Greece
21 Aug 12
We at least say goodmorning/evening/night when we meet strangers. We also use plural which cannot be explained in English, but that's what we do. Some people on the other hand are so impolite that do not greet you at all.
I would like to visit your country to see what you mean.
1 person likes this
@Porcospino (31365)
• Denmark
22 Aug 12
We don't use words like good evening very much, we usually just say hi or hello when we meet people we in the evening, but I think it is impolite to say nothing at all. Some people in my country don't greet strangers at all. If you visit my country I think that you will notice that we are more informal than for many other Europeans for instance the people from Germany, French or Italy, because they still use the polite forms that have disappeared or almost disappeared in my country. 50 years ago we also used those forms when we talked to strangers, but our society has changed.
@lyricmemphis (260)
• United States
21 Aug 12
We are very informal in America...I believe that's one reason why so many others countries dislike us. We are so into our own world that we usually like "Hi" and "Bye". I'm always respectful of my elders, hold doors open for others(men and women)but generally very informal.
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