She Needs To Leave...

I hate when i hear stories like this it makes me so sad. it always seems to be the sweetest people that end up having to go thro this. she seems like a very strong willed prson to be able to deal wih all this and still be with him but i agree with you she really does need to leave him. I can understand why she is still with him but I agree with another mylotter. I think she woul be better off away from him. But some people in that situation think that the best place for them is with them. I feel for her and she will be in my prayers. Does he physically hurt her or the kids? he is emotionally hurting her with the way he treats her and that is a reason all in its self to leave him but if he is doing more than that then she really must get away.

It sounds to me as if the husband has anger management issues--and that he also needs someone to blame for his own mistakes. He needs someone on which to vent his anger over life, and his wife is an easy target. The big issues here are: She needs to know that his problems aren't her fault, so she has no reason to apologize. Arrangements need to be made to give her and her kids a safe place to stay--and to keep in mind that the stay will, likely, need to be a long-term one. This is an obvious reason why there needs to be more women's shelters available--and, in more cases than one might realize, more men's shelters, too. Some other observations: There's nothing wrong with marrying someone from a foreign country, but I'm wondering why the husband chose to do so. In most cases, I would say that it's a case of liking a particular culture for wholesome reasons and wanting to choose a life partner from there. In his case, however, I think he was focused on getting someone with a submissive nature whom he could more easily turn into a combination of Stepford Wife and Dammit Doll. In short, he wanted a trophy wife, an obedient wife, and someone on whom he could take out his personal anger instead of dealing with it in a rational way and thinking about what he could change about himself and his situation in order to live a happier life. Both the husband and wife seem to be feeling a sense of powerlessness, so there's got to be more opportunities offered to them to learn how to become empowered. This isn't good for their kids, either, as they're now internalizing some very negative messages about life. This is too bad--tragic, in fact--as they seem to both be very good people who are eager to help others.

It always seems to be the really nice people that get walked all over or mistreated, I think often these people choose to stay because they are scared or feel they have no other choice. Also, sometimes they feel they can't support themselves financially so they "bite the bullett" and tolerate the verbal abuse, quite sad!

She may not have family here to help her, but there are places and people who will help. She may not leave real soon, but she can take steps to prepare to leave. She needs copies of important documents for the kids, like their birth certificate, Social Security Cards, school report cards, immunization records. She needs a copy of her marriage license and any papers she files against him. Also her citizenship papers. He does sound like he really wants to control her.

That kind of home life is not good for the children. A son will grow up thinking that is the way men are supposed too act, and the daughters will probably have a serious inferiority complex. They need family counseling, but I seriously doubt that he will go for it.

My dad yelled at my mom alot! Not as bad this @sshole! He yelled at my mom because he is a jerk and has no paitence or is understanding! My mom always said she let it in one ear and out the other. That was not true! He verbally abused her and I was,too! My mom told me,my sister-in-law Monica and sister the same story over the years when she was alive. The story she told was one day she would drive to the nearest Greyhound bus stop,buy a ticket and go somewhere and start her life over. My mom never did that and why she never did is a mystery. With your neighbor I think she stays with her @sshole husband because of the kids. With the family being in Guam doesn't help the situation either!

Hi, I actually had a sense of anger towards the woman for being so meek. I imagine the man is possibly frustrated by this and her weakness pushes his buttons. Mind you, I'm not saying she is provoking him and he is right to do what he does but she obviously has no self respect and so he has no respect for her either...it's a vicious circle.

Wow that is terrible that he treats her like that. I dont understand how some men can be so nasty. He needs some medication to help control his crazy temper. Its sad that she has kids with someone like this it makes it much harder. Its not good for the kids to see him treating her this way though. Her coming from another country and being totally alone here with none of her family has got to be hard.

I hate, absolutely HATE situations like that. I just would want to go over there, pick her up with the kids, take her away somewhere safe, and then go back to my normal day knowing she's safe...ugh! I bet he's hit her before and that's why she takes all this and is afraid to open her mouth. I can almost guarantee it, or he's threatened her so she's like a little timid mouse. Aren't there any shelters in your area for her?

Ow, that is really bad. I think she should contact her family in Guam and go pick her up. Or maybe, she'd save some money and when she get enough money, she will then leave that guy and go back to her home. Start a business and live a happy life. She should also warn her family because their might be a chance that the guy will go after her.

Have you ever talked to her about this? Do you know how she feels and what she thinks? Are there any programs where you live that help women in her situation? Things are only going to get worse if no one can help this family.

I hope that one day, she'll find enough courage to leave. I hope that she will soon realize that all these abuse could only lead to bad things. And she may end up on the wrong side of it. Maybe she'll realize that she is actually stronger than she think. And will finally leave him.

all i can say on the matter is its disgusting. there is nothing worse in this world than a bully, and i would dread to think how he would treat his kids. he may be a nice dad now while his kids are young, but what about when his kids are teenagers and start rebelling and breaking his rules??? maybe you should have a quiet word with her??

I too only hope that she comes to her senses and leaves him but also understand it is very hard for her. She probably does love him and has such low self esteem because of his belittling her that she is brain washed into thinking that she deserves that sort of treatment. I do hope she can realize that it is not a good environment for her or for the children. And also that it will only get worse if he is not physically aggressive towards her yet it is only a matter of time. It is also a matter of time before he starts treating the children that way and that may be what happens to bring her to her senses. Their are places out their for battered women and children that will help her. I also understand it is very hard to make a decision like that and especially when she has no family around her so if possible just be her friend because she does need somebody. I will pray for her peace and guidance with this strife in her life.

He is guilty of emotionally abusing her. I went through it myself and it was hard to prove my ex guilty of doing so. I think with all of the emphasis on bullying and the unseen scars that it leaves has brought emotional abuse to the forefront. It is more difficult because she doesn't her family here and she lacks that support system. I was afraid that my ex would steal my daughter away from me which is why I put up with his crap for a long time. I'm not sure how close you are to her, but do you think she'd leave if there was somewhere she could go?

I guess if you told her there are places that could help her wouldn't be receptive?

I so sorry about what happened to her I felt the pain that she's been through I just hope someday she will find a way to get out of his man. I been on that situation and I suffered so many years before I have courage to leave with my daughter with me.

That's crazy. I use to have a friend who was in the same situation as your neighbor. He used to yell at her for stupid stuff as well including putting her down for making small mistakes such as similar to that. Like she loves cats and she had a couple of cats of her own, she wanted to give them flea baths and one day the cat had scratched her while she was bathing him. (Probably because he was scared of the water.) Well anyways, she cried out and later mentioned to her husband that the cat had scratched her. Then her husband and started yelling at her and cursing at her, calling her stupid, because he said she knew how the cat was and it didn't like baths and she should have waited to bathe the cat. Instead of consoling her to make sure that she was okay and that the cat hadn't scratched her deeply. She left him once but then later returned to him and he still does the same things as of today. I feel sorry for her and they have no children together, so I never understand why she stayed with him. She says it is mainly because she loves him and that he will eventually change, but he never does. I could never go through that and I guess I am just grateful that my husband is never like that towards me.

I feel so sorry for the wife. I think, she has to bear this kind of treatment because it's the guy who sustains for their living. But had the wife, have her own job, i bet she have gone with the kids, away from him, for good.

Thatis just tragic. Sounds like she is his slave and he is her abuser. Someone needs to give him a few swift kicks where the sun don't shine. Maybe his screaming will climb s few October. The poor woman is trapped.