How would you react to this situation?
By chiyochan
@chiyosan (30186)
Philippines
September 14, 2012 1:23pm CST
I have told a friend i have to go somewhere today after office. She asked if she could come with me and i said i prefer to go alone instead. I did not state where i was going but i had plans of only going to the grocery. Now, our group of friends ask if we should go for a coffee after work. I thought i'd like to go for a coffee with the group, and is thinking of re-scheduling my grocery to tomorrow...
Since i agreed to join, this friend of mine messaged me privately and told me... " i thought you have to be somewhere today?, Why don't you tell them you have made another plan?" As if saying that i am keeping my plans a secret to my friends!
I am offended, the plan was neither a date nor something that is even worth this discussion in the first place. but my reaction was that she was trying to point out something to me - that i am not being honest and that i am hiding something from the group!
hays i am feeling really pissed off at her and really annoyed right now. I am so not talking to her. Do you think she was really trying to imply something? i feel that she is really trying to point out to my face about the plan i made... as if i am not being true to my friends.
3 people like this
9 responses
@baddkabee (115)
• Singapore
16 Sep 12
Hi Inthink based from your story is that your friend might have feel that you were trying to avoid her. Since she was the first one to ask if she could go with you and you said you were going somewhere else, and later learned that you joined your other group of friends, so her reaction was that she was left out, or got offended. But I agree with everybody else here that you are entitled to your own privacy and you don't owe her an explanation for changing your mind. Hope you two are still in good terms.
Happy myLotting!
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30186)
• Philippines
17 Sep 12
Oh no, not at all. i wasn't trying to avoid her, not a chance. but there was just no chance of telling my friends i had to go somewhere, and when i did tell them about it, she acted as if she knew it already and so on. oh well we just had a talk about it and was able to clear it out, thank you for your response.
@baddkabee (115)
• Singapore
17 Sep 12
That's good to know that you were able to clear out your differences. It's hard to have friction in the workplace since you will always see each other everyday. Have a pleasant day ahead!
@celticeagle (189820)
• Boise, Idaho
15 Sep 12
It is your situatuon and you have a right to change your mind and go later if you want to. I wouldn't be offended by this question by your friend. I would just tell her I will do this other thing later and not worry about it. Why are you not being honest? Just tell her you will do the other thing later.
1 person likes this
@wilsongoddard (7291)
• United States
14 Sep 12
Your friend sounds a bit insecure and nosy. There is no reason you should have to tell her the specifics of your plans, nor is there any reason you should be made to feel you have to get her approval to change those plans. If this is how she acts with all of her friends, she may soon find herself rather short on pals.
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30186)
• Philippines
15 Sep 12
oh wow! you have sure got to the bottom of what i was trying to say! it is indeed a sign of her being nosy at my actions and i am not quite sure as to why she would be doing that. it just upsets me that she sarcastically pointed that one out. =( haizzz thank you wilson for your response to the discussion.
@subhojit10 (7375)
• India
14 Sep 12
Well i can understand the situation u are going through but i do not find any fault of yours here although i could have intimated the news about going out for the coffee with your friends to your female office mate. Her reaction is also pretty normal for any common person as she might have felt left out as u had been for the coffee instead of grocery. So i think u should leave the matter as such and i hope things would be sorted out very soon and this happens with anyone and u need not to worry more about it.
What say?
1 person likes this
@Otanetix (508)
• United States
14 Sep 12
I do not think you did anything wrong. Some people are very touchy about not being told about what is happening in your life. I do not think it is any of her business to know all the activities you do. Even with relationships between good friends, there's some boundaries for privacy reasons. Unless she had some good intentions for complaining, I think it's wrong for people to intrude in someone else's personal matters.
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30186)
• Philippines
15 Sep 12
she did try to intrude, being nosy that is, so she forgot that it was my decision if i should tell or not. it is just not right for her to be even telling me to tell my friends i had to be somewhere. oh... well we had it sorted out anyway. glad we're okay now.
@merylinkid (69)
• United States
15 Sep 12
You don't owe this person any explanation. You had a right to say "no" to her coming along. You had a right to change your mind.
This person is a friend (kind of) not your parent. You don't have to clear everything with this person or even account for your actions. You are an independent person. If the friend doesn't like that and wants to control you, maybe its time to look for a new friend.
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30186)
• Philippines
15 Sep 12
hi there mery, thank you so much for your response. well i have brought this up with her and actually we talked about it and she realized she intruded a bit on me because of how she reacted on the situation. i guess she has now realized that anyway and will probably just know when to or not to be like that again... im sure she does know where she stands in the friendship and not to over react.
@drknlvly6781 (6246)
• United States
23 Sep 12
Reading this through I can see why your friend may have been upset. Yes, you may have been only going to the grocery store and felt that didn't warrant any company, but you have to remember that you never told this friend that, and it may have seemed like something special.
Then later, you told your other friends that you wanted to join them for coffee. I can see how your friend may have taken this as trying to avoid her, whether you meant it or not. Privately you told your friend you had something to do, then accepted an invitation from other friends. I can see how this can look from the outside, and its not pretty.
Since this was a week ago, hopefully you can see now how this may have hurt your friend's feelings.
@riyauro (6421)
• India
14 Sep 12
I think this girl thinks that you were going to do something wrong and that is why you are hiding something from the friends. I think this is her thinking. So there is something such as privacy. You have full right to have privacy and not to share all your information to your workmates. There is a limit. Good you do not talk to her because there are chances that she will try to spoil your name. I can see that she is capable of that. be careful with her. Thanks for sharing and have a wonderful day ahead. 
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30186)
• Philippines
15 Sep 12
thank you riyauro for your response. it is true that she kind of thought or was sarcastic in telling me why i was not letting others know i was supposed to go somewhere. you are right, it is my right to privacy and she is trying to invvade by insinuating i am doing something that is not worth letting others know, whatever it is.
@prakashsahni (185)
• India
15 Sep 12
Do the maths all by yourself as the suggestion may not be as fruitful as your own cognition and opinions/thoughts in future.
You felt offended because you did not expected to get some nosy text from your office mate. Free your mind first from all expectations and preconditioning and never do think or assume about others, just take everything lightly and the world around you will change (at least to your perspective). Do not take anything seriously as many people just want others to be stressed or loves to make other panic.
But forget them and their talks and think positive always.
@chiyosan (30186)
• Philippines
16 Sep 12
i am trying to be positive and yes it is true that i did not expect the message from her and that is because i know she is not the kind of person and i know that there must be something that caused her to do that... but then oh well we have chatted about it and clarified. i am sure we both now understood what has happened. =)
