Crying in my sleep

Lippstadt, Germany
September 22, 2012 9:37am CST
hi friends, I am emotionally drained today. Something weird happened to me. Normally I dont recall my dreams at all. But I recalled them this morning. You have to know that my friend who was like a mom to me for almost 25 years passed away last year after a long battle with cancer. Due to some other obligations thrown my way I could only visit her once, when the diagnosis of the returned cancer was new, and I was aware of it that this could well be the last time I see her alive. She lived a 5 hour drive distance from me. I had cried for a few days from learning that she died to the memorial service which was just bathed in tears. As I knew she was a strong woman I told myself to stop crying, I wrote a journal for her as if she still was alive and felt it helps me. I thought I am coping well till last night. I dreamed about some report on TV about burial culture etc and I was crying my eyes out cause I miss her sooooo much. I rarely cry in my sleep so the intensity of the pain and crying in my dreams was something I never experienced before. Did you experience something similar??
7 people like this
10 responses
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
22 Sep 12
I am so sad that you are still in the throes of grief. Everyone grieves differently but it is a process that we go through and I can tell you that time does eventually heal. Yes, I experienced what you experienced and woke up crying so many times from a dream and in the dream I was crying for my husband. When we really love someone the first year or so we are in shock and we actually think that we are doing well - but we aren't. The second year is usually the worst. For me it was about five years of intense grief and then I found that I was able to cope and even go on with life. It is emotionally draining but you must benkind to yourself as I am sure that nthis lady knew how much you loved her and would notn want you to suffer so intensley. Many blessings my friend
3 people like this
• Lippstadt, Germany
22 Sep 12
hi dear Cynthie thanks for taking the time.....I didnt realise it would take this long and like you said I thought I am doing fine and do what she would want me to do thats go on with my life. My heart Mom was not an emotional person at all so I was shy to talk about my feelings for her. When we visited her for this last time I went back to her room before we left, as she was comfortably resting in bed and said please dont forget I love you what ever happens and she said she loves me too. We both never said so before.
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@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
22 Sep 12
But it was said and this is wonderful as she new that you loved her. It will get better over time. I didn't believe that it would ever get better but it did. I have 'felt' him around several times in famiy occasions too. Our loved ones are always near - just around the corner waiting for us
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• Lippstadt, Germany
22 Sep 12
that also helped me having told her and hearing this from her too.
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@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
22 Sep 12
I'm sorry u had such a bad dream.ALL my dreams are bad.I hate to dream. Had a wierd one last night myself but didn't wake up crying like u did, thank heavens. BLESS YOUR HEART.
3 people like this
• India
23 Sep 12
It would be hard for us to decide if we have to dream or not. Its a subconscious activity and we dont have control over it. I would suggest sleep with a prayer. Just remember all the good things that happened to you that day and hope for a better tomorrow. I think then you wouldnt have such bad dreams.
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• Lippstadt, Germany
22 Sep 12
hi dear Antiquelady, that was so un familiar and so NOT me that I was shocked when I woke up. Hope you have a great weekend hugs to you.....
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@MsTickle (25187)
• Australia
29 Sep 12
Hi sweety, I'm so sad that you still seem overwhelmed by the loss of your beloved friend/mom. I think I've been feeling some similar emotions because lately I have been having some intensely vivid dreams about various people who figured in my life. Maybe you made yourself stop grieving in order to be strong and now your subconscious has decided it's time to let go those emotions you buried at that time. It would also explain why you have been so tired and drained even though you've had time off. I think you were forced to hold your tongue and be the dutiful daughter and hide the thoughts and feelings that you experienced. That part of your life is now over and it's time to really let go of all that pain and sorrow and other conflicting emotions you have been through. It's finally ok to put it all behind you and move forward, remembering the happy times and the love you shared with your stand in mom.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25187)
• Australia
29 Sep 12
Think about what Anne would want for you ...she would shower you with love and say she understood you could not be there and she would tell you to forgive yourself.
@JenInTN (27515)
• United States
22 Sep 12
It is not easy to get past the mourning of someone that was such an important part of your life. People grieve differently and I would say it is ok for you to release some of that my friend. I was devastated when my grandfather passed and I didn't cry in my sleep but I think for a while I was a little crazy. I may have even had a breakdown of sorts. I was young and I don't know that I have ever really got over it...perhaps we never do. I still miss and think of him. I did get the opportunity to feel a certain degree of closeness to a grandmother that I had been estranged from. The one that didn't raise me but I had always heard was crazy about me. We spent 5 years together and I really felt complete when she became a part of my life again. When she passed, I went a little crazy again. There is nothing that anyone can say to make it easier but I sure wish I had the words. I hate that you have experienced such a loss. Take care and I will be thinking of you.
1 person likes this
• India
23 Sep 12
Atleast you had your grandma till the age of 25. I never saw my grand pas and even my grand mas were long gone when i was just an infant. My mom used to say that my grand ma had passed away while holding my bike. i was so confused then that I stood looking at here grabbing my mom's hands. I still have her face in my memories. I do dream about her ,find her along with me in spirits.
• Lippstadt, Germany
22 Sep 12
Dearest Jen thanks so much for your lovely post. I am having too many people up there in heaven already when all I want is to have them here and spend time with them.... I also miss my Grandma like crazy who made my mothers place a home for me till her time was up when I was 25.......
@alaskanray (4637)
• United States
22 Sep 12
My mother is always alive in my dreams and it always feels so good to me, I never want to wake up! I'm sorry it still hurts for you. We never stop missing our loved ones, though the pain may decrease. Hugs, GF!
2 people like this
• Lippstadt, Germany
22 Sep 12
dearest Alaskanray, its not my bio mother but my heart mom I grieve about......she and her husband did a lot of things for me normally bio parents would do but mine didnt. And Anne was not visible in that dream but I cried so hard cause she is gone. lots of hugs back to you
1 person likes this
• India
23 Sep 12
That is one thing that differentiates us from machines. WE live breathe air,love others and miss them too. More than their physical presence, they are always present in our heart. Even long after they are gone, how so ever you think logically, convince yourself, they would still remain in your heart. You just cant erase sweet memories of people.
2 people like this
• United States
23 Sep 12
I understand that it was not your bio mom. It doesn't matter. She is still your mom because she mothered you. I am sorry you are still in pain. I wish I could ease it somehow.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
23 Sep 12
Well... I guess I did encounter a somewhat similar situation. I dreamed about something but I couldn't really remember it. All I know that it was painful. A bad dream, I think. I was crying in my sleep and when I woke up, my tears were flowing and I felt scared. Funny thing is that I don't even know why I was crying. I don't know what is the root of all that made me feel scared. Just another bad dream. Happy mylotting!
1 person likes this
• India
23 Sep 12
This has indeed happened to a lot of people. I had seen one of my friends laughing like anything in his dreams. i didnt want to disturb his sleep and so i didnt call him. next morning when i asked him, he had no ideas why he was laughing. These things are just normal in life.
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• Lippstadt, Germany
23 Sep 12
that has happened to me sometimes too, no tears flowing when I woke up but knowing I had cried why ever that was the case.
• India
23 Sep 12
According to Sigmund Freud, dreams are the different things that come in our sleep which we wants to happen or wanted to in our life. More specifically, its our desires or fears that come as dreams. I do dream a lot. It varies from my personal issues to various global issues too. Whenever I have a bad dream, I have this knack of convincing myself within sleep that it is just sleep. But there were some horrible dreams that pulled me out of sleep. The problem is such dreams can spoil your whole day a t times. You remain gloomy even though you know it was just a dream.
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• Lippstadt, Germany
23 Sep 12
hi dear varunkrishna, you seem to be a very wise person...... I enjoyed reading all your comments here. I just had a very sad day yesterday somehow though I knew it was only a dream where I cried my heart out.
• India
23 Sep 12
Hi friend, sad to hear that you missed your friend badly, surely missing of our best friends will give more pain to us, some times i too feel a lot, if i think about my past incidents
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• Lippstadt, Germany
23 Sep 12
yes dear vidhyaprakash in everyday life I am quite the happy person cause my life has changed for the better but I still miss my heart Mom Anne.
• India
23 Sep 12
I too have the habit of shouting in my dreams which often has resulted in the complaints raised by my friends. I an unable to fathom the reason behind such a motive but i strongly believe there exists a subconscious mind in which the answers for all these questions lies embedded. It mite be a problem to many including me.
1 person likes this
• Lippstadt, Germany
23 Sep 12
I also think that dreams have to do with the subconscious mind.......but I didnt think that would happen to me more than a year after she has passed away.
@iBizkut (80)
• United States
23 Sep 12
I haven't experienced cancer or anyone personally close like this before and I am sorry for your loss. It's good you're coping with this now its good to let yourself cry and let it all out. I am a military brat though and have experienced many deaths due to being in a small community duty station. She is in a better place no where she can no longer suffer the cancer. One day you will meet up with her. God Bless(:
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• Lippstadt, Germany
23 Sep 12
yes I know she is in a better place now and thats comforting for me but it wont make me miss her less.....