How do you think you would cope?
By dorannmwin
@dorannmwin (36392)
United States
December 18, 2012 10:00pm CST
This is something that I've thought about in the past when I learned that one of my closest friends had lost two of his children in a house fire and it is something that is even more on my mind now thinking about those twenty sets of parents that lost their children in the school massacre last week.
If you were to lose one of your children when they were young, how do you think that you would cope with it? Do you think that you would be okay after a period of grief or do you think that you would need some intervention in your life?
I've talked about this with my best girl friend (the aunt of my friend's two children that died in the fire) and we have pretty much both agreed that if something was to happen to one of our children they would have to either bury us alongside our child or they would have to lock us up in a padded room too keep us from hurting ourselves.
How do you think you would cope if you lost one of your children? If you have been one of the unfortunate individuals that has lost a child, how were you able to cope with it?
And of course, continued prayers to the families of the 26 individuals that lost their lives for no reason at all last Friday morning.
3 people like this
10 responses
@savypat (20216)
• United States
20 Dec 12
I have often thought about this, and counted my blessings that I have never faced it. My belief system includes the laws of karma, that each life born into this world is here for a purpose, some are very short and others long. This to me is the only rational way to explain any one particular life in this world. If I didn't believe this than how could I face the challenges that have come with life, I would have given up at the first sign of pain. I come from a family of Jews all but wiped out in the second world war, I think in order to justify my existance I have to accept that I just don't know and can't know the whole picture of humanity.
And it's purpose here. Of course I along with most others cannot help but feel the pain of those who lose their children and other family members.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
21 Dec 12
I believe in karma to a certain extent and I am proud to be a Christian woman, so those things are something that does give me some comfort through the tough times in my life.
However, I don't know that even those beliefs would be enough to get me through if something this horribly traumatic were to happen to one of my little loves.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26770)
• United Kingdom
19 Dec 12
It is every parent's worst nightmare when they lose a child, no parent should have to experience burying their own child. I guess you can only surmise how you would cope, but unless you actually lose a child you wouldn't never know the true pain experienced. It is heartbreaking what happened, school is supposed to be a place of fun, a place of learning, a place where you child is safe. You never expect to take your child to school and have them gunned down, what is this world coming to? The slaughter of the innocence.
@cupkitties (7421)
• United States
19 Dec 12
If one child is still alive, I'd do whatever I can. It'd be very hard and I'm not sure how I'd go about it., but I'd do what I have to because there is still a child with me that needs her mother. I'd need a lot of intervention though as I've already decided if anything happens to my kids I am likely to kill myself or at least try to.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
21 Dec 12
I would definitely have to have a lot of intervention because I wouldn't put it past myself to do something stupid because I would be so torn up with grief. However, I really wouldn't want my life to come to an end because I would still have one of my children that still really needed me.
@ShyBear88 (59342)
• Sterling, Virginia
19 Dec 12
If I lost one of my two children I still wouldn't want to die and leave the one that I do still have a live with out a mother and I also wouldn't want to be in a metal hospital either.
I think it would take a lot of time and a lot of talking to someone over time to get over the lose of my child. I might get overly sad and cry a whole lot because that is my baby and I want to see my babies grow up and do things, lot of things that I did as child as I was growing. The one person that I would have to turn to is probably my husband because who else would understand my pain would be my husband but I would have to hold it together for my other child or other children if I have more the 2 that I have.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
21 Dec 12
You do have a good point, I definitely would still want to be there for my surviving child, but I also know that things would be very, very difficult for me.
I also know that if something was to happen to either Kathryn or Paul, I would definitely have to be spending a lot of time in therapy to get over the loss.
1 person likes this
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
19 Dec 12
Oh my, that would be one of the worst situations a parent could be in. I, for one, couldn't really tell how I could cope with such a misfortune in life. When I see those tragic disasters happening to other families on the news, and I ponder on what I would do if I were in the same situation, I always think that I'd really lose my sanity.
I would probably need counseling and healing. As a parent, we can't take that away from us to blame ourselves if anything bad happens to our kids. The millions of "what-ifs" would cross our minds.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
21 Dec 12
Well, my friend that lost his oldest daughter and youngest son just a little bit over two years ago seems to be coping with things fairly well. However, I think that one of his coping mechanisms is that he just doesn't think or talk about the children. His sister has told me that I'm the first person that he has come out and really talked about them to.
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@ZoeJoy (1392)
• United States
19 Dec 12
I am not sure I would be able to cope very well. My prayers goes out to those 20 families. My parents buried my youngest brother when he was only 1 day old. He only lived a few hours. We didn't talk about him much when we were growing up but he was always on our minds and in our hearts. I do believe in heaven, that would be my comfort. It is heart breaking when children who die don't get a chance to grow up, have a life and have children of their own. But I do hope that they are happy in the world beyond this world - which I call heaven.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
21 Dec 12
Just like you, I do believe in heaven and my belief in heaven has been something that has given me a lot of comfort throughout my life. However, just because of the fact that I believe in something that is much more beautiful than anything that we will ever experience in this world, I don't know that it would bring me enough comfort knowing that I would never get to hear my children tell me they love me again, I wouldn't get to go to their graduations, see them get married or to get to be a grandmother.
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37353)
• United States
23 Dec 12
I don't think I could cope with losing one of my kids....they are part of me and I can't see my life without them. I know many who have lost their kids and somehow they do go on...but they never forget them or they seem like they aren't the same. Something gets lost inside us when you lose your child.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
27 Dec 12
That is definitely something that I've seen to be the case with my friend who lost two of his children. I mean don't get me wrong, he is still a wonderful father to his surviving son and now to his new son as well. However, it is so clear to me to see that he grieves for his late daughter and son all the time. He grieves for his surviving daughter as well because her mother took her away from him a year and a half ago and he hasn't gotten to see her since.
@dawnald (85137)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Dec 12
I just don't know. I know it would be awful, but I don't think anybody knows how they would cope with such a situation unless they actually have to face it.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
21 Dec 12
I think that you are exactly right. Yes, I said that I would have to be committed or that I would not be able to go on living. However, that is just a guess, in reality, I believe that I would somehow be able to cope with the fact that my child was no longer with me and I would go on with my life, but I know that I would never be the same again.
1 person likes this
@silverfox09 (4708)
• United States
19 Dec 12
I dont know how I would be able to cope with such a thing . I think of how the parents may feel , sending their children out to school and they never make it back home and its not because they run away .
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
21 Dec 12
If nothing else, I could guarantee one thing, if I lost one of my children in a school massacre like this, I would never again be able to find it in me to be able to send my other children to school. I would simply be too scared.
@jenny1015 (13359)
• Philippines
20 Dec 12
Losing a boyfriend when I was younger almost made me crazy. how much more if it was my child? I don't want to think about it. I couldn't think of myself in such situation....well, atleast not yet. I do not know how I'd be.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
21 Dec 12
For me it was actually my father when I was very young. Yes it did teach me not to take any thing for granted. However, I also learned at an early age that it is difficult to deal with the loss of someone that you love and with my children, I love them a lot more than I loved my father.
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