Would you tell your child......
By trisha27
@trisha27 (3494)
United States
January 6, 2013 10:55pm CST
If the child that you adopted had a twin and you knew about it would you let them know? Lets say that the adoption agency informed you that the child that you were adopting had a twin, but they had already been adopted out to another family and you were adopting the other twin. Would you let them know they had a twin out there?
I would let them know. I would let them know of the situation of why we weren't able to adopt their sibling either because their twin was already adopted out or because at the time we only wanted one child. I think when it comes to things like this you shouldn't keep it from your child that you adopted. Of course this would be told after you let your child know that you adopted them. I think that they would be grateful for you telling them.
Would you support them if later on after they got older that they wanted to search for their twin. I would support them in anyway that I could.
4 people like this
14 responses
@trisha27 (3494)
• United States
7 Jan 13
Yeah I think it be best to tell them before they are 18. Like you have said some children now mature much faster and are able to comprehend certain situations like these.
You are also right it be better to tell them when they are old enough then to keep it from them. Because sooner or later they are going to find out.
@prashu228 (37518)
• India
7 Jan 13
I agree they may feel unwanted if it is not said in the correct manner and at right time. people are always more interested in poking others matters so they will definitely raise this instead we should let them know from us it self.
@prashu228 (37518)
• India
7 Jan 13
Hi
yes i will . The child has every right to know about him/her self. But i would wait for the appropriate age . Or it depends upon their understanding capability . some have this capability at a very young age but some don't. so i like to understand their capability first and then would tell them so that it wont go in a negative way. It should not have nay negative results on them they should not feel and unwanted by some one. I like to prepare them on all this make them strong mentally then i will tell them about this.
@trisha27 (3494)
• United States
7 Jan 13
You are right they have the right to know about themselves including if they had a twin or not. Its just the matter of when is the right time to tell them. Which would be when they are able to understand the situation. I don't think they would react negatively, maybe if you kept the information from them and they learned from someone else that they had a twin.
@KrauseHome (36445)
• United States
29 Jan 13
I would definately let them know about it when they are old enough to understand. I personally feel that anyone that would not do this is doing a dis service to the child and asking for problems if they find out this information for themselves.
@jaiho2009 (39140)
• Philippines
7 Jan 13
In my opinion yes,I will let my adopted child know where he/she came from.
My adopted child has all the right to know his/her origin.
I believe that there's no secret that remain forever and I don't want my adopted child to know the truth about him/her from other people.
Besides, knowing that he/she has a twin is something that a person wants to hear and I can't bear to keep a secret like this.
@trisha27 (3494)
• United States
7 Jan 13
I totally agree with you that it is good to tell them about where they come from their origin, their heritage. And if they had any brothers and sisters or who were their parents. It would be something that a child would want to know and keeping a secret like that from them would be hard and I couldn't do it. Besides they would find out about it soon enough.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
7 Jan 13
I probably wouldn't tell my child right off the bat that they had a twin somewhere out there, but I would divulge that information to them when they were old enough to comprehend the information.
For me if something like this was ever to happen, the reason that it had happened would have been that the other twin was already adopted because I personally would never be able to be the adoptive parent that would only adopt one child from a set of twins. I would feel like my child never felt complete in their life.
@trisha27 (3494)
• United States
7 Jan 13
That's exactly like me, if a twin I adopted were separated is because their twin was already adopted out. I could never separate twins up. It would be best to let them know when they are old enough to understand and then I would be there to answer any of their questions they may have.
@Professor2010 (20156)
• India
9 Feb 13
Thanks for this discussion.
Yes i will certainly tell, there are many cases where the twins met after years.
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
7 Jan 13
I would tell him if there was another twin out there. And that the twin had already been taken and the other parents did not want to return him because they waited too long. As for the other, if it were just to have the birth parent as a sort of aunt and not someone to run to all the time, or to find out the history about their genetic origin,traditions of their land, and what medical conditions that run ib her family, I would say it is okay. And I certainly like to meet her. Of course, being an adoptive parent, I have a different view of things. We have to get over the guilt as how we became infertile unless we were born that eay.
@Iriene88 (5343)
• Malaysia
7 Jan 13
YES, to all your questions. I will let them know when
he/she is ready. He/She have every right to know that.
If I am one of the twin, I am grateful that my adopted
parents let me know the truth. This has element of trust,
love, excitement and family connection in it.
At least he/she has another 'family' member and he/she
is not alone. It Does Matter.
At least he/she has another 'family' member and he/she
is not alone. It Does Matter.
@namiya (1721)
• Philippines
8 Jan 13
Yes I will tell the child at the right time. He(or she)ought to know his roots and your idea of explaining to him the reasons why your weren't able to adopt his twin, for me, is an effective way of making him understand the situation and make him realize how you love and care for him.
@jenny1015 (13359)
• Philippines
8 Jan 13
It s best to tell everything about his/her twin. And I think when an adopted child grows up, he/she needs to know who he/she really is and where he/she came from.
@ShyBear88 (59342)
• Sterling, Virginia
8 Jan 13
Of course I would let my child know if they had twin out there. They might one day want to meet each other and start there bound other wise they might always feel that there is something that they are missing. Even years later after not seeing or knowing each other they feel each other.
@thewonderboy (7501)
• India
8 Jan 13
I would surely them about such an issue because I am an one who loves to share everything with my family. It doesn't matter the issue is too small to too big I just share with them. I feel they are my life and I just used to do so till now. My family includes my children, my parents and my wife. I think this will help me to lead my life quite easily. Now I don't have a wife and kids so I just used to share all the matters with my parents .
Such sharing piece of mind will surely help us to get up from the troubles. It doesn't matter what the depth of the troubles are.
@41CombedaleRoad (5966)
• Greece
21 Jan 13
If I adopted a child whether a twin or not, I would tell them from the very beginning that I had chosen them and they were special. I would tell them this before they had any real understanding of adoption so that it would accepted by them as normal. If they had a twin I would tell them when they were old enough to cope with this additional information. If they wanted to search out a birth mother or a twin or any other sibling of course I would help them, I would make it my quest as well as theirs so that our sense of being family remained intact.
