My Own Father!

United States
January 19, 2013 12:03pm CST
I really am not a hate filled person. In fact I am more often than not, a warm person, kind, gentle etc. When it comes to my dad though, I am starting to hate him. I am coming to realize who he is. It makes me also realize how blind we are as children because as a kid I always favored my dad. He is sexist against women. How can a father with two girls and five nieces, be sexist, against women? And yet, he is. I am realizing this and it is making me sick. Recently he has made a friend. A woman who has two boys. He wants to help the woman with the two boys. Sure, that's fine, more power to him. However you should hear some of the things he says. He is showing favoritism toward these two boys, he barely knows, in such huge ways over his own neices. I am seeing why I have the issues with myself that I do. What do you think?
2 people like this
8 responses
• Philippines
19 Jan 13
Hi, Before I say anything, do you have any brother? Maybe your father was just seeking for a pal with common interests as his'. When you were still a girl did you ever hear him complaint of having you two girls as his children? If yes, then I would agree with you but if he was there when you needed a dad then I guess the matter is just a misunderstanding. I also felt that when my brother stopped talking to me and his eyes were like telling me to go back to my mom's tummy because he wants a younger brother and not me. But then it was just a lil misinterpretation afterall.
2 people like this
• United States
19 Jan 13
No, he has never said he wasn't happy to have us as girls. Although it shows in his actions. I have one older half brother, they are not close. I do think he needed a couple pals. It is fine and I think it is good he has those friends. He does not need to treat his neices worse than them though, does he?
1 person likes this
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
19 Jan 13
I Always favored my father too. But I guess it also was because at least he did spend some minutes with me which my mother never did (although looking back it was more he was doing his thing and I was allowed to be there or help him out). The older I got the more he did open my eyes with his behaviour, lies, cheating and trying to use me for his cheating as well. So our relationship did end. I can't stay liars and people who make false promises. I also can't stand men who abuse and manipulate women. I doubt my father ever loved one of his children, he did always liked his daughters more but only because they "adored" him more as a boy/son would do. Well one day that was over as well. What I think? I think men are selfish and they only care about daughters as long as they idealize him or adore him. And they like to show off if it comes to others/strangers. Just to show how great they are/what a great dad. Pity enough just for strangers not for their own kids. I see it around me everywhere.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Jan 13
You are the first "best response" I have given. I liked your manner of writing and your comment has really left a mark because of how you described your dad. I see this in my neices father. He will allow them to be around while he works at least. I do not know about the other half of him cheating or lying. I am sorry you had to deal with all of htat.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
19 Jan 13
hi echo I am like LMB as I hate to see any parent showing favoritism for one child over another. I cannot blame you for feeling angry with your dad.I wonder why he does that as does he think its macho to always favor males over females?. . My dad was a counrty doctor yet he had this thing about crippled people or people with any defect whether of mind or body.If He saw a crippled person walking towards him on our small town street he would quickly go across to the other side of the street.This in a doctor? I hated that really and I never was close to my father from then on.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Jan 13
Your dad sounds very hypocritical to be acting that way. Any doctor normally does not avoid the sick and elderly. I am doing well so far with the neices today have not showed favoritism and I will keep it in mind more now that we have dicussed it, actually, because I know it causes harm.
@jambi462 (4576)
• United States
19 Jan 13
My father is the same way and I can't really say that I necessarily hate him because when he's around he's a nice guy and fun to be with but the time we spend together has been little to none the past twenty one years. He is also a womanizer like your father, he left my mom after she found out she was pregnant with me and he left my sister's mom out of I don't know maybe boredom or something. He seems to get more joy out of dating as many ugly women and barflies as he possibly can rather then meaningful relationships and being with his kids. I was never really too offended growing up when we didn't spend that much time together. However around six years ago give or take he told me he was moving to West Virginia to be with my little sister and my step mom. This I was all for because it would give him a chance to at least be a solid parent with one of his children. However he ended up leaving my sister just like he left me and that's what really made me think about what kind of person he actually is. My sister is hurt by not having him around but I'm so used to it that it doesn't and hasn't bothered me. Pretty much the only thing he's taught me is how NOT to be a dad. It just motivates me to try and be the best father possible when I have kids of my own.
• United States
20 Jan 13
Jambi, sorry to hear about all of that. My dad is not abusive physically but is mentally and verbally. ulan, I do hope he comes to a realization with this and other things in his life. I have been here for him. The problem is he does not consider it helping him. I am afraid to leave him alone yet I am getting the brunt of his abuse.
@ulan12rc (222)
• Qatar
19 Jan 13
There are lot of men like your dad but as you were saying it gives you lesson in life to learn, so just try to understand him and pray for him to find the one he is seeking for. Time will come that he will realize all the wrong things he's doing. And for your decision it is good not to follow his footstep I agree with you at that perception, I hope and pray that it will really make you a good dad someday. Good luck!
• Valdosta, Georgia
19 Jan 13
I think I really hate favoritism in any situation! In all situations favoring one child over another hurts and is very unfair. He might not think his nieces notice or care but I am sure they do. And I am sure they are hurt by it and so they should be... I have always swore I would NEVER favor any of my children because I know how that feels and I don't do it. I even ask other people if they see me favoring any of my kids and they tell me no, you can tell you love them all the same. It is true, I made sure not to ever do it. My younger sister was favored my entire life by my mother and my brother was strongly favored by my father. My older sister and I were always left out... It hurt us a LOT. It was very unfair. And it has actually carried into our adult lives with certain things going through that. It definitely affects kids, anyone that says it doesn't is lying! I don't blame you for being angry with your father, favoring and being sexist are not good qualities to have... Not at all.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Jan 13
You are good to not involve yourself with favoritism. I have shown some myself and I know that. I have tried very hard to correct that recently because I do know as well how that feels. In parenting I hope I would do better. As an aunt it is difficult because I rarely see them so it is hard for me to be consistent. I work on it all of the time and I am doing much better though, I would say. I am dumbstruck to know he is so sexist though.
1 person likes this
• China
21 Jan 13
I can understand how you feel.In China,this is a common phenomenon in quite a lot of less developed areas.They treat woman inferior to the man and think the man is more important than woman.But this view changes gradually owing to the one-child policy in China.I should be grateful that it never happen in my family.It is annoying when someone is against women.I also want to ask here,who brought him to this world? His great mother.A woman as well.So just ignore his ideas,after all,he is your father.Hope you are not affected by his behaviors.
• United States
21 Jan 13
You're right. His ideals are more ignorant to me than he knows. I hope one day he feels the same about them so they will be dropped though.
@sulynsi (2669)
• Canada
19 Jan 13
I think its possible he isn't showing favoritism to this lady's sons because he is sexist. I think he may be showing interest in the boys because of the lady. which doesn't make him sexist, it makes him a normal male. I hope this isn't a scandalous suggestion, but even if he doesn't have ulterior motives, if a person is attracted to someone, they can be a little out of balance, at least for the time being. I hope he gets over it soon.
• United States
20 Jan 13
Your suggestion is not scandalous. It is likely partly true. Though I do not completely rule out his sexism over this as I have seen smaller showings of it in the past.
19 Jan 13
We all learn in life,no one is born perfect.Instead of hating him, ask him questions and get to the root of the problem.Explain him how favoritism affects kids and what is wrong with it.Tell him it hurts your feelings.Men don't understand what is wrong if you don't explain them.
• United States
20 Jan 13
You are right except the fact that communication is the hardest thing between us.