forgive, forget and move on...

@enelym001 (8322)
Philippines
January 29, 2013 2:23am CST
If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend and you’ve called it quits because you feel it is not going anywhere. And then two weeks later you’ve accidentally found out you have been cheated or lied to by your ex which is still your friend. Would you tell it to his/her face or just let it go since the relationship is already over? Or Would you just let him/her feel that you are ignorant of everything?
4 people like this
22 responses
@Jlyn10 (11966)
• Malaysia
30 Jan 13
If it was me, I wouldn't bother much about it but rather get on with my life. I'll probably feel happy about it as I know that I've made the right move to break up with him in the first place.
1 person likes this
@Jlyn10 (11966)
• Malaysia
16 Feb 13
Keep ignoring his messages. Eventually, he will get tired or bored with whatever he's trying to do. I think he still have not gotten over the breakup.
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
25 Feb 13
Ah! How can I ignore now... he keeps sending a message, I think trying to get my attention for me to talk or say something. Being an accommodating person, I was replying with one-word only, or a one-liner. I think that would do.
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
31 Jan 13
Yeah I am happy I made the right movie Jenny. But what's bothering me is him who still sends me message which I kept ignoring. It is not about us but just about anything as he is still an FB friend. Could not able to delete him I was just waiting for him to finally feel that it's worthless for us being friends so he would think about deleting me.
2 people like this
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
29 Jan 13
Hi godmom That really doesnt matter now. We have already parted our ways and maybe living our lives better. So why get back to show that things could have been some better or worse. A move ahead for good is always something that I would prefer to opt for. So in a way, let me remain ignorant of everything and continue as is... I will have my day someday...
1 person likes this
• Canada
29 Jan 13
YES...my dearest Bro', that is the path of least resistance, and the choice of a very wise person...a much bigger person than I am! A foible I find so hard ...knowing that one has cheated and lied, and felt so little of me that I was rendered a fool. There is a lot to be said for Karma..but there is just times when my character is maligned with such malevolence that I must set the record straight...and then I will and CAN move on, without the perpetrator darkening my world, again. EVER! This is some-one our dear Little En, trusted, believed in and gave her heart to, and for that she was treated cruelly and that must be so painful! I have a brand new, lovely 27 inch Monitor...and rallying from that awful "Flu" big that rendered me almost useless for 3 weeks. Look out...I'm back...
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
30 Jan 13
let me remain ignorant of everything and continue as is... I will have my day someday... Exactly what I'm doing now godson Although I can't help posting a phrase today from dearest pergammano It's just my way of letting him know that I know it - not directly telling him but I am sure he would be puzzled just as he was puzzled the other day with a quote I posted. But this time I am sure he would learn how to distance himself away from me, which is exactly what I want. I can't wait when I'll have my day :))
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
30 Jan 13
@my dear, I wish no bad karma for him. I would just wish that he change for the better. I know he is not a bad person, although what he did is bad. Woot! Great to know you have a new and bigger monitor… and that you are well now. So this is the reason I didn’t see you around lately…
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
31 Jan 13
If you had not said that you two were still friends then I would say to just let it go. But a "friend" would not lie or cheat you so in that case I would just calmly tell him what you know and end the friendship. No need to be confrontational but he really is not your friend.
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
2 Feb 13
Hi sid, But a "friend" would not lie or cheat you True enough! And I think I must not consider him a friend anymore. ANd I really thought I can. But whenever I think about the lies - I can't really accept it. So I ignores his message. And turns out, it's good coz he finally deactivated his account. I guess he's puzzled, shameful, guilty. Serves him right! So there's no more connection between us. And I'm happy about it. I'd be completely happy if I let him know what I found out. It was useless but sometimes I should have tell him.
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
2 Feb 13
***It was useless but sometimes I think it's better if I should have tell him.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
29 Jan 13
I would still feel devastated. But I don't think that I should confront him with it anymore. Anyway, we have given up our relationship, so why bother?
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
29 Jan 13
I would feel the same way too. I guess it is normal to feel annoyed and angry because you have believed in them that they have not done anything wrong. And I guess you are also right that a confrontation won't be necessary since the relationship is already over.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Jan 13
i would just let it go. when i'm done with someone i'm completely done. people who cheat don't normally make it far in life.
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
30 Jan 13
'guess you're right 21ravensbaby, although I would still wish these people will change and be better in the future. I would not want to see people I cared in the past be in a dark & desperate life.
• Philippines
29 Jan 13
hi en, He is not worth it anymore why should I bother about it happy mylotting
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
29 Jan 13
You're right bhahy! I guess it will be really useless letting the person know what you've found out. But just in case the person started bothering you there will be something to slap on his face
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
30 Jan 13
The relationship I guess had a closure since it's clearly pointed out in a message that it's over. And I think not letting the person know is way better, guilt feelings will be felt for sure.
@ZoeJoy (1392)
• United States
29 Jan 13
You only want to say something to this cheater for your own sake and for the sake of closure. That way, you have said all that you have to say and now, you can move forward and leave this cheater behind you. Waaay behind.
@MissPiggy (1748)
• Indonesia
30 Jan 13
It's over but he's still a friend? Then I would tell him right in the face about it and end everything, even the friendship. I know it's mean, but it's already happened to me and I've done it. Sometimes I thought about forgiving him, but he doesn't deserve it. Even until today. I am not angry with him anymore, but I'm still somehow disappointed. So, yeah, I won't forgive, I will try to forget, but I have definitely moved on. (Have I? )
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
30 Jan 13
Hi MissPiggy, I know what you feel. We can forgive, but it really is never easy to forget. Well I don't really know whether you have moved on. Some says that if you are happy with your life now and with a new love then you can say you have moved on already.
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
31 Jan 13
I do understand... we actually think that we have forgiven the person. But when we talk about the past, we still feel that hatred we felt towards the person. It's really hard but the good thing is that we can already laugh about what happened in the past too. It's great to know that it didn't take a long time for you to found a new love. I do believe that having a new love can ease away the pain and sadness.
1 person likes this
@MissPiggy (1748)
• Indonesia
31 Jan 13
oh, I have moved on and found a new love. In fact I already moved on a week after the break up. However, I should have forgiven him if I have really moved on. Right? Keeping anger is not good. But well, that's the hardest part.
1 person likes this
@johndur (3052)
• Pasig, Philippines
30 Jan 13
for me,i will just stay calm and be thankful that its over between us and glad to know this early about the part time love of your partner.it could have been more painful if you found out about it while youre still in good terms.
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
31 Jan 13
Yeah it will be more painful. And I am happy that we're done. It's really over and I must be glad that I won't have to feel the pain anymore or being continuous lied and feel confused.
1 person likes this
@julyteen (13252)
• Davao, Philippines
30 Jan 13
Although it will hurt my feelings still I won't do anything. I don't have any right already to complain because we are no longer connected. Well, I think you need to move on and forgive him/her but never forget what he/she did
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
31 Jan 13
I've moved on already. It was nothing. What just irritates is how he thinks I am ignorant of some things. Well I could have been ignorant if I didn't see something. He's part of the past now and I would not tell him about it. He would feel it anyway. And if he cheats anyone, he only cheats himself too with all the lies he tells.
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
30 Jan 13
I think you should feel a little relieved that you're not in that relationship anymore. Knowing that he/she cheated on you, just goes to show that you've made the right decision to end the relationship. I would still tell it to her/his face. And then evaluate if the friendship is still worth keeping.
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
31 Jan 13
I'm relieved. I feel better. I feel that I am free. No more worries. No confusion. And while I trying to ignore him this morning from the message he sent in FB... I am now glad that he had deactivated his account. Prolly felt that I no longer cared and that he's guilty. LoL!
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
31 Jan 13
oh I forgot to say too... I didn;t want to tell it to his face, I feel it will be worthless anymore as he might reason out well. He;s good at that. About evaluating whether to keep him as a friend, I have come to realize it is also pointless being friends with him. And that is why I did not reply to his message anymore. To make him feel that we should just leave each other alone. I was waiting for him to delete or deactivate his account.. as he's fond of deactivating his account. And the wait is over, as just this afternoon he finally did deactivated his FB.... so now we are no longer friends!
1 person likes this
@kingparker (9673)
• United States
30 Jan 13
I might felt a bit anger if I found it out later. But reconsider it, as you said, the relationship is over, and you already called it quit, just let it go, and forget about. But I would re - evaluate if I will get back to him/her in the future, since he/she already done cheating once. Hopefully you will move on too, and don't think too much.
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
30 Jan 13
There is no going back. Once it is through, it must be kept in the past only. Leave it behind and take only those that you have learned from it. And yes you are right, the smart decision is to just let it pass and forget about it. What matters is that you're not the one who cheated and lied. You are the one who got fooled.
1 person likes this
@Angelpink (4035)
• Philippines
30 Jan 13
Hi there ! When you say call it quits it means it's over , so why you need to confront him , futile right ? When you will confront that means you still want to hold on in that relationship , somehow you care and somehow you are still interested . How can you moved on then ? I guess just let him go , set yourself free and move forward because there is a reason why things happen.
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
31 Jan 13
Hiya Angelpink! You hit it right! If I’d be the one to start the confrontation that would only mean I am holding on in that relationship, I want him back and only giving him a chance to apologize. Right now I am ignoring him. At least trying to. Trying not to reply on his message, which is not about the relationship. So there is really no way I would tell that to him. Only If he ask me and insisted then I guess I would have no choice but tell him. He is still a friend on facebook so he still can send me a message. I wanted to delete him but I think it is childish to do so. Temporarily I turned off my chat option so he would not ask why I’m not replying.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
30 Jan 13
I will still feel upset because I have been cheated by the man I used to love and trust but since the relationship is over, I wouldn't bother confronting him anymore because what happened in the past remains in the past. I don't think it makes sense if I talk to him about what I have found out but, I will not trust him or even befriends with him anymore.
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
30 Jan 13
True, it's pointless to let the person know that you are aware of the bad thing he did. Never would I trust a person like him again too. I know that we must always give some person a chance to change but I still believe in what they say... Once a cheater always a cheater. well who knows he'll change.. if he do, then I'll be happy about it but never will get back with him again.
1 person likes this
@ZoeJoy (1392)
• United States
29 Jan 13
I think you would feel better if you did tell him that you are so disappointed in him because he cheated. Say so, in an honest and straight forward manner. That way, it lets him know that you are an honest and faithful person and you deserve better. In a way, you are saying it to yourself - you deserve better. Then, there is closure. And, NO, if I were you, I would NOT continue to be friends with him, as he is NOT an honest person. And you deserve better friends than that.
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
30 Jan 13
Hi ZoeJoy, It really feels better to let the person know that you are aware of him cheating or lying, whatever it is he did. However, I do think it won’t be needed anymore. I think being honest with the person, never saying that you have a little idea about he’s lies and just making him feel that you know it… will shut them up and make them feel guilty which I think he’s feeling now.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
30 Jan 13
Me, i would confront. And i will him that he is being bad. And as a friend, i will advise him not to do that to other woman. Because KARMA is real.
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
30 Jan 13
and what if he says it is not true or reason out very well...? I guess i'd better make him feel that guilt. He would know it. ANd he would feel it. Yes Karma is real but I do hope he would just learn his lesson but not have a bad life.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (58673)
• Delhi, India
29 Jan 13
HI! If you have decided to quit and end the relationship, then there should no be going back. It is assumed that you take a decision after much deliberations and calculations and you should feel OK about your decision.
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
29 Jan 13
Hi dpk, Such a nice advise. And yes it is true that totally ending the relationship means there is no getting back because it was all well thought of and not just decided in a haste.
1 person likes this
@pergammano (7682)
• Canada
29 Jan 13
My dear little enelym...NOT often can some-one wrankle me enough to vent my feelings.....BUT make a fool of me and you will suffer my wrath, in a very controlled manner! And then you will be banished from my life! This world is filled with beautiful people that I can surround myself with, rather than those that cheat and lie! Often we are judged by those we surround ourselves with, sadly....so it is with aplomb I would not associate myself with those of this kind of moral fibre, BUT I would also NOT let them think I was ignorant, and they had pulled the wool over my eyes! I would approach them in a very calm and cool manner, and let them know, with pleasure, I don't associate with "his/her" kind of person! (You can tell this has made me angry..LOL)
• Canada
30 Jan 13
Concern,,,YOU betcha, my Princess! If I was in your area, I would be the one "kicking his butt" for what he has done to you!!!! My pain for you, is that this kind of behaviour from others causes US to have a jaded view of others! Whether we like it, or not, it has residual affects on our future relations, and some-one in our future whom really deserves our love and respect...doesn't get all of us, as we hold a little back to protect ourselves! Use all your artillery, little one, any lines from anything I have to say that may ease some of your pain. Know you are revered, little one! HUGZ
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
30 Jan 13
Awww thanks my dear for even wanting to kick his butt His not so near to me so he's lucky. Well you guess it right, I don't easily believe with words of others and I sometimes joke about it when someone says they like me. I have rejected a couple of guys lately because I believe so they are not for real. I am not sure but well it is better to reject someone you don't feel attracted to. Other times, I have a hard time distinguishing who is real and who is not... and have fears a guy would just fool me or not... A friend says don't over protect myself as maybe I'd meet someone true but since I'm too afraid I didn't know I'll lose him. I'll try to kick those fears away while I loosen up a bit.
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
30 Jan 13
Hahaha! I was laughing reading your response my dear pergammano! I feel so much concern from you and I am truly grateful about it. Love you my dear In fact I would like to use some lines from what you said, making a quote on my fb account. And I know that it will really hit the person hard. I've posted a quote days ago where he reacted and it made him sleepless and guilty, I suppose (as per his post) For me that's already a sweet revenge where I need not slap on his face whatever I found out. But in case he bothers me and act like an angel, I would gladly smack it on his face.
1 person likes this
@Iriene88 (5343)
• Malaysia
29 Jan 13
Why bother ... it is over. However, it is good that you found out about it and this proved that you have make the right decision earlier to call it a quit! Life have its own season and he is just a part in your life during that season. So, just move on and life has so much more wonderful surprises for you in the coming seasons. Stay healthy and stay happy!
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
29 Jan 13
Yes it will actually make you feel great that you won;t have to regret whatever decision you have made once you find out that the person actually cheated on you. Whether or not the person is serious about the third party involved it is still called cheating and breaking one's trust.
1 person likes this
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
29 Jan 13
I would say it just to let him know I know I know what he did. Plus the friendship is over, which would be over anyway. Ex = exit, there is a reason for that. Friendship you can't have with someone you can not trust.
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
29 Jan 13
Hi Kitty, This is a bit confusing sometimes. What I have in mind is to just let it go since the relationship is through. However, just letting the person know that you are aware of something can make the ex feel more guilty, and I guess it's best and most simple revenge one can ever make. The only question is how to let the ex know it in a subtle way. I also thought that ending the friendship is better especially if the person betrayed you and fooled you. Most importantly when you have given them nothing but pure love.
1 person likes this
@vernaC (1491)
• Romania
29 Jan 13
I think for one last time I would confront the guy to let go of the stress. Because we couldn't help not to think about it, for sure we will think [/i]so that's why, but why didn't he said it right away[i], and more things or situations to think about. So to free myself from all of these I will tell him I know now why it didn't work because he's cheating and that's it, move one is the next step.
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
30 Jan 13
I have thought about it, but I guess doing such can be worthless already. I already know what I want and I know that I do not want him in my future before I even discovered about the cheating or flirting with another. I was kinda laughing although hurt with the discovery. But I guess God has finally shown me the answer why I feel confused and unhappy with our relationship.
• Malaysia
9 Feb 13
I just not sure I can do that forgive, forget and move on... I not kind of people that let other to lie me, all I want pure relation and strong communication is needed.
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
10 Feb 13
me too, i just can't take it that long if someone continuously lie to me. And that is why it is better ending up the relationship than keeping it and dealing with lies.
• Malaysia
13 Feb 13
i agree with you enelym001, just end up it. i hate this kind of relationship..........