Losing Childhood...

Lenox, Georgia
March 4, 2013 9:28pm CST
I was having a discussion with someone the other day about children and how much they should do or should not do. I feel kids should be kids as long as possible. I mean, there is nothing wrong with kids having some responsibility but they should not be expected to do EVERYTHING when they are young! I want my kids to enjoy their childhood, it doesn't last long enough as it is. Some people put too much pressure on their kids and want them to do everything themselves. I think teaching independence comes in it's own time, not when children are so young...
8 people like this
31 responses
@bjc66bjc (6742)
• United States
5 Mar 13
Loving I totally agree with you, children are not young long enough..I do however think that children need to learn responsibilities. But now a job..there are however life lessons that comes when children are young.. Childhood is a period of life that comes and goes before we know it..
1 person likes this
• Lenox, Georgia
5 Mar 13
Oh don't get me wrong my kids have responsibilities as well but its nothing extreme. And if they forget I just remind them. I know their kids and their young, they forget. They think more about playing than chores. But my kids spend more time playing than doing chores...
@redredrose (1107)
• United States
5 Mar 13
I have no kids but i do have a 4 yr old nephew and 9 yr old niece. They do things by themselves such as pick up their toys dress themselves. My nephew doesn't pick out his clothes his parents do that but he can put them on by himself. My niece empties the dishwasher and helps set and clear the table for meals and clean her bedroom and playroom and put her clothes away after they are washed. This is all my 9 yr old niece does she doesn't do the laundry or wash the floor or anything like that. Oh yeah she feeds their dog as well. My niece's parents are teaching her to be independent and all but not giving her so many chores to do that she can't handle it or that an adult would do. She also gets an allowance every weeks and when she wants something they take her shopping and she buys it. Tho they do teach her how to shop and get things cheap or not to spend all her money.
1 person likes this
• Lenox, Georgia
5 Mar 13
There is nothing wrong with letting kids do some things and do some chores themselves. But I don't believe kids should have to do everything that a parent should be doing. I am not so lazy that I make my kids do things I should be doing, some parents are like that. Kids should still have fun and still be kids. There's nothing wrong with kids cleaning up after themselves but they should not have to clean messes they did not make either...
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (61041)
• United States
5 Mar 13
Some people shouldn't be parents. I have a friend who's oldest brother's two daughters practically had to raise themselves. He wasn't really there a lot, doing two jobs at one point and his wife, later ex-wife, was also doing long hours at work and NOT getting anyone to help with the kids. She told me that they survived on what they could find easy to eat and making stuff that was easy enough for a 6 & 4 year old child could make.
• Lenox, Georgia
5 Mar 13
I agree with you, not everyone should be a parent! Some people are not around enough and some other people just want the kids when it is good for them, when it's not good for them they don't want them around or the responsibility of them. I think kids should be able to have fun and be kids!
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (61041)
• United States
5 Mar 13
I agree. I see too many times when someone who shouldn't have a kid, has more than one... and the children suffer from it. The roomie's nephews and niece had that happen because their mother should NEVER have had a child!
• United States
5 Mar 13
I know people like this myself and don't think they should have kids either. Tho my sister is not like that with her kids she lets them play maybe not all day and not everything they want to but she does let them and she does hug them play with them read to them etc. I have friends who are like my sister is with kids but then again i also know people that are not around for their kids even when they have the time. If your not going to be there for the kid and not take care of the kid then why have kids. I know there are people who even have nurses and nannies for their kids and why then have a kid.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28926)
• United States
5 Mar 13
I am not disagreeing with your parenting style as I truly believe there's no right or wrong way to raise a child.. as long as they're loved, happy, and healthy. However, in my opinion and my own parenting style.. I do not see independence as a loss of childhood. I think the more responsibility and independence they learn, the better prepared they'll be for the real world. Of course the responsibilities and independence should be age appropriate.. I wouldn't expect a 5 year old to have to do everything on their own.. but if they're capable of doing something for themselves than they should. You won't always be there to do things for them and eventually they need to learn how to do these things for themselves, otherwise they'll be lost once they grow up and leave the nest.
• Lenox, Georgia
5 Mar 13
We are actually in agreement with this... Because that is my whole point. The things kids do should be age appropriate, and sometimes their not. That is where my problem comes in with some parents. Children should NOT do everything that parents should be doing. Yes kids should learn responsibility and independence from a young age. But they should also be allowed to enjoy their childhood since it is so short lived! My children have chores that they have to do or their punished. But that is not all they do either. Their still allowed to have fun in their life! My kids do things that are right for their ages, they clean their playroom, pick up their toys in the living room when they leave them in there and they clean their rooms. And when they want to help with other things like putting laundry in the dryer (with me) I let them of course! So I don't do everything for them. But there is a balance which is what I think is very important!
• United States
5 Mar 13
That's true, there does need to be balance. What I can't stand are people who raise little brats who refuse to do anything for themselves because their parents "baby" them and the kids treat everyone, including their parents, like dirt! When I see kids behaving like that I want to smack the parents!
• Lenox, Georgia
5 Mar 13
Completely agree with you, parents should not do every single thing for their children either. Then they do end up being little brats, I would not want my kids behaving like that at all! Who would want their kids to be brats, that I just don't understand...
• United States
6 Mar 13
.I freeze and decide not to do anything when pressured.My mom must have figured this out. I never had too much on my plate. She wanted me to study and do my best. And I did. I got to play after homework was done and All summer long. But it seems these days the kids Must have straight A's and Must do many chores! way too much pressure.
• Lenox, Georgia
7 Mar 13
Yeah there is a LOT of pressure on kids now a days. I just think it is good to have a balance with them. Yes they should have to help out but they should also still be able to be kids and play too. Balance to me is the best way... =)
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Mar 13
@inertia4 (27797)
• United States
6 Mar 13
I like your way of thinking. And I totally agree with you on this. But tell that to my evil ex. She thinks the kids should be doing everything. My son is 12 and my daughter is 8. I think they were robbed of their childhood already. I didn't grow up really until I was around 15 or 16. I enjoyed every single moment of my life as a child. Thats why when the kids are with me I don't pressure them. I let them be children. The way it should be.
• Lenox, Georgia
7 Mar 13
Well thank you. =) I would tell your evil ex if I knew her, Lol. That is really sad, childhood is the best time of most people's lives and to be robbed of it is so unfair. Yes I think kids should help out around the house but they should be playing more than cleaning!
1 person likes this
@inertia4 (27797)
• United States
7 Mar 13
I have told her many times and had many fights with her. She is just an @sshole. She must have been born that way only I never realized it. LOL. But when I have the kids, they are kids. I let them practically get away with murder. Figure of speech.
@sid556 (30997)
• United States
5 Mar 13
Teaching our kids to be independent and responsible is our jobs as parents. That being said, it is a long process that is spread out over at least 18 yrs. I very much agree with you that childhood is important. It is VERY important in developing creativity and imagination and social skills, etc. On the opposite end of it, there are a ton of kids who are taught nothing and then they turn 18 and are expected to suddenly be mature and independent. Either extreme is just wrong for the kids.
• Lenox, Georgia
6 Mar 13
Yeah it is. But there also has to be a balance. Kids should be able to play and have fun but also have some responsibilities as well. Any extreme is not good.
@sid556 (30997)
• United States
6 Mar 13
Yes. That's exactly what I was trying to say...there HAS to be a balance and the responsibility has to be age appropriate. Playtime is just as important (maybe more so at a young age) as responsibilities.
@sulynsi (2835)
• Canada
5 Mar 13
it really is all about balance and understanding your children, their abilities and needs and learning styles while it is clearly wrong to force a child's development, it is equally abusive to overindulge I know there are battles I should have won with my kids not for my benefit, but for theirs we parents are preparing our little ones for LIFE we need to give them all the tools and advantages we can, within the limits of their ability it is an awful lot harder to discipline yourself than to learn to take appropriate responsibility while young keep in mind I have said appropriate responsibility, and each parent must make that detemination for their own child, with knowledge and love
• Lenox, Georgia
5 Mar 13
I think it is a good idea to have a balance with kids. Too much of anything is not good. My kids have chores and things they have to do but they also have fun and act like children as well. Once they are adults, life in general is one big chore and no fun at all. So while they are young I want them to learn how to do things but I also want them to have fun while they can! =)
@sulynsi (2835)
• Canada
5 Mar 13
I hear ya! above all mommy, LOVE them and ENJOY them!! I am so happy for you that you are at home with them while they are little they are little for such a short time!!
@jenny1015 (13380)
• Philippines
5 Mar 13
I believe that in that, too! At a young age, we may start teaching our kids how to do small things that they should learn while growing up. But we should not make them do more than what their small body can handle. That is what I often tell my kids. The youngest is 8 years old. And I tell all 4 of them to try to help me in doing certain things in the house like sweeping the floor or fixing the dinner table. Never have I demanded from them to do the laundry, the ironing or cooking.
• Lenox, Georgia
5 Mar 13
Yeah, there is nothing wrong with some chores being done around the house. But they should not be doing everything around the house that parents should do. I have no fun at all in my life and my kids might go through the same thing once their adults so I want them to enjoy life while they can.
@jenny1015 (13380)
• Philippines
6 Mar 13
Exactly! We really wound't want to rub off the fun and enjoyment that our kids can have while they are young. We can only be young once and pushing them to make things beyond what they really should and can might not give them a good feeling about us and they might also end up doing it the same to their kids.
@celticeagle (122877)
• Boise, Idaho
5 Mar 13
Life is short. I agree that kids should enjoy their childhoods. But, I also feel that as kids grow older(10 or 11 now days) THey need to start having responsibilities. It needs to be a part of their lives. And I think they will be better people for it and thank us later on. That doesn't mean they have alot of responsibility but some and consequences if they aren't done. It's life and they need to learn it early on. And each child is an individual and that needs to be taken under consideration too. And independence comes with age and if kids aren't ready and haven't experienced some responsibility and know to some degree how to handle it they won't fare well. Believe me kids begin feeling they can handle it all very early. Their frontal lobes aren't fully developed during their teens and they do need to be reins in. It is up to parents to keep a line of communication open and have a good enough relationship with their children that their lives are a mystery to them. Responsibility and a home life is very important.
• Lenox, Georgia
5 Mar 13
Absolutely there is nothing wrong with kids having some responsibilities in the house they live in. There is a problem however if that is all they ever do. They should have some fun and enjoy their childhoods, that is the only good times they will have in their lives! Now that I am an adult, I have absolutely no fun whatsoever. I hate it but its life, so I want my kids to have fun while they still can! My children have chores and such but that is not all they ever do either.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (122877)
• Boise, Idaho
5 Mar 13
Well that is great and as it should be. I think that even as grown adult we should have something to enjoy, some hobby or thing we are interested in. If not it is a sort of sad life.
@AidaLily (1450)
• United States
5 Mar 13
I had posted in the other discussion by someone too, but I shall post here. Since I wouldn't want to cloud up their topic with this conversation. I see no issues with children dressing themselves (I pick out my children's clothing though), buckling themselves into the car (as long as the parent checks to make sure they are buckled in and child locks on the door), cleaning up their rooms or the area they play in of any toys or even drink containers like those little juice hugs, and a few other smaller things. It isn't them growing up to fast or forcing independence but teaching them some independence when their young is helpful. Otherwise, they will grow up and expect their parents to do nearly everything for them. I know a 19 year old who still expects that all he needs to do is put laundry in a hamper and wipe off the table. His mother will do the rest. Her only reasoning for not teaching him anything was that she didn't want him to grow up too fast. My children are 4 and now 6 and they are still kids. They just have chores. They have their punishments like not going to the park if they didn't clean up their messes and more. They still have fun and behave like children. I still cook their dinners, do their laundry and every now and then I let them help me in the kitchen by drying the dishes. There is nothing wrong with any of that. Teaching independence to me starts young. Not to let the kids be so independent that the parents aren't needed or to the extreme of letting a young child cook but they should be taught it. If they aren't, I think they grow into spoiled adults like many of the college students and the like now. I can only look at them and think, what if their parents taught them more responsibility when they were younger? Maybe they wouldn't be the obviously spoiled brats they are now. That isn't true with everyone of course but many of them. I had chores and responsibility. By 7 years old, I had to wash dishes, by 8 do my own laundry, and by 9 or 10 I was cooking small meals like spaghetti or chili for the family. I don't think I turned out bad at all from it. Of course now I sometimes come across as - a very determined, strong-willed, educational elitist/possible sociopath who is as compassionate as I am cold and heartless. Still at least I feel more driven to do something about my life than some of my classmates. No way is really wrong unless the children are doing too much on their own. My kids aren't going to be allowed to cook anything until maybe 15 and no actually doing the dishes until 11. Everyone is different and thus they have different thoughts.
@AidaLily (1450)
• United States
5 Mar 13
My kids at the moment I would say should enjoy chores. My husband and I have had disagreements about what would happen if they ever come home with bad grades. I fully believe in punishing them and/or grounding them for up to a week for under a B on a test, in a class, etc. I am not truly accepting of anything under a B, which are C's and lower as even a B is pushing it in my book. My husband however is and we've even fought about the six year old going to a small day camp as he says they should have fun and I say fun isn't going to get them anywhere and want him to go to a summer school like day camp. They can have fun while learning in my opinion but yeah.
• Lenox, Georgia
5 Mar 13
I agree that having responsibility is not a bad thing. Kids should learn how to do things so they continue to do it as they get older. That is not my issue. I have an issue with kids having more chores than their parents! That is how some parents do things and that I do not agree with. Like I was saying my sister's kids do a LOT at home for their young ages and they get punished like a 12 year old would instead of their age appropriate punishments. Not getting to go to the park or something would be a fine punishment and they would learn next time to do what they are supposed to do. But being grounded for a certain length of time is just mean to me. It is not the right form of punishment in my opinion for a 4 & 5 year old. That is the problem with me, more chores than playing. I just don't want my kids having no fun at their ages. NO fun comes into play when we are adults. I have no fun in my life, and I know their life could be the same when they are adults so I want them to have their fun while they can-now. Like I said, my kids have chores and things they must do as well. But they also have fun and get to play more than just chores.
@lumenmom (1995)
• United States
8 Mar 13
I agree they should be kids as long as possible. They will have plenty of time to be grown. I believe in letting children help out, but mainly to indulge their curiosity and need to mimic adults. I think their young lives should be about learning and growth and less about responsibility. All of that comes in time.
• Lenox, Georgia
8 Mar 13
Yeah, they should not have to do all of the things adults do when they are not yet adults! Kids should have some responsibilities but they should also be allowed to have fun and play. =) There should definitely be a good balance between the two.
@bounce58 (17458)
• Canada
6 Mar 13
This is a bit of a conflict within me, actually. I too would like to make my children independent. I want them to learn responsibilities so I ask them to do a lot of things. But I also have an overwhelming sense of responsibility as a parent to help them out, and do a lot of things for them. Thus the conflict. In the end though, they end up with lots of 'play' time for themselves. Which I guess helps in not-losing their childhood.
• Lenox, Georgia
8 Mar 13
I think it is a good idea for them to have a balance of both. My kids have chores and things they have to do but they also get to play too! =) As long as they have both I think they will turn out well. My kids definitely play more than they clean though, I want it that way. They still have to help out but I know their childhood will only last so long...
@cvodrey (227)
• United States
5 Mar 13
How young is young? Kids should enjoy childhood, but part of childhood is learning how to become an adult. It is the parent's responsibility to prepare a child for adulthood. Yes, this comes at it's own pace, and I question those who put large responsibilities on 6-year-olds, but around 8, 9, or 10 (depending on the child), small responsibilities are good to learn, and they grow with age. If we let our kids stay kids forever, they'd never learn how to think and care for themselves.
• Lenox, Georgia
7 Mar 13
Yes I think there should be a balance. I did not say kids should do nothing at all. I said kids should have some chores but they should also be able to be kids and have fun as well. There needs to be a balance... Just like with everything else in life, balance is good.
@ET28LV (1895)
• Latvia
5 Mar 13
When kids are little they want to grow up fast they don't understand how nice benefits they have as kids. Everyone like that kids are responsibility, but not enough, because parents want to care about them too, example when they do something wrong. But, nowadays parents impact they children's too much like you mentioned in your discussion. They better should work with themselves not impact their children's.
• Lenox, Georgia
7 Mar 13
Yeah they don't realize how good they have it when they are young. Childhood goes by so fast! I think it is good to have a balance with kids, they should have some chores but they should also be able to play and have fun too.
@natliegleb (5182)
• India
5 Mar 13
dont ever loose it as it is quite needed and order of the day too where you need to wisely spend time cautiously all the way and enjoy to the maximum extent
• Lenox, Georgia
6 Mar 13
I am really not too sure what you are saying here, sorry.
@wolfie34 (26791)
• United Kingdom
5 Mar 13
I guess it depends on the age and maturity of the child, some children grow up quickly and have wise heads on their shoulders at an early age, I think looking back I wasn't given enough responsibility, mind you I had a very poor role model in my father, he was totally useless in my upbringing and I learnt at a very young age to be independent and to make my own entertainment and learnt quickly that anything I wanted I had to get myself.
• Lenox, Georgia
6 Mar 13
Yeah I was referring to little ones. I think there needs to be a balance with kids. They need to be able to play and be kids but they also need some responsibility as well.
• Japan
5 Mar 13
There is some truth in what you say. Children should be able to enjoy their childhood. But as a parent I also know that if you try to give responsibility to your children when they are already teenagers, it may not be so easy. A good balance is called for, as in all things in life.
• Lenox, Georgia
5 Mar 13
I agree with you, there should be a balance. Any extreme is bad. My kids have chores and such but they also get to have fun in their lives. I know once they become adults fun is gone...
• United States
5 Mar 13
I agree and the people who wish they could go back to their childhood days are the one's who had a great childhood. Kids should enjoy their childhood, but unfortunately many do not and that's the sad part. I've heard horror stories and it makes me feel bad for them. I think independence should be started early.....like learning to play by themselves sometimes.
• Lenox, Georgia
5 Mar 13
Yeah, I think chores and such are needed but kids should not have to do everything in the house either... I think there should be a good balance. Kids should be able to be kids and have fun but also have chores and learn how to do things. I hate my adulthood and if my kids feel the same way I want them to at least have a good childhood while they can.
@bretay61 (723)
• United States
5 Mar 13
kids are way older than they should be now..i agree there is nothing wrong with letting them be kids for awhile longer..they grow up soon enough..that's whats wrong with a lot of kids today.they are not allowed to be kids anymore,too much responsibility and there is nothing wrong with responsibility.but parents go way overboard with it now.they are expecting too much out of kids.
• Lenox, Georgia
5 Mar 13
Yes kids are much too old now a days for their ages! I don't mind kids having some chores to do but not everything in the house either. There should always be a balance with kids...