I really want to say this to someone, but I can't..:((

@humairaku (2038)
Indonesia
March 8, 2013 10:21am CST
Hi.. I know that you don't like me. I don't say that you hate me. No. But I'm sure you don't like me. You don't like everything I do, or everything I say, cos for you, I'm nothing. I know that you want me to do exactly like what you want, what you say. I should become everything you want. But I'm so sorry cos I can't be like what you want. I have my own principal, I have my own thoughts that I'm sure you won't understand. Yup, I admit that you had given me much, and I will keep your kindness deep in my heart and I promise won't forget it. but don't you understand that every person have their own right to decide what they want, what they dream of? I know that you don't like me, but what can I do? what can I say? Hating you? Impossible. Leaving you? No. It wont make everything better. All I can do is acting like nothing bad happened in my heart to keep everything run well, to keep everything OK cos that is my job, my obligation. I will keep staying here though you, sometimes, you treat me so unfair. I will stay here, keep smiling and wont stop pretending everything is just fine. I don't care of my own heart, my own feeling cos for you my feeling is nothing. I know that you don't like me, but I don't hope you to love me. What I hope so much is please respect me, co I know that you need me in your life. Maybe I'm nothing but I'm sure, you will falling without me. So I will keep staying here, to support you, to accompany you, though, maybe, you never mean everything I have done for you. Love, Me
1 person likes this
12 responses
@MissPiggy (1748)
• Indonesia
8 Mar 13
Be who you are. Your mother-in-law must understand you too. It's her, right?
1 person likes this
@humairaku (2038)
• Indonesia
8 Mar 13
i wont answer..who are you to know everything about my life..??? #angry face.. #lol face..
1 person likes this
@humairaku (2038)
• Indonesia
8 Mar 13
i wont comment. the more i speak, the more people here know to whom i wrote this letter. so i wont comment... whatttt..???!!! i do COMMENT..--"
1 person likes this
@MissPiggy (1748)
• Indonesia
8 Mar 13
I'm an angel in disguise...
1 person likes this
• South Korea
8 Mar 13
I am so sorry sender that you feel this way. I know its none of my business to know who do you want to say these. but if it is a family member I really think that you should let him/her know how you feel. I know it is not easy to do. Perhaps maybe leave a letter and don't go home for a week? well I'm just trying to make you smile. of course there's no need for you to go out because problem will still be there when you comeback. So just go drink a lot and say what you want to say! come on! another joke, (well partially an advice) but seriously just say it, maybe if you will do this when your drunk, he/she will not take it seriously. Sometimes it's not that bad at all to have an argument. at least you could hear both sides.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Mar 13
dear one so you care for this person but if you let him know others will be hurt? right also If this person is married to someone else you should give this up and find someone who is single and will love you for yourself..
@humairaku (2038)
• Indonesia
8 Mar 13
thanks for cheering me up, dear friend. and yeah your jokes are very funny. they can make smile even when i am very very sad..:) i know i should tell what i feel but i cant. many people will be hurt if i dare to tell about my feeling to h**. i have kept this feeling for a long time and i can stand still. but yeah of course it's hurt. everytime this person treats me unfair, i feel so hurt. but shutting my mouth is my obligation. accepting everything this person did to me is my sacrifice for everyone i love. im sure this will end someday so what i need to do is only waiting for the day coming. but dobt think it will end in two or three years, no. maybe it needs more than five years to make everythong better. or maybe it wont end at all. i surrender all to God...
1 person likes this
• South Korea
9 Mar 13
well I really hope this person is not married to someone else, but I also believe that there's always a perfect timing for everything and its very important for you not to miss it! or to be aware when to actually strike. All I can say is love and respect yourself,Know your rights!
@ginnimia (145)
• India
8 Mar 13
you should not hide your feeling and words for someone may be that will keep on pinching inside so its good to share your feelings for someone may be that understand you and support you for lifetime
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Mar 13
hi well do let us know how thnikngs turn out for you as your discussion left me in tears and in awe thinking of how good a writer you are. I feel you do sell yourself short but I know I do not know all of your problem and do not want anything unpleasant to happen to you.Just know that we mylotters are here tollisten at least and to be supportive if we can.
@humairaku (2038)
• Indonesia
8 Mar 13
yup..i really wanna do that. sharing. but i cant to be that obvious to tell this matter to other people cos if the person i talked about knows what i say abot h** to other, this person will be mad. and my world perhaps will be falling down. so, no..i wont tell about this to people around me. but i share this to people here. i know all people here will support me, like you. and for this time it's enough for me..
1 person likes this
@humairaku (2038)
• Indonesia
17 Mar 13
thanks for your support hatley..you wrote many posts in my discussion, it showed that you seem so care of my feeling, i really appreciate it. i know i can share everything here and i know that i will get support from kinds people like you. maybe your support wont fix my problem with h**, but it really helps me to pass my hardest days not only today but years again. and i will remember this place every time i have bad days in my life, i will remember this place and of course i will remember kind people like you..
• Valdosta, Georgia
8 Mar 13
I have wanted to say the same type of things to someone I care about a lot but I never had the courage to say it to their face. So instead I wrote a letter to them. I am glad I did. It has made things a lot better for our relationship! Now they know how I feel, they have changed for the better and I got things off my chest. I am not saying you have to or should tell the person, all I am saying is think about what is best for YOU no one else. Holding all of this in and not telling the person could give you unwanted stress. I hope everything works out for you. =)
1 person likes this
@humairaku (2038)
• Indonesia
17 Mar 13
first of all, thanks for your response, dear friend. i know i am not a brave person like I actually wanna hope to be. I know i hold this hurt feeling too long, it will affect not only my mind but also my health in general. but, o gosh, this problem is a kind of problem i can discuss with any people and then by saying all my feeling to h** will make everything OK. it is complicated and i don't how to start to fix it. i almost give up. all i do now is i lead my life just like the water flows. i follow wherever the stream brings me. i less hope and i'm so passive. but i keep praying to God and hope God will give me a door as a way out. when I can count on something on human, i always turn to God..
• Sweden
8 Mar 13
Well, what are you waiting for? Go ahead and just do it. Opportunities appear before our very own eyes and we let it slip. But if you let it slip, it might be your last coming chance to say that. When you have that chance go for it and say it. Waiting won't do any good (well in some cases yea), to wait for another chance is a mistake, because it's a opportunity for you and you should never miss it.
@humairaku (2038)
• Indonesia
8 Mar 13
mm..in my case, perhaps, it's not about opportunity but bravery. i have opportunity everyday to tell this to h**, but i wont. all i need is bravery but i never have. maybe five ir ten years later, i will have courage to dare to say this to h**..today, what can i do is just enjoying this pain..not always but often..
@humairaku (2038)
• Indonesia
9 Mar 13
thanks for your support, dear friend. maybe for another people i can do everything you said but not for this person cos if i tell h** about my feeling, this person will be hurt and i will be the one who ruins everything cos once i hurt h**, i hurt not only h** but also whole family. so i choose to be hurt, not hurt h**. our relation is ups and downs, but ignorance happens almost everyday. i can stand till today and i hope God give me strength to stand till the end..amin..
• Sweden
8 Mar 13
You should never ever enjoy the pain you hold. Bravery is indeed, we can say a tuff thing for some people. Image the bravery as something as oportunity (I know it's different..) you make a move, you save something or you make it better. five or ten years is very long time and I personally don't like anyone to suffer for such a long time. I don't know about that person you want to confess, but that person might be gone anytime ( I might be wrong here since I don't know few details). It might not seem as easy as you think or it might be easier as you think to make that move. If you will say it, yep congratulation, you did it and you will know that you are brave and that you could do anything if you try hard and never give up! Waiting won't do any good by my opinion since we make the decidions and moves and if we don't choose the better ways, why keep staying on the worse path?
@mariaperalta (19073)
• Mexico
9 Mar 13
hate to hear you feel that way... You need to learn to speak your mind.. get it off your chest.
@humairaku (2038)
• Indonesia
22 Mar 13
you're lucky cos you finally had courage to speak your mind. not like me. i know that life is about ups and downs, so is my life. sometimes this person treats me well like h** own family member but sometimes this person treats me very bad as if im h** servant. but in general this person doesnt like me like other people in my family. i can understand why this person treats me differently but sometimes being treated differently is very painful..
@humairaku (2038)
• Indonesia
21 Mar 13
thanks for your support Maria.. i was trained to be silent since i came to this family. i should obey the rules and being someone else. it was hard in the beginning, but i try to enjoy myself. i try to find my own happiness outside from this house. but i don't have courage to leave this house. it doesn't mean i don't have bravery but leaving this house means hurting many people. it is difficult for me how to say this. i just pray to God to give me strength more and more to face all of this..
• Mexico
21 Mar 13
I was the same way. My mom never spoke her mind at all. But after being walked on all the time. I decided to speak my mind.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Mar 13
hi jumaiaku I read this then reread it and want to cry to hug you to tell you that whoever you are talking to is not worth one of your smiles let alone all the hurt you suffer from this situation. I will say as an elderly lady tell this person what you have written here as he would have to have a heart of stone not to want to apologize to you and try to make you happier. this sounds like a pleas to be understood and to be loved and do let him read this really as its very touching. Yuoj are ver talented in writing.
@humairaku (2038)
• Indonesia
17 Mar 13
i cried myself when writing this letter....thanks for your attention, it means so much much for me. i was so relieved cos i get many supports here. i know i'm not alone.. though it was painful but it was really relieving after write this letter. i know that person would never be able to read this, it means that this person would also never knows about my feeling, but it was still relieving. writing a never-read letter set me free cos i can say all i wanna say to h** but i never have courage to say this in front of h** face. i do respect h** that is why I fell so sacred. people in my society teach us to respect elder people and it is what i'm doing now. i 'respect' h**, i don't wanna hurt h**, so i should live with h** no matter how hurt it is cos i am criticized very often. almost all i do or say, this person will judge and it hurts. why I still live with h**, it is just because I respect h**. my husband asked me to live with this person, cos this person also asked me so, i said OK just to show I love my husband, just to show how respect I do to h**. i know it is ridiculous for some people, but believe me that in my situation, it is very complicated. of course I hope there will be a way out someday, but now, all i can do is only praying and doing better days by days. wish me luck, will you..???
@leateagee (3667)
• China
9 Mar 13
I don't know about you but if I were you I will say it. If he won't listen I will write it, send thru email until I get his attention and we talk about this matter. From what I've read about your feelings, I would say you're acting like a martyr. In a realtionship BOTH parties should be help responsible to each other's feelings and welfare. I wouldn't say you are s*****, I would way you are "in love". When the time comes that you've finally fallen out of that love spell, you'll say s***** to yourself. Love is blind and endures all pains. I hope you'll love yourself too because right now I don't think you're thinking about yourself too.
@leateagee (3667)
• China
3 Apr 13
. I will pray for you.
@humairaku (2038)
• Indonesia
31 Mar 13
i'm sorry darling if you think that my problem is about my problem with my spouse, no at all. it is not about my relation with someone I like but i don't have courage to tell him that I love him. no, it is not something like that. but though it is not about romantic relation, it affects my whole life cos I have contact with this person everyday. so it is as important as my relation with my spouse. thank God my relation with my spouse is good, so I don't have double problems in my life which i should face everyday. LOL. juts wish me luck God will always give me strength to face this problem till someday i will be free from this person's influence..
@ifa225 (14364)
• Indonesia
8 Mar 13
is that a letter? I guess you should send it to anyone you intend to you will see the answer of your letter soon than keeping the letter as a secret no matter the answer, I bet it will release you
@humairaku (2038)
• Indonesia
17 Mar 13
yup, it is a letter.. i call it 'never-read' letter. i mean we wrote letter for someone right and we wish she/he will read our letter. but it is not like my letter. ya, i wrote it and i dedicated to to someone but i don't wanna h** read my letter. that is why I call it 'never-read' letter.. this problem is really like burden in my chest. but i feel so relieved after I wrote this letter though i know that person will read this. it is because many people here give their best support to me, include you Ifa. it makes me stading stronger that before. reading all of responses here gives me fresh air so i can breath again. my sentences are too much, aren't they? ..all i want to say that i really thank to people here who have given me their support so i cna pass this problem stronger. i know my problem wouldn't fix just because of i wrote here but at least, knowing others support me is enough for me. thanks Ifa. PS. I would never send this letter to h**..it is impossible, but don't ask me why..i hope you can understand..once again thank you for your kindness..
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
10 Mar 13
I don't know that I would go into it quite as deeply as you've done here, but I think that if you have feelings like this about another person, that you should let them know that you know that they don't like you. You never know, it might be something that will make the relationship you have with that other person change. The reason that I say that is because I've confronted a person that didn't like me for no reason before and though I won't say that we are really good friends now, our relationship is better now that I let her know that I knew that she didn't think a lot about me.
@humairaku (2038)
• Indonesia
1 Apr 13
thanks for sharing your experience dora..:) i think this person doesnt like me without any reasons. i came to this person place when i have already an adult. everyone of us have big difference in dealing with something or in our vision on anything in general. this person is quite old at h** age and has strong role in my life so if this person doent like me it seems that it's ok for everyone. i can do nothing dealing with h** cos pleasing h** is my job. of course i can leave this person actually but it will cause many problems in my life. i have told my problem to some of my friends and relatives. most of them said that i must be patidnt. and being patient is all i can do now and then. till when, only God knows the answer..
@natliegleb (5175)
• India
8 Mar 13
go for it ,never ever hold back and its high time you express your intent to all and make sure your dream is felt of all the time
@humairaku (2038)
• Indonesia
8 Mar 13
i have been having this feeling for years. it's not matter at all to feel this pain for years again. call me stupid, friend, i can take it. but i wont ever say this to h**..:'(
@yinxiu55 (17)
9 Mar 13
Well,if you want to say this words,just say it to him.He doesn't know what you think if you don't say.emotion communication is important between two persons that especilly when misunderstand appeared.Do you think so? How do you know that he doesn't like you?Guess?
@humairaku (2038)
• Indonesia
9 Mar 13
just for your information that tis letter is not for my spouse but for someone else who is near with me but this person seems not to care of me. this person is only kind to me if this person needs my help. but when it is in a normal condition, this person tends to ignore me. it hurts me cos im close with this person. being close just to be ignored, but this person forbids me to leave h**. im so sorry i cant tell you who the person is. i need to share my feeling but i wont reveal my problem. im so sorry..:(