have you talked behind a friend's back?

@cherigucchi (14885)
Philippines
March 12, 2013 1:34am CST
I have friends at work whom I though was very close to me and I considered close to a sister. I have been a team leader in our level and I did most of the works some of them are supposed to do. And because they are my friends and to speed up the progress of the team's work, I do always cover for them. Until I realized that they were talking behind my back telling others that I was just using them to get ahead for my promotion. I was really devastated because I felt betrayed. I did confront them but neither they admitted or denied it. From then on, I stayed away from them and just did the work because its my duties. For them, I just let them suffer the consequences of not helping them anymore nor covering for them.
29 responses
@artemeis (4194)
• China
14 Mar 13
In the first place, I hope that you do not expect your colleagues to be your real friends before they have proven their worth. This incident in your office just prove this point, we should never take for granted and have expectations from the people we helped, including our colleagues. I don't know what exactly happened to you but don't react to what you hear. There will be people who will just spread lies to create dissent and disruptions within the ranks or departments. You need to be alert and thorough to recognize the game here. In the meantime, don't stop doing what you like and enjoy doing, in other words being what you are. At the same time, recognize and know when to say stop and let go, because no matter how slow or unskilled your colleagues need to do it on their own to earn their place in the office. Besides, you need to have your own space time to prove your efficiency otherwise your boss will be asking the question why you are ever so bogged with work. Remember no one can be a true friend until they've gone through a baptism of fire together with you.
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
16 Mar 13
Hi artemeis! This is a very good advice. You are perfectly right and I see your point very clearly. That particular incident had taught me a lot of things already and being alert is one of them. I also learn not to react anymore because it only cause a lot of more complications. It is really difficult to work with people who have a close mind after all.
@redredrose (1105)
• United States
16 Mar 13
I would never be friends with anyone i found out was talking about me behind my back. Also anyone that talked about me behind my back is not a true friend because a true friend wouldn't do that. I'm sorry they did it and hope you find new and better friends than they were cause they weren't really friend since friends don't do that to you. Just do your work and the best job at work you can do and don't talk to them or hang with them anymore. You are better than that and don't need them.
• United States
16 Mar 13
Also i try to never talk about a person behind their back because it is gossip and i hate when people do that to me. A true friend will say whatever they need to to your face and usually they try not to say bad things.
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
16 Mar 13
This incident taught me a great deal of lesson. It is true that you cannot tell your true friends unless they show you their true colors. And in this situation I have leaned more than that.
• Indonesia
13 Mar 13
I never talked behind my friend's back. It does not matter what they do or what they think abut me but I willl never talked behind their back. I just don't like something like that. Once 2 of my best friends provoke by another friend that one of them talked behind other's back. I cover them after I found the truth about the provoke, after that both of my friend are best friend again. If there is something I dont like I will tell direct to my friend, will never let them know it from other's mouth.
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
14 Mar 13
This is only proves how good you are as a person, many people forget that because they usually enjoy doing that to cover their own imperfections.
@blackrusty (3519)
• Mexico
12 Mar 13
I have never talked about any one behind their back it is disrespectfil
• Mexico
13 Mar 13
I was always brought up give respect you will get respect
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
13 Mar 13
Hello there, blackrusty! I hope that there are more people like you in this world who truly knows the maning of the word respect.
• United States
12 Mar 13
Its so sad that people pay good deeds with bad but its the kind of world we live in. Continue with that which pleases your mind and which is morally acceptable. Do not please others to displease yourself.
• Penrith, Australia
13 Mar 13
Thats right there is no good reason for you to compromise your happiness just because these people are backstabbing you. You have a life to live and sorry for them because if they're not going to change, they will all wallow up in their insecurities while you on the other hnd are getting more successful than them.
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
13 Mar 13
Thanks for these words of encouragement. Reading something like this made me more realize that I just did the right thing.
• China
12 Mar 13
This thing happens often.But you should have correct attitude and adjust yourself.Some people who talk behind your back are just jealous,they envy you.They lost a good friend, not you lost.So face them and deal with this thing bravely.You can make them shut up.If they don't,they are destined to be hypocrites.Believe Yourself!
• Penrith, Australia
13 Mar 13
Thats right! Change your perspectives Hun, they need you to fuel their insecurities, you don't need them.
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
13 Mar 13
Yeah, right. Just like I have said I do not need people like them in my life.
@mods196621 (3652)
• Philippines
12 Mar 13
No. As much as possible don't talk about others lives because I hate them talking back behind me. Just being follow the golden rule. 'Don't do to others what you don't want them do to you.' and at the same time thet know me well. I am a reserve person and silent type. I will talk if I need too. And sometimes I go with them to have a siesta time as woman.. :)
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
13 Mar 13
However there are just people like them who do not understand any word of that golden rule.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
13 Mar 13
There really is not use in keeping fake friends. Probably they are just sourgraping coz they know that you really know what you are doing and that the work that you do is something that the management would surely credit.
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
13 Mar 13
I agree with you jenny. These are miserable people who are just gravitating their miseries to others and I am not into them at all.
@Mintlin (322)
• China
13 Mar 13
I was in the same dilemma before,i thought they were my good co-workers,but it turned that they speak a lot of evil behind me,actually i treated them very nice. same as you,i step far away from then ,and i left that company at the end.I dislike that kind of working enviroment.
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
16 Mar 13
Things like that happen in all work place and it is really hard to work with people like that. It becomes survival of the fittest but as much as possible I do not mingle with those kind of people anymore. anyway it is not my loss, it is theirs.
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
12 Mar 13
They've lost a good friend in you. I hope they realized that. Sometimes being too nice, friendly and supportive to friends can make them abuse you. It's a good thing that you've finally realized what they're doing behind your back. Now you be careful selecting real friends. At work, it is really hard to distinguished real friends from just colleagues who don't care.
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
12 Mar 13
YOU BET! Thanks for that, sis. I have good friends too who are more worth keeping than them I guess it really takes time to know true friends though we learn it the hard way in some case.
@missjahn (4574)
• Philippines
12 Mar 13
ay! those are the works of envious people and they are not a good company to be with. they do not know how to appreciate someone's perseverance and hard works. what is good to do is that be friend with them still but do not get close with them anymore. just do not mingle with them affectionately. the best thing to do is to act like a casual friends and not so closely. these kind of people are just good in your front and made you the center of the topic when you turn your back from them. not good! you work hard for the group and even protect them or cover but they do not know how to appreciate. so, be careful whom to choose as your friend ")
• Penrith, Australia
13 Mar 13
Thats right, they are usually just jealous fools who have nothing better to do with their live s than to put other people down because they feel so insecure about themselves and what they have already achieved.its a sad reality
@Raine38 (12258)
• United States
12 Mar 13
Sorry to hear that, but that is nothing new. Whether you do good or bad, people will always have something toad yay about you. Either out of envy or jealousy or plain entertainment, they will never cease talking about you, if not them, other people. Why? It's just how it is, wherever you go, there will always be people who will judge you first then get to know you later. If you a going to kowtow to them and whatever it is that they will say, they wouldn't be happy anyway. They will still find something to say about you. Anyway, you don't deserve those people. It's good that you learned what they do behind your back. I'm sure that they will soon realize that their doings will never do them any good. Let them and their envy eat them up.
• Penrith, Australia
13 Mar 13
Thats very right these people will never go away as they are a part if life and a part of success. Apparently, the more successful you become, the more people will hate you, you can't let them affect you, there are far batter things you can put your attention on than them, the more you let them affect you, the happier they will be, you can't please everyone becaus even you do, you please no one.
@kokomo (1867)
• Philippines
13 Mar 13
Well, you just did the right thing. I guess I can relate with your story. I have this friend of mine as well as she is my office mate and our friendship was being affected due to our work. Sometimes, even in working hour, she do something else like surfing the net, that is not work related and it annoys me and she is doing it while we have a huge work load. Of course with my part, it is unfair and so I really show her that I feel annoyed.
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
16 Mar 13
Good thing for me that i do not see them everyday. I have my own place, my own office and I guess that's one thing that cause them to be drowned with envy.
@argie28 (10)
• Philippines
12 Mar 13
For me they're not true friend at all........ sometimes in our lives we've chosen wrong friends...... just move on.....it's a good thing you chose to stay away from them.....
• Penrith, Australia
13 Mar 13
Thats very true, sometimes you just have to cut connections with I'll people and make some room for better people in your life,
@ifa225 (14364)
• Indonesia
12 Mar 13
I have a kind of friend like that too, I had fight for him, cover him but what he did was telling about my bad to other friends so that is it... I am quit to fight for him anymore
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
12 Mar 13
there are really things we can tolerate about our friends and there are those which we just cannot. Situations like those tell us to keep our eyes wide open and watch our own backs.
@machatago (385)
• Philippines
12 Mar 13
That is so sad, I think they don't realize that you were just helping them all along and talking behind your back is really hurtful. I'm glad you did confront them, at least they will be thinking now that they hurt your feelings. I hate it when that happens since I've also been in that situation before. And like you I just stayed away from them. In the end they will see their mistakes.
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
12 Mar 13
I have made peace with them just a month ago but I keep my distance. Lessons are needed to be learned at this point.
@sriroshan (2585)
• India
12 Mar 13
I don't think anybody will say "NO" to this and if they say so then they are lying. Sometime but not always we all tend to talk either good or bad about the friend behind them. It is but natural and it is human tendency to criticize someone behind them.
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
12 Mar 13
This is a good point. We are all quite guilty here. However it depends on the situation because there are some cases that talking too much evil about others co have some repercussions. If it is just a simple talk between friends who just share views about how they look at persons, I think there is nothing wrong with that. What only makes it wrong is when those people you talked to made it look like a gossip, if you get what I mean.
@Angelpink (4035)
• Philippines
12 Mar 13
Hi ! Not to be hypocrite but i guess everyone does ! I have talked but just a small thing only , not like that you are already destroying the name and integrity of a person. I have never done that also , mine is but a girl thing , comments and feedbacks i gave but appear like talking at back because person involved not with us. Just a little piece of advise , i guess no person is worth trusting ! All have betraying nature . I have experienced it , some are just good in our front because they are getting something but if none there getting then you're not that good, So better be alone and work and work.
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
12 Mar 13
That is exactly my point. All of us have something to say about others yet if you did this with a betraying nature, thats another story.
@gkutti (111)
12 Mar 13
hey there cherigucchi, it really happens many times to all of us. but what your doing is not good, here is an idea, you keep doing the things you did earlier. let them know that you are the good out of the group good guy. make them feel bad for the thing they did it to you, make them come to you to say sorry.let them know that you know the talk going on around you, but still you do not sezie to help them out. be the team leader now. what do you say?
• United States
12 Mar 13
I know how you feel. Been in that situation. And I have to say its really not a good feeling. I guess there is always people like that who just wants to bring you down. Just dont mind them and do what is right. If they are really true friends they wont talk behind your back. They are not worthit to keep.
@cherigucchi (14885)
• Philippines
12 Mar 13
You are correct. they ain't worth my time.