the eye o f the beholder?
@Hatley (163781)
Garden Grove, California
March 13, 2013 4:02pm CST
I started to make a discussion about how wrong it is to m ake people wait like here in Gold Crest then I got to thinking in the the scheme of things is it so bad to have to wait a few minutes? I mean sure we all are still half asleep. In the morning,its cold and dark out yet and oh the idea of coffee is utmost on our minds.
But compared to other places where our amenities would look like luxuries to them really are we so bad off? We will get our hot coffee in twenty minutes or so .The hard working kitchen staff is mostly the same care givers who have to run errands and clean our rooms and do all the hundred various jobs assigned to them.S o really are we hurting that much that a few more minutes will not kill us?I read an article sent to me called the Burned Biscuit and it made me stop and think.
The core of the story was that the writer's mom was a hardworking housewife and her dad was a warm hearted man.She was a kid in the story and wondered why her dad always told mom that the burned biscuit was fine.He explained that he knew his wife was hard working and she was really a perfectionist so if she burned a biscuit it meant she was just really too tired. So he taught the writer to have compassion on others and not mind an occasional burned biscuit.So cannot we all learn to wait for a few minutes?,
12 people like this
30 responses
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
14 Mar 13
What do they say about patience being a virtue, it's like my father who expects things to be done at his command, and I am thinking, why don't you go and do it yourself your lazy whatnot, if you want something that badly why don't you get off your fat axx and get it, rather than expect others to run around after you. Sometimes I think my mum is more of a mother to him than a wife. Some people just take others for granted and expect them to be at their beck and call and if they don't get what they want immediately they cause a fuss.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Mar 13
hi wolfie my dad was exactly the same way and woe be if he did not get that coffee? how dare mom get sick? How dark I get sick? he
would bellow" wheres my coffee?" It never dawned on him he could actually get up and get it for himself, not once did he ever think that lol.I was thinking about how we have to wait til it dawned on me just what our care takers go through every early dark cold morning to come here and make that coffee.then they come around and say good morning as they pour the coffee and give us a smile.
So I lkearned to be a little more patient.
1 person likes this
@namiya (1713)
• Philippines
14 Mar 13
hi hatley. I could be patient if the cause of delay is unintentional and reasonable like in the case of your coffee. But if someone who have or whom I had an appointment had made me wait for a considerable time not only once but more than a couple of times then this is where my patient would run out and I'll let her have a taste of what he/she is doing or if there is no necessity won't avoid being involve with him/her next time.
3 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Mar 13
hi namiya there's a real big difference between our wait here and that of a person whose friend promised to be there at nine and you find yourself fuming as its gets to be close to ten am and the friend has not appeared yet. This is when I would leave and let the friend realize he or she made a kmistake not meeting me at the correct time.
Here its jujst a few minutes delay
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
17 Mar 13
hi namiya I have some friend on the staff who always leave me a big mug for coffee so my wait for that hot steaming coffee is a lovely one.
@GardenGerty (157551)
• United States
13 Mar 13
We have all gotten so used to things being ready immediately that sometimes we forget that some things take time and patience. What I like, Hatley, is you are having us all pause for a minute and be appreciative of those around us. None of us are too old to learn, none of us are too old to be patient and compassionate. Hot coffee, quickly would be nice, but I imagine the care providers appreciate a patient and kind attitude from those they are serving.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Mar 13
hi GardenGerty lovely response, Yes I get a second cup of coffee hot every morning without asking for it as Aidia likes me for always thanking her.It' s just a little thing but it means a lot for someone who works hard all day everyday that a few of us appreciate what they do.She always says good moring Patsie and I always say Good Morning back.Steve says" why do you do that, we pay for them to wait on us?"He does not understand me at all so how do I explain that to him. Its just human kindness thats all.I realized we are all so used to every thing being instant. So waiting becomes a drag. B ut I got to thinking why should it be? why not appreciate all hat others do for us.
4 people like this
@GardenGerty (157551)
• United States
13 Mar 13
It is all about relationships. It is more than a paid helper, it is someone who chooses to be there being your paid helper. No amount of pay in the world would make helping someone worth while if they were cross and made my life a pain.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Mar 13
oj you are so right its much more. She comes into my room in the afternoon on check rounds and c alls out patsie patsie everything alright and I will almost always say everything's fine here far as I know.She will laugh and leave.She likes me in her own way and I get a large charge out of it too. I can imagine helping someone who whines and crabs all the time that would just drive a person nuts.
I specialed a Jewish lady who complained the solid eight hours I specialed her about every thing so I guess she slept in the daytime. Her daughter finally got tired of the extra expense and let me go.Much to my relief. That was just so irritating to try to stay awake and be sympathetic to her constant whining about everything nd anything.She was very wealth and really the only reason she was not home was that she had problems with her blood glucose and they were keeping a check on that all the time.I blame the hospital for some of that as she could have been cared for at home a lot cheaper.
3 people like this
@lkbooi (16070)
• Malaysia
14 Mar 13
Hi Hatley, if the beholder is clinging on to what he has seen for that moment. Like seeing the burned biscuit. It doesn't mean that she always baked the biscuit burned. Most probably it's once in a blue moon on account of too tired, what is mentioned above, or down in spirit, or feeling unwell, etc. There must be reason for a hardworking or professional person go awry occasionally due to certain reason. To be a considerate person we should learn from the writer's dad to have compassion on others and not mind on an occasional fault that is unwitting we have seen. We have to be patient when waiting, like waiting for dishes or drinks to be served. Waiting for someone to fetch us, waiting for the discussion writer to comment back our post.....
Take care and Happy posting 
Take care and Happy posting 3 people like this
@lkbooi (16070)
• Malaysia
15 Mar 13
Yeah, first come first serve How can and we should be served first if others come earlier. Further more food and drink need time to be prepared. Even fast food should take lots of time to prepared before the outlet open to business. It's true that people working in the kitchen get up early and spend lots of time to ready the food. We should think much of them 
but not self seeking solely 
How can and we should be served first if others come earlier. Further more food and drink need time to be prepared. Even fast food should take lots of time to prepared before the outlet open to business. It's true that people working in the kitchen get up early and spend lots of time to ready the food. We should think much of them but not self seeking solely 2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Mar 13
hi lkbooyes we do need to remember that it takes times to get dressed, drive here and make that coffee so we can have that nice hot cup of coffee. WE get so used to instant this and that , that we forget these are fellow humans who get up earlier than us, drive in the cold darkness, just to come here and prepare that nice hot cup of coffee. Nor do we realize that they are quickly making the rest of the breakfasts while we are sipping that first cup of coffee. So maybe we need to be patient a bit longer.a
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
14 Mar 13
A few minutes I would not mind because it is just me and I have nothing else to go to unless I decide to. It is the ones who have to be home or have to be at work or have an appointment at a certain time and if they are like me, they have planned that perhaps they can have ten minutes for a cup of coffee because they include the waiting in line and the sitting down with the cup as well as going to the car, etc.
However when we say that other people do not have it that good like in Asia and Africa, we run into the risk of thinking that they are morally better then us just as you may think the hard working staff are morally better because they work so hard.
Everyone does get tired and people do have compassion but it should be that way because it is natural for Christians to be that way and not because of the other person who is badly off. I learned most of my compassion by reading the Bible and seeing what the men of God did as well as what Jesus showed compassion, but then HE is the Son of GOD and not a mere man.
3 people like this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
15 Mar 13
I do not like the idea of we having to feel guilty because we have so much but sometimes we are told to think that when when someone talks about those who have little. We should be thankful but not grateful in that we do not deserve it. I do think that the staff should be given a bit more leeway and maybe there should be more hired to take the load.
I do also think that many people care more about those in other third world countries rather then what is in our neighborhood. We have to look after our own first. The trouble is that many think that we have to sacrifice those in need here for those in need someplace else and I do not like that.
3 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
17 Mar 13
hi suspenseful you are so ri ght when I am barrageed to give money for a child in some foreign county I feel hey just a minute if I am going to give my money its going to some poo person right here in my own town not in some other country. I do not give very often as I have very little money to spare. here in Gold Crest I feel that the three owners expect way too much from the caregivers who have 114 people to care for. They do need more staff and they could do it if they were not so greedy.
to care for. They do need more staff and they could do it if they were not so greedy.1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Mar 13
hi susepenseful I did not think in terms of morally better at all, just in terms of human beings and I think since we residents really have nothing better to do as we have to have our breakfasts we can surely be more patient to let the caregivers have a little leeway before fuming over waiting.after all they are human too and they have had to get up even earlier and come in to work to make that coffee.Don't put words in my mouth as when I say to have it better, look right here in the U S are a lot of people going hungry and children being hungry so we need not pontificate about Africa or Asia. we Americans refuse to believe in our country there are a lot of people who do not have it as good and we should be really grateful for what we have.Also we should be doing something about hunger in o our own country.
1 person likes this
@julyteen (13252)
• Davao, Philippines
14 Mar 13
I don't have patience, I don't want to wait. In the story you shared I think everybody should learn how to wait.
They said "Patience is a Virtue"
Sometimes we didn't think how hard the work of every person and we think all of them are easy to do.
@julyteen (13252)
• Davao, Philippines
15 Mar 13
Yes granny, I believe on that saying and I want it to apply myself. Sometimes we should understand other feelings and situations.
Imagine, caregiver will do 114 coffee for all of you. Even robot cannot make that figure in 1 minute. We should learn to wait until all works been finished.
Better if the ratio is 1:1 but if the ratio is 20:1, still need to wait some minutes before you request been granted
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
17 Mar 13
thats oit july teen they excpect an awful lot out of these caregivers and there are only three or four for the whole number of us so thats a lot of people to have to wait on..
n..@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Mar 13
hi julyteen I am the same, the moment I sit down I am wanting that coffee so was all set to write about how awful it is to have to wait for that c up of coffee when I got to thinking what it was like to be a care giver.
They had to get up even earlier yhet and the morningt were cold and really dark,, then dress and drive here, and probably feeling really sleepy they had to get the makings out to make that coffee for 114 people who were all already getting impatient. That could not have been any fun for sure. So I changed what I was writing about. Patience is indeed reallyh a virtue as we must remember the care givers are just as human as we and how much effort they put forward every morning.
t forward every morning.
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
13 Mar 13
Hi Sweetie
I have always been quite a patient Person so to me that is a normal thing but I have known a lot of People that are not so patient and no it is not so bad having to wait a few Minutes for a coffee or something like that, the Person who is making it and serving it is only human like us
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Mar 13
hi gabs oh so lovely to hear from, you and hows my pal Giksi doing? yes I have patience as I can imagine the care givers getting up in the dark and cold to drive here to make coffee and prepare breakfast and some have families and children too.So many people here never remember that at all.
and children too.So many people here never remember that at all.3 people like this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
14 Mar 13
what a cool little story, Hatley and oh so true. All to often we feel that we need to be in a hurry and really when you stop and think a moment on it...why?? Where do we have to go and what do we have to do that can't wait a moment or two? I catch myself getting all antsy if I am running a bit behind on my way to work. I actually talk myself down from it. If I get too worked up, I'm liable to cause an accident and then I would be really late. At the very least, I may be a minute or two late and what is the very worst outcome of that considering that in 20 yrs I have only been late a couple of times. We all need to just slow down and enjoy life while we have it.
3 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Mar 13
hi sid ohhow true it is when you start a bit late then I get all antsy like this nmorning either the care taked did not call us at six or I did noi hear as I have a bad cold and my ears are not hearing all that well, I wokie at six forty two and was panicky and everything I did was messing up but finally I made myself calm down and was dressed and headed down for breakfast at straight up seven am.The way I started I could have really been late so l had to calm myself down tell myself so I am five minutes late or ten so what nobody is going to say anything. calm down. So I realized how much we are uptight about time and cannot relax and just be ourselves.
. @carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
13 Mar 13
You know, I try explaining to my husband that when I am bogged down in schoolwork, my limits cooking skills go out the window. I have burned mushrooms and made awful sloppy joes...
Of course there is always someone who waits longer or doesn't have to wait as long than others. This is similar to a saying I think on when things are going bad, "there is someone in the world who has it worse than I do"
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
13 Mar 13
Unfortunately as slow as I am, it will be year until I get my degree and when that stupid math comes along, it will drag me down worse than this Sociology...
Actually I take that back, IF I get a decent instructor, I should be able to pass, but it will still be hard..
Actually I take that back, IF I get a decent instructor, I should be able to pass, but it will still be hard..3 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Mar 13
hio carm I still have to pinch myhelf that I got b so well with a short math review as I am rotten in higher math. I passed the thing and he said I got a c which they accepted. thank God for that. lol I wish you could get a good sociology teacher as it would really help so much.If its o kay I will send some prayers asking God to help you to really ace all your grades cause I just know you can do it. lol
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Mar 13
hi carm when i was doing schoolwork my husband got jealous once and told me I had no more time for him. I reminded him he was all for my getting my degree and it would just be a few more months and all would be done.That quieted him down.
I do try now to remember others who have it much
worse than we do here at Gold Crest.Its an instant world we live in so we do think hurry up.
think hurry up.3 people like this
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
13 Mar 13
I saw that email too recently and it also gave me food for thought. Yes, we can all wait a few minutes. What is wrong with us? Do you remember how long it took for a kettle to boil on a fire? We are in the Instant age - whereby we expect things instantly and are not prepared to wait. Waiting can be good as we get ideas, can spend a few minutes in prayer and often in silence we find solutions to our problems too. Blessings dear friend
3 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Mar 13
hi cynthiann I was going to make a discussion just opposite but got to thinking why are we so upset over twenty minutes. The coffee will be here and we will be here. We still live in the US where we are free and not someWhere where if we dare disagree we could get shot.
That gave me pause for sure.Too I sometimes get ideas for discussions while I am sitting waiting for my coffee. One might as well use ones mind for something good while waiting.I also often make a prayer too. so the time is used well.
er too. so the time is used well.2 people like this
@bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
13 Mar 13
sent it to cythiann also. Hatley, you are so wise using your time waiting so well. do you wait in the dining room or in your room? must be tough having to go all the way down there to even wait to get awake with coffee see i have it so good compared. you always make me realise that. 
3 people like this
@jaiho2009 (39142)
• Philippines
14 Mar 13
dear Hatley,
I am not patient when it comes to waiting- but that depends on the situation.
Being a mom and working at the same time, every minute counts (nothing to waste)
I agree that we must be considerate with other people around us.
We never knew when the time comes- we also ask them favor to wait for us.
Have a great day ma'm 
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Mar 13
hi jaiho yes most of us are not patient bu t I found myself thinking what it must be like tolbe the caregivers who get up even earlier to dress and drive in the dark cold just to gete there to serve us that first good cu p of hot coffee. That make me pause and decide to be more patient after all and not get crabby about waiting a bit.
a bit.
@changjiangzhibin89 (16534)
• China
14 Mar 13
The writer's Dad was really a considerate man.Far from complaining about the burned biscuit,he associated it with the fact that his wife was too tired.If everyone put themselves in others' shoes,people would live together more harmoniously than they used to.
3 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Mar 13
hi chang yes that story really inspired me in writing this as I knpw
I am guilty too of being impatient and it dawned on me that if I
had to get up early for breakfast at 7 am then the care givers had to get up even earlier, get dressed on cold dark mornings and drive to get here so they could get the coffee perking that we were all waiting for most impatiently. That to me could not have been much fun and if they felt half as sleepy as I felt it would be even harder. Yet they did this day after day and still found the grace to smile and say good morning as they poured that cup of coffee for each of us.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
13 Mar 13
I think it's worse for people who feel they don't have any control over their lives, Hatley. I remember not being able to get my own food. Someone would tell me she would fix my plate and give it to me. I waited for 45 minutes and still my food didn't come. I was wheelchair bound at the time and dependent on others. I hope I never get in that shape again to depend on others, but if I am in that situation I hope I have the grace to accept it.
20 minutes is not long to wait, but when you are hungry or need up to pee 20 minutes can seem like a lifetime, yes?
3 people like this
@GardenGerty (157551)
• United States
13 Mar 13
We can always control our attitude if nothing else. However, it is awful to have to wait and I know I often hate it.
3 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Mar 13
hi Gardengerty thats why I do feel for the blind man as he cannot see what is going on and he is sort of crabby so some of them do goad him a bit. The one lady who seems to get through to him always calls out"
Its not ready yet. soon. then they will bring it. not ready yet." Something in her tone stops him for awhile.She does not sound crabby just authoratative in a nice way.
ay.2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Mar 13
hi pointlessquestions you just made me remember something about the last time I was in the hospital for three days. I had to go so bad and they insisted I had to ring for help as I was marked has balance problem falls easy.
So after about fifteen minute I pushed the b zzer again I
yelled "please I have to pee." oh my one of the med nurses came in and set her tray of meds down and brought the commode over to me and helped me up. I thanked her and was done.. then heres comes the aide.
She bawled me out for being up by myself and I had to explain to her that I got help up. I think all nurses should have to be a patient for a few days to understand when you have to go you really have to go .
I know that we residents do get to feeling we have not much control but one can always control how we look at something and we can all be a little more patient.
And on the other hand too the caregivers need to remember to be patient with us too at times.
3 people like this
@bjc66bjc (6730)
• United States
14 Mar 13
I read that story also about the burnt biscuits..it was a great story
to me it had a great moral meaning to it...
Some times as a matter of fact I think a lot of times we complain
where a moments thought would probably could have said something
else instead of complained...
3 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Mar 13
hi bjc yes that made me stop and think of how it must be to be a caregiver getting up really earl y in the dark and cold leaving ones own family to come there to serve a bunch of residents whom most of them will ask why is the coffee late? I began to think we should be grateful to them, for that nice hot cup of coffee and not complain about waiting at all.WE forget the people who serve us are also fellow hu man beings.
fellow hu man beings. @bunnybon7 (50973)
• Holiday, Florida
13 Mar 13
hey girl, i sent that to you. i thought it was very inspiring. thanks for finding a way to pass the inspiration on to others. im glad it gave you good outlook on things and you are sure right. so many others have to wait for so much that isnt even as good as what we often have here.@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Mar 13
hi bunnybon thanks I was thinking how irritating it is to have to wait then I realized buj what about the people who have to get up get dressed and drive here in the cold dark dawn to make coffee and start breakfast?.That cannot be fun.so then I turned it around as I realized the people who wait on us are humans just like us with families and cares after they get off work.So I used the time to write this discussion in my mind and then type it once I got to my room.yes we Americans here have it pretty darned good even my stubborn table mate Steve admits others are not nearly so well off.
2 people like this
@blue65packer (11826)
• United States
14 Mar 13
People are impatient,don't think,don't care and probaly have never been in the food service for example. Now a days people are so in a hurry they lost their compassion. It comes form all age groups,too! We need to slow down and relax! Then maybe we would give other people breaks.
3 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Mar 13
hi blue65packer yes exactly we are so impatient and I think most could care less about how the people who work in the kitchen get here or do not get here and they plumb forget these are fellow human being who also hate getting up in the cold darkness to get going to come here and brew that coffee for us residents.I was all set to write about having to wait when it dawned on me that the other side of it needed to be shown that of the people who get up even earlier to come and brew that much wanted up of coffee.
le who get up even earlier to come and brew that much wanted up of coffee.
@allknowing (130066)
• India
13 Mar 13
Putting yourself in others' shoes is what is called for. We all tend to be unreasonable and have no patience to understand what the other is going through. We humans have so many traits that need to be got rid of
3 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Mar 13
hbi allknowing that is it as I sat there I began thinking how the
women got up in the dark,, got dressed and drove in the dark and cold to come here to make coffee and start breakfast and most of them have husbands and kids who have to be cared for too.So it cannot be fun getting out in the dark and coming here.so I decided to write this into a discussion instead of making a complaint like the others would. lol.so while I waited I wrote it in m y head. lol Once I got up here to myh room it was not so hard to type it up as I had sort
of prewritten it already.
2 people like this
@inertia4 (27961)
• United States
17 Mar 13
Honestly I don't know if I can wait 20 minutes for a cup of coffee in the morning. I am not a nice person in the morning. I will not speak to anyone and will jump on them if they said something to me, until I had my coffee. That calms me down. So, if thats the case, stay in bed an extra 20 minutes, that way it will seem like the coffee just appeared. Nice!!!!
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
17 Mar 13
hi inertia4 I am really the same way which is why I wrote this as I got to thinking of the other side of the equation and the care givers who had to dress and drive here early in the morning in
the cold and dark and then make the coffee and seve it and start all 114 breakfasts at the same time. lol more than I would have wanted to do for sure.that made me decide I could wait for my coffee. So I sit there all stony faced but I do finally get that good hot cup of coffee and a refill too.Happy is he or she who gets two cups of hot coffee in the morning.
1 person likes this
for.
@inertia4 (27961)
• United States
21 Mar 13
I cannot function without two cups of coffee in the morning. Nice!!!! Look, good things come to those that wait. And in this case that good thing is coffee. Piping hot and oh so awesome. Yes, those care givers do have to put in many hours, do a lot of work and travel back and forth. They do deserve something in return.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Mar 13
hi John I don't remember the opera by Gil bert and Sullivan but I do remember someone telling me there's a card game called patience. lol
I am truly not a patient person so for m e to reverse this discussion was truly different bu t I did get to thinking abut how I w ould have hated to h ave to drag myself out of bed on a dark, chilly morning to drive in here to make coffee for the whole batch of residents who would be waiting with varying degrees of patience or impatience and thus I did w rite it. lol
w rite it. lol@JohnRok1 (2051)
•
15 Mar 13
How about dragging yourself out of bed on a dark chilly morning to wait for a bus or underground or walk or cycle to make tea for the whole batch of residents? That's what you'd be expecting to do in my country. And of course we take it for granted, it's only reasonable.
Residents? Behave like civilised people? You'll be asking for the moon next!
2 people like this
@mrswhitfield (2044)
• Indonesia
14 Mar 13
It's in the eye of the beholder. If I am the one who have to wait and the person who make me wait have confirmed me before that he/she will little bit late and that I have to wait for him/her for several minutes, I will wait fot him/her. But if there is no confirmation before, it will pissed me off. Time is precious for me, I will do the same if I assume that I may will coming late, I will tell the person whom I will meet or call that I will reach him/her little bit late. I don't want to make him/her feel that I don't respect her/his time.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Mar 13
hi mrswhitefield I need to explain I live in a retirement center so I am talking of all us residents sitting waiting for that much desired cup of coffee and we must remember these people who are our care givers have to get up even earlier than us dress in the cold darkness then drive in that cold dark morning to come here and brew that coffee so I feel we need to be a bit more patient as they are doing the best they can to be there and have that coffee ready for us.
