What would you do?
By JanEdward
@JanEdward (68)
Italy
March 24, 2013 2:31pm CST
My sister married this guy a few years back. Since then they have got two kids. The guy seemed very nice, the guy is very intelligent. And thats the problem, if you talk to him you are always wrong. You cant teach him anything,he is always right and you are wrong. He always has to "win" a discussion.
Me and my sister live far away from eachother so we dont see eachother that often, so I visit them from time to time.
Two year ago i went on visit, he asked me if i noticed that my sister didnt drink any beer at dinner. I had to say no to that, she is not a heavy beer drinker. So you dont know what that mean; he continued. I didnt understand what he ment. Then he said there is something wrong with my ig, since i couldnt understand the signs that my sister was pregnant.
I cant really see how not drinking beer makes you automatically pregnant.My sister had lost two kids during pregnancy before,so that she was pregnant now didnt cross my mind,espesially since she didnt say anything.
Then the year after me and him went for a few beers,and he start talking about that it is ok to kiss other girls as long as you dont do anything else,and go him to your wife at the end of the evening.Im thinking he is a very intelligent guy,but how clever is he to tell this to the brother of his wife.
But, do i tell her what her husband is doing when he is out drinking.
Now there are two kids involved too, their marridge might not last if i tell her.
Then again, im just her brother and i should just keep my mouth shut(?) or??
1 person likes this
12 responses
@dagami (1158)
• Rome, Italy
24 Mar 13
hi, JanEdward. your brother in law was just talking about kissing another girl, right? or was he kissing one? i didn't really understand. if he was just talking about it, then what is there to tell? but if you saw him kissing another then i think you should talk with your sister because if you don't and she didcovers later on that you knew about it, then she'll also get mad at you. extra marital affairs start with a kiss, always.
@MoonGypsy (4606)
• United States
24 Mar 13
to me, thinking about it is just as good as doing it. why would he even tell that to her brother. that is so dumb.
@JanEdward (68)
• Italy
24 Mar 13
I have never seen him doing it, but he just told me out of the blue on our way to the city,that he has done it.
Exactly, i was thinking-"you know you are talking to your wifes brother,right?" And that also what i told him.
He said he is just flirting and kissing, but it stops there. Well, that is cheating in my taste , i told him.
Can someone be very intelligent and retarded at the same time??? Apparantly yes.
@whitneysquirrel (224)
• Philippines
25 Mar 13
I don't agree that thinking about it is just as good as doing it.
Being married would not stop him being attracted to other people. But I would expect him to resist and remain faithful nonetheless.
This is a sticky situation. You are torn between your loyalty to your sister and hurting her and their peaceful family life. I would not want to be in your place. But if it were me, I would think about my sister, what would she want me to do? Would she have wanted me to tell her so that she can make decisions for herself? Or would she want to be blissfully ignorant of these things. Does she already know and accepts it anyway?
Years ago, I found out my best friend's boyfriend was cheating on her. Actually, he was cheating on his girlfriend with my best friend. I did not want to hurt her. But I told him to tell her or I would. He didn't. So I did. And I told my best friend if the roles were reversed, I would have wanted to know as soon as she found out about it. But people are of all kinds.
@Lucky12 (767)
• United States
24 Mar 13
I have to say it is hard to really say anything, but if you feel she should know then I would tell her. Sometimes it is better to let your loved one know especially if they find out that you knew all along. Then again it is hard because she may not believe you and get mad. She may think that you are lying to her.
When it comes to the kids that is her choice. You do not stay with someone because you have kids together if they are treating you badly. I do not care if you kiss someone else that is not being faithful to your spouse. You have to decide what you want to do and if you choose to tell her then make sure that you sit her down and let her know face to face not over the internet or the phone. Good Luck and I hope that all goes well.
Oh and another thing with the know it all issue yeah he thinks that he is a smart guy, so he will do that all day long. This can get very annoying haha. Good Luck again and hope everything goes well. 
@JanEdward (68)
• Italy
24 Mar 13
Thank you for the respond.
It is a good thought that someone as smart as him can be so dumb. It kind of makes me feel abit smarter:)
@MoonGypsy (4606)
• United States
24 Mar 13
this is a hard situation for you to be in. at first thought, i would say beware. people tend to shoot the messenger. it could hurt the relationship between you and your sister if she doesn't believe you.
@JanEdward (68)
• Italy
24 Mar 13
Indeed.
And some time has passed since then,maybe i should have said something earlier??
@rivakwa (56)
•
27 Mar 13
Wisdom is important in all we do.Count the cost of telling your sister and having broken home and keeping quite and having a family intact,tolerating one another.Common sense detects that is better to have unbroken home.You should not have a hand in scattering your sisterls home because u want to play the role of a spy
@LovingMyBabies (85127)
• Valdosta, Georgia
24 Mar 13
I have a know it all in my family too. They want you to keep talking so they can prove you wrong. I don't give this person the satisfaction. I don't have conversations with them because that is what they want. I will say the general hey how are you but that is about it, otherwise everything will become a debate and I am not that kind of person...
As for the cheating, I think you have an obligation to tell her! Your her family and wouldn't you want to know if you were being cheated on? I know I would! She might not believe you of course but at least you can say you tried. I would not hide that from any of my family, I would have to tell them... I would want them to tell me if things were reversed I know that much and I might be a little upset with them if I found out they knew and didn't say anything to me!!
@JanEdward (68)
• Italy
24 Mar 13
Believe me, i have been thinking about it alot. Should i , or not???
Knowing my sister, I might be the one to blame if they divorse out of it.
Ever heard this?: "You cant be harmed by something you know nothing about"
And then there are kids involved too, I feel sorry for them if their parents divorse.
@roshigo58 (4859)
• Pune, India
27 Mar 13
hi,
I think you keep your mouth shut. because it will ruin your sister's family life. It is very annoying for you that he was talking about kissing other girls. It is vry unfair. But For your sister's kids you should not disclose your brother in laws thoughts.
@jonastabuena (2307)
• Philippines
26 Mar 13
This is difficult to decide actually, for me i think you must have a strong evidence like videos or photos to prove what your brother in-law was doing, its hard to tell to you sister what you heard about the doings of your brother-in-law, he is clever and intelligent, he can deny what he says. And he can change the situation. He might tell your sister that you are lying and you want to ruin there relationship, and now it will turn out to be your fault. My suggestion gather first strong evidence before you tell to your sister.
@jagjit273 (1754)
• India
24 Mar 13
Your brother in law is very sharp, cunning and shrewd fellow. But you should not interfere in their family matters as long as your sister is happy with him or she does not complain anything bad about him to you.
Happy mylotting.
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
26 Mar 13
I don't hear/read anything that shows that guy is intelligent. It's just a guy who wants to be seen, heared and be right whole time. He can't accept the truth, other opinions, etc. So ignore/neglect him! He will hate that for sure.
No need to keep your mouth shut if he is misbehaving but I doubt he will get the message. Feel pity for your sister must be terrible to share your life with such kind of person and bite or your tonque day after day after day.
@ShyBear88 (59282)
• Sterling, Virginia
25 Mar 13
I would tell. My brothers know when I don't like there partners and my. One of my brothers know that he has a lazy wife that doesn't give a rats about anything but is a user and he is still with her by his choice. I would be pissed if I found put years later that my brothers knew my husband did something behind my back especially if its with a other women. My husband knows well I won't stay with him if he cheats on me. I will take the kids and go or kick him out.
@doroffee (4222)
• Hungary
24 Mar 13
In this case, I would tell your sister. I don't think this kind of relationship is serving right for your sister. It might even be wrong for the kids as well, if they won't be able to argue with him, as he thinks the world revolved around him and he is always right. Well, I personally couldn't live together with a man like this.
@Sherryrob1 (126)
• United States
25 Mar 13
I really dislike talking to people who think they know everything because no one knows everything. Since it's your brother-in-law you kinda have to deal with him. I would ignore him if possible and try not to respond to some of his statements. Regarding telling your sister what he does when he goes out, she probably already knows. It's possible to live with or be married to a person and not know how they are but I doubt it. If nothing else intuition is a powerful tool. So it's possible she knows but it doesn't bother her. Don't think you should get involved.
