A Mother's Love Never Dies

@AmbiePam (84424)
United States
April 17, 2013 1:25pm CST
Some of you might remember my mother, who is just 53, has dementia. The kind where you don't know what a fork is for, and you poop in your pants because you have no idea you need to go to the bathroom until you've done it in your pants. Well, what's last to go when you have dementia? What has been your experience? My mom hasn't been talking that much lately. But a couple of weeks ago when I was watching her I said something negative about myself and my mom suddenly perks up and says, "You're beautiful. And don't let anyone tell you anything different." My dad had just come in and we both looked at each other with brows raised. She doesn't usually speak in sentences, if she speaks at all. Then the other day I was getting ready to go home because my dad had come to relieve me of watching her at their house. I gave her a hug and told her I loved her. She looked at me and said, "I love you too." My dad told me he can't believe she said that. He always tells her he loves her and in the past few months she hasn't been saying it back. Because she doesn't realize she is supposed to. Yet when I told her that she responded in kind. I've noiced when it comes to things that have something to do with her being a mother, she responds. I've thought that before, but now I'm certain. The last thing to go, the only thing she seems to have left, is her mother's instinct. I guess a mother's love is almost impossible to kill.
5 people like this
22 responses
@katsmeow1213 (28719)
• United States
17 Apr 13
That's good to know. And you are beautiful.. quit being so hard on yourself!
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (156813)
• United States
17 Apr 13
I agree, Amber, you are a beautiful person. I hope you are keeping a journal of these moments, but if not, you know you have chronicled these moments on MyLot and Gather.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (84424)
• United States
20 Apr 13
You guys are sweet.
@velvet53 (22523)
• Palisade, Colorado
17 Apr 13
This is very touching. It is amazing how she responded to you. I do agree that a mother's love is impossible to kill. Maybe she will start responding more as time goes on.
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (84424)
• United States
17 Apr 13
She seems to be regressing, but there is always hope that things could get better.
@velvet53 (22523)
• Palisade, Colorado
17 Apr 13
My prayers are with all of you.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
17 Apr 13
I think you are right in that Ambie. my mom as demented as she got and trust me ...it was bad, never failed to tell me that she loved me. Oddly, she did not say it as I was growing up but she did say it a lot in her final days. She also said that she hoped she did not hurt me. We were not close at all...far from it. We had some good talks in between her dementia and while I can't agree with her ways of child rearing, I do understand her a bit better. I am so glad that we had that time.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (84424)
• United States
17 Apr 13
I'm glad for you.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
18 Apr 13
ya, it is bittersweet. I guess it is good..better than nothing. It did help me understand her. I'll leave it at that.
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
17 Apr 13
I've gotta tell you AmbiePam, since I've lost my mom 7 months ago, I've had you on my mind more and more because of your mom. I sincerely hope you're prepared for her passing because no matter how strong one thinks they are, it hits you like a ton of bricks. I'm just now starting to come out of 'my shell' of grief and trying to work my way through the rest of it. I had lost my dad just 10 prior to my mom's passing so I guess that's why it's taking me longer to 'get back' to being myself again or somewhere near it anyways. May God bless you and your dad when that awful day comes and please know my heart is with you both!
2 people like this
@allknowing (130092)
• India
18 Apr 13
I was truly touched by your post Ambie. Your observation could be quite true. There is so little we know about a mother's instinct.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (84424)
• United States
18 Apr 13
That's so cool. Thank you for sharing the link.
@allknowing (130092)
• India
18 Apr 13
I have read so many animal stories and here is one: http://www.daijiworld.com/chan/exclusive_arch.asp?ex_id=2025
1 person likes this
• Philippines
18 Apr 13
Goosebumps! How inspirational. =) I think mother's instincts never go wrong. They may forget who they are or the people around them but not their children whom they carried and nurtured for months and after birth. I salute you guys for being so patient and understanding. =)
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (84424)
• United States
18 Apr 13
Thank you.
@patgalca (18162)
• Orangeville, Ontario
17 Apr 13
My mother is in the very early stages of dementia. She knows who everyone is but forgets everything. At Christmas she gives all the children and grandchildren cheques as gifts. This year and last year she got upset because no one appreciated the cheques. She doesn't remember the number of people who not only went up to her and personally thanked her, but that the group yelled out half a dozen times "Thank you, Grandma!" Recently I told her that just because she doesn't remember something doesn't mean it didn't happen. "Do you remember your wedding day?" I asked. (It was 67 years ago). She responded with "Partially". "Partially?" I asked. "I remember my wedding night," she said. I cut her off there as I didn't need to hear about THAT. I said, "But you did get married, didn't you?" She said, "Well, yes." She is 88 years old and in good health, probably to be around for another 10 years as her sister and mother lived to be 98. We're going to have to learn to deal with her failing memory. My aunt had alzheimer's. My cousin said on one of her visits she told her, "You're the mom." My aunt responded, "That's right. I'm the mom." They were happy to know that she at least remembered that. I am afraid of growing old. My memory is so bad now, probably because of my fibromyalgia, I worry what I will be like 20 years from now.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (84424)
• United States
18 Apr 13
I can understand that.
• United States
19 Apr 13
That is wonderful! She is a good mom and she always will be.
1 person likes this
@Mirita (2668)
• United States
18 Apr 13
Yes, in my opinion the love of a mother is greater than any other love that we might have in our lives. I have two boys and they mean the World to me.
1 person likes this
@RitterSport (2451)
• Lippstadt, Germany
17 Apr 13
oh dear Ambie thats sooooo touching. It must have been a big big encouragement in all you do to help her and your Dad cope with the situation. I am so glad your Mom said this to you. Hugs to you
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (84424)
• United States
17 Apr 13
Thanks so much, Regina.
@HeartROB (434)
• Philippines
18 Apr 13
So glad to have been able to read your story. It is so inspiring. I think in a human being that one thing that will truly last is the feelings that we had. Even though we might not able to remember it just like your mother, I think she somehow feels it and something poke her heart to able to feel it, that motherly instinct. As what I have read on your story I could really feel and see that your mother trully loves you so much. Even for a mother who has dementia, she still remembers it somehow, it might not be really on her mind but she feels it. Your mother loves you. Cherish every moment with your mother. Hope somehow with the things that is going on in your family, Hope things would still be ok.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (84424)
• United States
18 Apr 13
Thanks so much.
@mariaperalta (19073)
• Mexico
18 Apr 13
Ive never met a mother who didnt love her kids in some way or another.
1 person likes this
@Wendyzwt (49)
• Jingdezhen, China
18 Apr 13
I want to say:I love mother,Although she is very ordinary,not rich,not smart,not a beauty,but she gives her all love and caring to the family,her huge is the most warm place in the world.She is the hero in my life.I love her.
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
18 Apr 13
ahhh,,, how sweet.. it's make me cry. i agree with you that a mother's love is almost impossible to kill. well, i love my mother too, and she always take care of me, although now, i'm already teenagers, i've never get like yours, i mean the response you got when you talked with your mother, but i think all of mother have many way to express their love.. right? and my mother already gave me, it's freedom to do something for my success and her praying, spirit and her advices, to guide me to reach what i want to choose, that's all. :D
@AmbiePam (84424)
• United States
18 Apr 13
@GardenGerty (156813)
• United States
17 Apr 13
There are things that are still there. One of my first experiences as a CNA was to tend an Alzheimer's resident who was dying. She was active and was doing things that could hurt her, wandering and falling, etc. She forgot how to swallow. However she could respond to music, and one of the best things I could do for her was rub her wrinkled hands with lovely smelling lotions her family had given her. She remembered the fragrances and it calmed her when she was very restless. The touch that was just because instead of being because she needed physical care meant a lot. I also worked with a resident at another care center who had gone camping and driven her RV a lot. She came to our place because she had gone out and driven off in a company van at her previous residence. She remembered how to drive, and she recognized when she needed gas, so she stopped to gas up. The young worker at the station realized she was not supposed to be driving the nursing home van. She was incontinent, but she passed a lot of time folding wash cloths and towels for a task that was meaningful to her. Sometimes you can use the dementia to your advantage. I worked doing meal set ups in the late term dementia wing in another home. We had a WWII veteran who had some injuries. He had owned one of the largest cattle ranches in the west. Some nurse aids tried to boss him around and make him do stuff and he just got mad. I could make "round up" type noises and act like I was trying to herd cattle and tell him to get em by going around the other way, and he would. That would get him to his place at the table. That was what was real to him. The plaques and tangles of the Alzheimer's condition are very random. They completely knock out entire spots in the brain.
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
17 Apr 13
that is such a sweet story. your mom is so young to have struggles like that. i know its a tough go because my father in law has althzheimers and often cannot remember too much although he still knows who we are which is good but my heart goes out to you and your dad for sure.
1 person likes this
@Cutie18f (9551)
• Philippines
17 Apr 13
Are you sure she has dementia? I think is a very serious mental illness. She is only 53 and she can still have a full and happy life if she wants to. I think it is time to treat her like a normal person because I think she is just waiting for you to treat her that. If she had dementia, then maybe it is curable and she is now cured from it. Fifty-three is the new forty. She should be up and about and meeting people.
@AmbiePam (84424)
• United States
17 Apr 13
She has dementia. I don't think you quite understand. Treating her like a normal person is what we try to do, but also impossible. Although is capable of walking and moving, she doesn't even know how to dress herself. She lays on the bed and my dad dresses her. She can't even put her shoes on by herself. Plus, we didn't just decide she had dementia. We have taken her to numerous doctors and specialists. She's had MRIs and Cat scans. She was told years ago she would be getting dementia (they could tell something was wrong with her brain), but we didn't know it would be this soon. Let me give you an example of what we have gone through. At the start she would put dirty clothes in the dryer. I was driving with her one day and she almost drove off the side of a hill. She would run red lights, insisting they were green. Then it progressed into worse things. Now she'll follow my dad around the housem very single step. She'll get up in the middle of the night and stand in front of my dad on his side of the bed until she falls asleep on her feet and collaspes. She cannot write her name, although she can still read what is on a TV screen. I caught her licking spoons one day, one by one, and then putting them back into the drawer. Once my dad found her in the middle of the night, peeing in the bedroom closet. This woman has a genius IQ. We did everything in our power to see if it was something else, and it's not. It's dementia. And it will never get better because dementia is not curable. She cannot live a full life. I'm sure you mean well, but what you are saying is uninformed.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
18 Apr 13
Your mom is too young to have dementia. Have you let her see a doctor?
@AmbiePam (84424)
• United States
18 Apr 13
Of course. We didn't just decide ourselves she had dementia. She's seen about 12 different doctors and neurologists.
@cttolledo (5462)
• Legaspi, Philippines
17 Apr 13
Hi ambie! Very touching story.. she really loves you that's much.. I think she felt that time that you are unhappy ... mother's are mysterious when it comes to love to their children...
1 person likes this
@emily7339 (1337)
• Malaysia
18 Apr 13
I believe mother's love for the child is unconditional and never ending . The love she has for her children are being burried deep in her that's why she could respond to you at that loving moment
1 person likes this