Do you end the relationship or do you wait for the other person to end it?

@sunsham68 (1377)
India
April 23, 2013 12:24pm CST
When you are in a relationship that you know is bad and you are both miserable/ angry/ bored, whatever, do you take the inititave and call it quits or do you let the other person do the severing? I once called the shots and regretted it the very next day, but I could not fix it and we just lost touch, ever since I always let the other person do the dumping so even if I change my mind, I can't do anything about it anyway. Carrying the guilt that I threw it away was and still is too much for me!!
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17 responses
@mensab (4203)
• Philippines
23 Apr 13
why does the relationship have to end in the first place? misery, anger, boredom in the relationships are the testing and challenging times for the couple to stick together and fight it out of those times. as we know, relationships are not always a fairy tales that have happy endings. in reality, relationships are complex and full of trials.
@sunsham68 (1377)
• India
26 Apr 13
Yes, that is the confusion that keeps me waiting for a change around the next corner, but only if the person with me is of the same mindset. If they think its not going to work and we are too different to gel and made a mistake starting a friendship then only can I believe its mutual and we have to drift apart.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
23 Apr 13
Hi sunsham68! never make decisions that you would just regret afterwards. yet, if you have regard to yourself, never should you always allow the other person to dump you as often. for you not to suddenly "change your mind", you've got to really weigh things. consider different angles and do not focus on your "feelings" alone. making your feelings rule the decision would really lead to "regrets". it would help to pray when torn between the integrity that you should regard yourself over that "dumping thing" just because you dont want to carry the guilt. No guilt should ever win a well-thought of and lifted up to God decision. :)ProfGail
@sunsham68 (1377)
• India
26 Apr 13
Hey no. I do not let myself be dumped. I understand I should respect myself but I am worried about impetuous decisions that may be one sided while the other person desperately wants to work it out. If I can be sure they dont see a future for the relationship too, I agree with calling it off. that's what I meant. But yes, I get it - you are right in that prayer will keep me from being impetuous. Thanks :)
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Apr 13
I have a deeply feeling about this.I making a mistake until now.How depressed i was.
2 people like this
@ryanong (9688)
• Vietnam
24 Apr 13
Oh...i never regret about my decisions, especially in the relationship. When i feel that it is so biter, i am very uncomfortable with it, no goal/future for that relationship, it means it should be ended. no matter who says first.and whenever the decision is spoke out, it means i thought carefully about it for long time already.
@dpmathur (55)
• India
24 Apr 13
I would not think to end the relationship. i will try to get her back. but if other person is happy without me then i would take a backstep. so that, she can enjoy her life.
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@RAJASB (109)
• India
24 Apr 13
Will try to fix it from my end and if the other person is in no mood to listen or change, it's better for me to quit it rather than waiting for other person to quit. It's good to stay away when you come to know that you both can no longer maintain the relation.
@kixsh101 (1347)
• Philippines
24 Apr 13
Situations like that, must be thought over for a thousand and even a million times. Though, it seems it is the end of the road or it's getting worst everyday, remember not to quit the soonest, because every tomorrow is always different from today. You should have given space to each other, than giving it up. Worked on the hard edge, if something are not in tuned to both of you, then find things and ways that it will work. There's no such perfect relationship. It is always important to give and take. And lastly, if the relationship is worth keeping for then fight for it. At your case, don't feel guilty, if you've tried your best to win him back. Beside's if you are destined to be on each other's arms forever, then it will happen. Maybe not now, but in the right time. Cheers! Happy Mylotting!
@lizziegee (297)
• Philippines
24 Apr 13
As for me, I always initiate the break up. I never believed in prolonging the agony. If we stay in a relationship where I'm not happy anymore, it will be just hurting him more. Of course, I only do that after we tried working it out. If all efforts fail and the spark just isn't there anymore, I would rather tell him honestly, than go on in the relationship lying all the time.
2 people like this
@Jyiou7 (83)
• Malaysia
23 Apr 13
I think you and your partner should at least talk it out and discuss the problems you guys are facing in the relationship before deciding to split or breakup. You never know if the problems could actually be fixed. However, if the both of you find that you are not the right one for each other, then it calls for a real breakup. No more guilt, no more attachments. Just accept it and continue moving on in life in search for the righter one. Good luck! :)
@joizee (502)
• Philippines
24 Apr 13
Hi Sunsham! :) I can relate to this. I also am the one who calls the relationship off. As I girl, I have pride and don't want to be dumped. And I'm the type of girl who doesn't believe "sweeter the second time around". So when past relationships shows feelings again, I shut it immediately. Thanks for the discussion :)
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@sunsham68 (1377)
• India
26 Apr 13
You're welcome :) You have a very valid point, its better not to be the one dumped, and I guess I have learned that in my professional work, I see a job that is not working out and don't have any worries about quitting straight off. Yes starting off an old relationship is not my thing either...
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@joizee (502)
• Philippines
27 Apr 13
It's like dejavu if we try to have the relationship from the past. I can't take the risk of testing his improvements or changes and get hurt again. Thanks Sunsham! Have a nice day!
• India
24 Apr 13
If you both are miserable in the relationship it does not matter who walks out first, what matters I feel is whether you have tried everything to make it work. If you are sure you have done everything to make it work yet it isn't then you should call it quits.
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@sunsham68 (1377)
• India
26 Apr 13
Thing is there is no mutual misery all the time in most relationships, right there are ups and downs and you wonder if given a few different scenarios if there would be more ups than downs and if you should wait it out..
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• Philippines
24 Apr 13
If the relationship is already hurting us, and he is not doing anything about it, I will take the initiative. Maybe he is a gentleman who would want to save my pride by making the first move. Thanks a lot for that. But if there is no more reason to stay I go. We deserve to be happy.
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@sunsham68 (1377)
• India
26 Apr 13
I don't ever get that clear picture that this is it and its the end. Maybe its my upbringing of not giving up on something maybe its change I am afraid of facing by my own doing..I don't know..maybe I second guess my actions too much too!
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@ayeeesha (1129)
• Philippines
23 Apr 13
Hello there! It depends actually. If I feel like the relationship isn't working and it's going nowhere, I initiate the breakup. But before I do, I weigh all the possibilities and consequences first whether it is the right thing to do or not. But if I do feel that the relationship has to end, then I have to end it. Ending a relationship is never easy. But always remember that someone better is coming along :)
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@sunsham68 (1377)
• India
26 Apr 13
That is well said. Great advice. Seems like you got me right :) Thanks!
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• Philippines
23 Apr 13
Hi sunsham68! It depends on the situation. I normally end the relationship. I just think it's the best thing to do. It does not matter to me who do the break up. I don't want to give the person false hope. If I'm not happy or I really think I'd rather be free, I say it when I'm fully decided so there will be no regrets. I think once in our life, we'll experience being broken hearted. It really takes two to work the relationship and make it last.
@sunsham68 (1377)
• India
26 Apr 13
Oh gosh it seems i was mostly misunderstood in this discussion. I dont want to give false hope, just wanna be sure its over from both sides and that I am not throwing away something just because I cannot see the potential..I really have to get better with words I guess..
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@Aja103654 (5651)
• Philippines
27 Apr 13
I'm not afraid to end a relationship myself. I've done it twice already and I don't regret the choice at all. When I decide that means I have already thought it over thoroughly and considered the consequences and learned to accept whatever happens next. Once I've made up my mind in ending a relationship, I am carrying it through till the end without regrets. Because I know it was for the best for both of us.
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• Philippines
25 Apr 13
Prior to my husband, I only had one relationship and I was the one who ended it. Primarily because he's a cheater and I can only take so much. Ending a relationship, I think, is a case to case basis. It depends who sins from whom.
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@LittleMel (14033)
• Canada
24 Apr 13
most of the time I ended such relationships. only a few times that my exes did. both times I thought everything was going well and they never expressed any kind of discontentment. One of them returned to his ex after she kept begging him to come back. The other one moved away due to work, this one just drifted away, never showed up as he promised, never replied to emails and phone calls anymore. Over time I knew it's time to move on. When relationships ended, whether I called it off or the other person, I always blocked their phone numbers and emails, and either throw away or give away anything that reminds me of them. I find that not hearing or seeing anything from them and about them, help me move on faster. I don't carry regrets and guilts over ending a relationship, because I never ended anything without much consideration or proof (when cheating is involved) I remember them and the pain, but I don't let memories stop me from living my current life and pursue my future goals. after all if it were that good, I wouldn't have ended it.
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