Important Or Unimportant For Spouses To Share A Common Religion?

Canada
April 28, 2013 10:54pm CST
I've encountered a lot of situations where upon marriage, one spouse will convert to the religion of the other. In a lot of cases I've seen the woman do this, but in other cases the man has also converted. When I asked one woman, she argued that if she was going to take his name, she might as well take his religion. Um, really? In my opinion, one's religion, or lack of religion, is a very important part of who they are. I can think of a personal example from my family where woman and man met, man was having an issue with the strict religion in which he was raised, man went to church with woman, man joined woman's liberal church, they later married in that church. This was the man's decision, because the religion genuinely appealed to him and made sense, and had nothing to do with the actual marriage. It just happend to work out that way. Those who know me know that I am Presbyterian, and my husband is Mormon. We are perfectly OK with this, although I can't say the same for a couple of Missionaries, in the beginning of our relationship, and some issues from my former Presbyterian minister. The one who preaches at my church today probably wouldn't have an issue, nor would my Aunt and Uncle, who are married Presbyterian ministers. No one in my family or his, has an issue with our religious differences either. He is the only Mormon in his family. I've heard from many religious authorities, belonging to many different religions, state that changing religions for the sake of a union with another person is not the right reason to convert. Religious conversion should be because of something within the individual, not because they want to be more united with their partner. In a good marriage, different religions really won't matter. If my huband and I had decided to have children, we'd have raised them with both sets of beliefs, taught them both religions, and when they were old enough to make their own decidions, they'd decide. It could be mine, it could be his, it could be another, or it could be no religion at all. Who are we, and who is anyone, to say what goes on within someone else's spirit? Last week at a conference in Kitchener a Muslim Imam said exactly the same thing. We should choose a religion because it's within us to choose that religion, not because we are "marrying into it." That's not to say it never happens. I mentioned the case before of my relatives where one met his partner, and genuinely felt a connection to her church. Is it important to you that you and your partner share the same religion, or in the greater scheme of things, does a union beyond two people go beyond religion, or actually unite two different religions on one union?
7 people like this
12 responses
• United States
29 Apr 13
It isn't important at all! It would have been an extraplus if my guy were Jewish but he is not. He is shy so I won't disclose his religion . All I can say is we respect each other's beliefs. I wasn't born into my religion , I found it when I was 17 , many , many years before we met! You know how I feel about marriage would be for me . There is no way in hell I would ever convert for a husband! But with that said , I can see if I were devout and were tohave kids , religion would be more of a serious issue. But like you said it doesn't have to be a deal killer .There are many mixed religionwize, happy marriages!
1 person likes this
• Spain
29 Apr 13
The most important think in a successful couple is always to be respectful with each other: respect their interests, attitudes,hobbies, religion and all that. When the couple begin to be aware of the differences between them,this shouldn't be a barrier for them. Love will conquer all. It's good to have differences in a relationship; it makes it interesting
2 people like this
• United States
30 Apr 13
My guy and I are opposites in many things but our hearts are the same. Yes, we do respect and even love the differences.
• United States
29 Apr 13
Conversion to a new religion should be done because there is an actual connection to that religion. That is why I chose to convert to Judaism; it was not any influence from my boyfriend. I went to synagogue and realized that was where I belonged--within Judaism. Even before I realized that I would convert, I had already decided that any children we may have would be raised Jewish. I don't believe in splitting children between very different religions, nor do I believe in allowing them to simply drift. They deserve a real foundation--traditions, a community. While some interfaith marriages do work, there is a higher divorce rate amongst intermarrieds than those in same-faith relationships. One of the groups with the lowest rates of divorce is Orthodox Jews (I believe I saw that in an article on the OU site a few weeks back). From a sampling of successful interfaith couples I know... In one case, one partner had drifted away from Catholicism and is somewhat involved in the synagogue. In another case, the non-Jewish partner has found a spiritual home within Judaism but has not officially converted. In another, the husband is an agnostic so doesn't have any overwhelming religious views. Could two deeply religious people from different faiths have a successful relationship? It would be difficult. One woman's late husband wanted for her to be baptized "just in case." She's Jewish, so that was a rather arrogant thing for him to have said--implying that his religion was more important than hers. I really hope that any children I may one day have will choose Jewish partners. I don't want for them to be pulled away from Judaism. That is generally what happens when a Jew marries a non-Jew.
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
29 Apr 13
I agree to the statement that "changing religions for the sake of a union with another person is not the right reason to convert". Thus, I also agree that we should choose a religion because it's within us to choose that religion, that we choose it because we believe on what it preaches, not just because we are marrying someone under that religion. I think it is important that we agree to the beliefs of a religion because religion is our solace in times of troubles. How can we seek solace into something that we do not agree on? I think that what's important in a marriage is that both partners have open minds if they have different religions. They should be ready to understand each other, besides, what they married is not the religion of the person, but the person himself/herself.
1 person likes this
@inertia4 (27961)
• United States
1 May 13
Again I have to totally agree with you. I am not religious at all. I was raised catholic but after going to catholic school for 8 years I decided that it was all bull. After all, they abused the kids in the school. And I was also abused there. So I have no respect for any religion. That aside, when I got married years ago, my wife wanted my children brought up catholic. I was against it but she put them in catholic school anyway. Now they are older and I know they really don't care about religion either way. They are still small, so all they are interested in is their toys and games. I see nothing wrong with 2 people being together with different religions. Love is love and love is blind. Religion is a touchy subject that I believe should never be discussed.
@Zer0Stats (1147)
• India
29 Apr 13
Not at all important.The one I love can either accept me as I am,or get lost.It's impossible to forcibly change what you believe,anyways. Changing,or,in my case,adopting,a religion for the sake of social acceptance would be a shallow and superficial change in name only.
1 person likes this
@yemlay (2)
• Lagos, Nigeria
4 Jun 13
it's very very important for both couples to have the same religion,cause, they are now one flesh.
@Fishmomma (11378)
• United States
29 Apr 13
My husband and I are different religions and have been together over 30 years. We informed our children they could be any religion they wished to be in their life. Each daughter selected a different religion and it was fine to us. We want them to be happy.
@sizzle3000 (3036)
• United States
30 Apr 13
I actually don't think it matters. My husband and I are different religions as are my daughter and her husband. I think a lot of it depends on how heavy you are into it. Some are very devout and would never think of marrying someone of another religion because they aren't as devout as they are. I could also be very wrong and people have changed but there will always be at least a few people like that.
@AmbiePam (84651)
• United States
30 Apr 13
It is important for my future spouse to share a common religion, but not a common denomination. If he's a Methodist and I'm a Free Will Baptist I'm not going to care because we are both Christians. If he's Buddhist that's not going to work. I'm sure there would be conflict on how we would even raise our children. If people aren't active in their religious lives then I wouldn't expect them to make it a big deal. It's easy to be different religions and live together if neither one goes to church or follows the commandments of the Bible (or Koran for example). But if both are sincere in their beliefs, then it would be a problem for me. Everybody else will do what is best for them, and I plan to do what I know will be best for me.
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
30 Apr 13
My mother was Catholic and my dad was Mormon and they were married for 58 years before dad passed away first then 10 months later, mom passed. Religion didn't have any bearings on whether or not they could or couldn't marry. Dad wasn't a practicing Mormon but he was still a Mormon just the same. Mom was very much into her religion and raised us three kids in the Catholic religion however, none of us are practicing Catholics however, my husband and I do go to Baptist sermons every now and then but not often because I don't feel like there's a 'need' to go every Sunday because God knows what's in our hearts already and that's what matters most.
• Philippines
1 May 13
Some religion would require that both partners are of the same religion but I think, that is not really important so long as my better half is not stopping me in practicing my belief or is not demanding that I be converted. So long as my better half is respecting my religion and my beliefs, wed be cool
• Spain
29 Apr 13
The most important thing in a successful couple is always to be respectful with each other: respect their interests, attitudes, hobbies ,religion and all that. When the couple begin to be aware of the differences between them, this shouldn't be a barrier for them. Love will conquer all. What is more, I thinl it's good to have differences in a relationship because make it interesting