Now Stop It, I yelled
By cynthiann
@cynthiann (18602)
Jamaica
August 6, 2015 8:44pm CST
Not sure if I should post this as it says a lot about me as a mother. Not good either!
I was silently yelling at myself and with good reason too as I had been so stupid.
My second son is home from N.C.as his wife wants a divorce and not having lived with him for around 16 years I am finding it difficult to deal with him as a grown man.
He is gutted and needs comforting and what does he get? A mother who just asked him (as he was leaving the house) to remember to use the bathroom before he leaves!
He just looked at me and sighed, pityingly really. I don't blame him as yesterday as I was leaving the house and told him that I would be gone for about an hour and a half and he wasn't to mess up the house. He is forty not four!
I have apologised and grovelled as it must hurt him. I know that we have to get used to living with each other again and it is hard for both of us. We talked several times weekly over these past three years that he was living in N.C. but it is different with him coming home permanently.
I could kick myself but he will forgive me as he loves me and I am his mother.
*thinks* now if only I could get him to grow some hair on his head. I really hate his shaved head! lol
10 people like this
12 responses
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
7 Aug 15
A mother will always be a mother for his son, even if her children are married and even if she becomes a grand mother for her grand children. It does not matter, if your son is married and now facing issues relating to divorce. He is a grown up man with his own whims and fancies so you need to accommodate him and vice versa, this is what I feel.
3 people like this
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
7 Aug 15
@cynthiann - Yes, I agree with you that it is hard to change as we grow older.
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
7 Aug 15
Definitely! Just hard changing I suppose. I will have to try harder!
2 people like this
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
7 Aug 15
Aww. I'm sorry to hear he is getting a divorce, but he is lucky he has you to be there for him and I'm sure he appreciates everything you do.
3 people like this
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
7 Aug 15
Hi there! Happy to see you! yes it is awful a kind of here-we-g-again time for me. I have to watch what I say though as I have been treating him like a child! Not good!
@Rosekitty (19368)
• San Marcos, Texas
7 Aug 15
I have 3 Sons and the youngest is almost 31 and moved in with me after he got out of the Army. he went straight from High school to the next day boot camp so missed out of a life..we are roomies but we respect each other and share half of everything..I cook all the meals unless he decides to eat out but he does his own laundry.I am just so happy to have him alive after being gone so long but as we are Mother's, they are always our babies no matter the age..one thing is all my Son's have shaved heads and i don't mind it at all..if they had hair on their heads i'm sure they wouldn't be shaved..hahah
2 people like this
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
7 Aug 15
This son always marched to the tune of a different drummer but never was in trouble and still does not drink or smoke. I adore him but he can also be very annoying. We just have to get used to each other again. Two thumbs up for your son for serving!
2 people like this
@fruitcakeliz (2641)
• United States
7 Aug 15
i was going to ask @rosekitty , is his head shaved head due to the military or just due to age? i have guy friends his age (just a few years younger than me) who are already experiencing the "baldness" thing... (and also a s/o (significant other) who just can't grow any hair due to an auto-immune thing....so jealous of his smooth legs ;) )
i am not a "biological" mom to any.....but am known by MANY as "mother beth" as i watch over/mother all my friends (and now their children)....one of whom actually moved in with me for a couple months last year, with her young son, after a break up. i really tried not to be overbearing....but i felt i could not help myself at times LOL..
mom's will be mom's.....always and forever....
2 people like this
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
7 Aug 15
@fruitcakeliz It is a style in Jamaica b ut with him it is because he inherited my mother's genes re white hair. He began growing gray at 22 years old and didn't like the white hair. He would look so handsome with white hair too against his complexion but he doesn't want it. Keep on loving and mothering the many who come into your life!
1 person likes this
@much2say (53942)
• Los Angeles, California
7 Aug 15
A chuckle as I do all that to my kids right now! I'll bet they are thinking when will all this mother hen business stop - ha ha! The cool thing is your son had a place to go, and Mom is supportive of him as always. A mom will always be a mom no matter how old they become! 
2 people like this
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
7 Aug 15
As long as I am alive then they will always have a home to come home to. This is just how it is. We look after our own.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
7 Aug 15
I just have to get used to him as an adult now. It is hard for him too and three weeks ago he lived with his family:(
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
7 Aug 15
@dpk262006 Yes - he is hard to get used to again. I woke up this morning to find him staring at me beside my bed. I know that he was checking to see if I was breathing! lol
2 people like this
@SViswan (12051)
• India
12 Aug 15
Lol....I can see myself the same as you when my son is 40! I have to keep reminding myself that he is almost 15 and I need to back off.
All I can say is...it might take a while but you will realize that he is an adult and you both are sharing the same place as adults and you aren't the adult telling the child what to do.
Good luck and God Bless!
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
17 Aug 15
I apologise for taking so long to respond. We are getting used to each other now and it is getting better. Many thanks!
@AmbiePam (85742)
• United States
17 Aug 15
Aw, now that just shows you still care. My grandmother used to be that way with my mother and uncle. It was as if she didn't know they were full grown. ??
Unfortunately, with my uncle she became an enabler. Which may be why he's been married and divorced 3x and now lives next door to my grandmother. Glad that isn't the case with you guys!
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
17 Aug 15
Oh gosh no! It is getting better as we learn to get used to living together after so many years.
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
7 Aug 15
My oldest (31) just left again after being home for a year. Like you when he first came home, broken hearted and depressed, I instinctively entered Mommy mode and treated him much the same as you. Finally I sat him down and apologized, but explained as a mother, some things just can't be helped and I was sorry if my mommy mode hurt his feelings. He LAUGHED at me! Cheeky boy! He told me his feelings weren't hurt, but they would have been if I had NOT mothered him, because that's basically what he came home for! There was a lot more to the discussion, but the upshot was, I learned that he depended on my mothering..........as long as I didn't overdo it! lol
1 person likes this
@sparkofinsanity (20471)
• Regina, Saskatchewan
7 Aug 15
@cynthiann Keep the communication open. He is depending on you. Let us know how it goes...big hugs sweets!
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
7 Aug 15
You have made me feel so much better. Bless you for this. I came home exhausted today to a just cleaned house. It made me feel good and I so thanked him. I will talk to him a little later as I do know that he is suffering and feels like hell
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
10 Aug 15
@sparkofinsanity Thank you so very much for your help and caring words
1 person likes this
@TLChimes (4822)
• United States
7 Aug 15
You will find your balance in time. You will find the right words that mean the same thing. "Be home by 11" is what you used when he was a teen and now you will say something like "What time do you think you will be home?" or "I will be gone for about two hours, just so you know."
You will always be a mother. The habits just need to change a bit now. He is used to the way he lived for all those years and you haven't had kids home long term in a while. You will get it balanced out though.
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
7 Aug 15
I have one son who sleeps four nights a week at my home but his work is from dawn to at least 11pm. so we exchange a few words night and morning and he is so easy as he is neat and tidy. But the second son is a different kettle of fish and even leaves his clothes on the floor in my bathroom! He is totally different from his brothers but I love him dearly and we will get used to it. Thanks for your wise words - I will or have to change my approach
@allknowing (130233)
• India
12 Aug 15
That was my first reaction reading your post but this is no laughing matter I promise you. I think you should touch on only those issues that if not dealt with would make living difficult and talking about his hair I suppose is not one of them. 
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
17 Aug 15
No - I do not say anything about his lack of hair! lol
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (129625)
• Israel
31 Jul 19
@cynthiann
Like you said it is hard for the both of you and you have to start all over again getting used to each other. How is he dealing with the divorce? I am sorry.
