On staying away from things that's bad for us..
By Wendy789
@Drosophila (16573)
Ireland
November 5, 2015 8:58am CST
I just got a call from my best friend.
She was sobbing down the line.
It was difficult to hear her clearly through the sniffs and the terrible crackling noise down the line. But I managed to get most of it.
She got her heart broken.. again.. by the same man.
They had arranged to meet, she waited for an entire day, he never showed up.
She described the spectrum of emotions she went through in that one day, starting with elation, excited anticipation, progressed to anxiety and fear as the day went on. Then she was hit by bitter disappointment, when she realised he was not going to show up after all. Finally, despair sunk in as she turned in for the night.
She wailed and ranted for ages down the line.
I stayed quiet, hardly saying a word, other than making the occasional sympathetic sounds.
“Do you think it is over?” She asked me.
“It can be, if you stay away from him. You do have a choice.”
She became silent. We both know it’s not the first time we’ve had this conversation.
And I pray, it will be the last!
We should stay away from all things that is inherently bad for us, even if it hurts to do so.
What’s your thoughts on this?
23 people like this
28 responses
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
5 Nov 15
Yep! That's what I fear the most, this might not be the last time we hear about him!
But then, as a good friend, it's my role to be supportive whilst respecting her choice..
I guess once she has accumulated enough disappointment in the relationship, she'll be ready to move on.
3 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
5 Nov 15
@Drosophila yes that seems to be all you can do just be there for her and hope she fi nally sees him for the jerk he is.
3 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
5 Nov 15
@Hatley I hope so! Sooner or later, she'd get pissed off enough. :)
1 person likes this
@WorDazza (15830)
• Manchester, England
5 Nov 15
Sadly it seems to be human nature to think that we will be the one who can tame the bad boy/girl. People like this guy will never change so your friend is going to be in for a lot of disappointment unless she ditches him completely. I wouldn't suggest it to her though. She has to come to that conclusion herself otherwise she will blame you if she does completely ignore him and is still unhappy.
4 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
5 Nov 15
That is very shrewd! You have a good point. I don't know why, but she seems to be under some sorta spell where he is concerned.
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
6 Nov 15
@WorDazza Lol..It really puzzles me with this case, she knows he's a waste of time. But every single time she just goes back to him anyway.. a bit like the lemmings queue up to jump off a cliff. You know it's not gonna end well, but still compelled to jump..
2 people like this
@WorDazza (15830)
• Manchester, England
6 Nov 15
@Drosophila I've seen it before. And it's usually the complete wastes of space who seem to be able to exercise this sort of hold over women. I guess you all just love a bad boy eh? 
2 people like this
@kevin1877uk (36988)
•
5 Nov 15
Sorry to here about your friends, that is really terrible that him never showed up, not even phoned or text message to say he wasn't going to meet her.
If I was her I wouldn't want to see him again then knowing me I would do it again and again, I never learn. It's an hard one to say. It's sad that she is heart broken, give her lots of hugs and support which I know yo will do.
I hope she finds a nice guy who will turn' up when he's meant too.
4 people like this
@kevin1877uk (36988)
•
5 Nov 15
@Drosophila Totally, hope she finds someone better who cares about her.
3 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
5 Nov 15
@kevin1877uk "It is better to be alone than in bad company" comes to mind.
3 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
5 Nov 15
Yep! That's what I pointed out too, he could've got in touch to say he couldn't make it. Maybe he has fallen into River Lea and got washed into the sea. That! would have been the only acceptable excuse for the "no-call" "no-show".
4 people like this
@Sheilamarie78 (2586)
• Canada
5 Nov 15
If it's happened before, it will probably continue to happen. He obviously doesn't think too highly of her or he wouldn't do this.
2 people like this
@Sheilamarie78 (2586)
• Canada
5 Nov 15
@Drosophila If she lets him get away with it, he'll only think she doesn't mind. He sounds selfish.
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
5 Nov 15
@Sheilamarie78 That's exactly it! By allowing it to happen, she's actually permitting herself to be treated poorly.
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
5 Nov 15
I bet he'll resurface a few days later acting like nothing has happened, at least that's how things went previously.
2 people like this
@softbabe44 (5816)
• Vancouver, Washington
6 Nov 15
I hope she really is done with him.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
6 Nov 15
Me too! Or maybe he will get bored soon and move on. That aint bad either.
@softbabe44 (5816)
• Vancouver, Washington
7 Nov 15
@Drosophila That might be the answer to the situation.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
6 Nov 15
Yep, he's her Mr Big. So we'll see how that one ends. .
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
6 Nov 15
@JustEmm I think he's single and enjoy lots of dates. I don't even know if they are technically together. But they have been "associated" with each other for a year now. A real life Mr Big. Carrie dynamic lol.
2 people like this
@JustEmm (148)
• United States
6 Nov 15
@Drosophila In those cases I wish they would find a new kind of person to love. Some folks will abuse us as long as we allow it, worse if he got away with it once she's doomed by not calling him and making him accountable. Is this guy married?
2 people like this
@zebra2222 (5269)
• United States
7 Nov 15
i would agree. There is no use depending on someone who is undependable. It just makes matters worse.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
7 Nov 15
Absolutely! If a man can't keep a promise this simple, what else is he capable of?
@Shellyann36 (11385)
• United States
7 Nov 15
Sounds as if she really needs to drop the loser and get on with her life. I don't know what it is about some people who let their mates/ex's run all over them and do horrible things to them but still keep putting up with the hurt and drama. I wish her lots of luck with seeing the light.
Kudos to you for being such a good friend.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
7 Nov 15
Thanks thanks! I agree with ditch the man and move on wholeheartedly! After all, life is too short to be wasted on random people.
@LovingMyBabies (85127)
• Valdosta, Georgia
14 Nov 15
I hope she can move on from him because he sounds toxic for her, no one deserves that. I hope she can find someone who will truly care for her and love her.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
14 Nov 15
Me too! I really should check back with her to see if he has "surfaced".
@arthurchappell (45002)
• Preston, England
6 Nov 15
If he is staying away from her then it is virtually over anyway - she needs to accept that.
1 person likes this
@arthurchappell (45002)
• Preston, England
6 Nov 15
@Drosophila If she finds it hard to dump him, then him dumping her is for the best as she can blame him more easily then
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
6 Nov 15
Wow that is very very true! I do hope he stays away. I also hope she doesn't go out of her way to make contact. You're absolutely right, if he is staying away, it's time for her to realise that it's already over.
1 person likes this
@wiLLmaH (8801)
• Singapore, Singapore
7 Nov 15
@Drosophila I hope she will learn this lesson. If not another guy may end up doing this to her again.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
7 Nov 15
@wiLLmaH That's true, do we instigate bad treatment? by permitting it to happen, or seek out people who treat us badly.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
6 Nov 15
Absolutely! 365 days later.. it's difficult to "correct" that course of action.
1 person likes this
@sofssu (23662)
•
7 Nov 15
@Drosophila Its sounds bad to say that but that is the truth.. such relationship never do anyone any good.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
7 Nov 15
@sofssu Relationships are meant to be laughters and fun.. not constant agony and so on..
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
6 Nov 15
Yep! I do hope she'll come to her senses. Or he will get bored soon enough.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
6 Nov 15
She is a happy go lucky girl most of the time, just seemed to shipwreck around this particular lout.
@hema7213 (3517)
• India
6 Nov 15
@Drosophila she needs you at this moment...try to make her happy go lucky again
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
6 Nov 15
Yep, from what I can tell, he is very manipulative. He'll probably resurface with a good excuse. Mind you, last time, he just acted like nothing was amiss, and my friend simply "thought too much"
@cahaya1983 (11120)
• Malaysia
6 Nov 15
I hope she would learn from the experience. Sometimes I don't know whether it's optimism or stubbornness that make people do the same thing again and again even though they know there's a risk that they would end up hurting.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
6 Nov 15
There are moments, I have to hold my tongue for sure.
I reckon I was born in the wrong era, I'd be happier if I was born in the Viking era, when every dispute can be solved by a claymore to the face..
Guess Mr Big was lucky after all.. xD
1 person likes this
@BACONSTRIPSXXX (14351)
• West Haven, Connecticut
6 Nov 15
I agree that staying away from things that bring us down and break us
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
6 Nov 15
Absolutely! Life is already full of it's own stress, we should try to avoid more if possible.
@martygoldeng (47)
• United States
6 Nov 15
Good writing. Sad story, but familiar to everyone probably, because no one goes through life without learning the hard way once in a while.
Love is the classic situation where you can't help loving someone because they seem to be just right for you. However, there's something about that person that you don't know yet.
That something is a severe character flaw that causes the person to do things that make you mad.
When a person's anger is provoked repeatedly by the same individual, then no matter what, even if you love that individual, you eventually will avoid him because you can't take one more anger episode that he'll cause.
Hopefully, your friend is in the final chapter of her anger episodes, but from the sound of things, with her sobbing tears of love for this guy, she's still got a long way to go before she has had enough.
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
6 Nov 15
Thank you for the profound insight and the well thought out response. You're absolutely right. I think she will eventually gets worn out by the aggravation. Hopefully, the self-preservation instinct kicks in, and she severs the connection completely.
