Where are you, Will I ever Find you??
By cassandra
@Castlerock34 (2255)
Minneapolis, Minnesota
November 13, 2015 10:08am CST
For the first time in a few weeks I have the loss for words. I have been going through a lot of emotional things and am not quite sure how to handle my feelings. I used to turn to drugs to cope with things but not anymore I am staying strong. I have been sober for almost 3 months and It has been a struggle every day, but I can only look at today and deal each day at a time.
Now this probably stems from me not loving myself completely but I have such an addictive personality it is amazing how one person can struggle with many addictions at the same time in their life.
It is not easy for me to admit so I will not go into detail or even mention my other addiction but this has been a struggle for years now and I do not see a way out.
I am never happy with just being with just one person. I need the affection of others to make myself feel good/pretty or loved. I have bounced from guy to guy over the years and it does not make me happy after the fact.
There is one guy in particular that I cant seem to draw myself away from even though he is bad for me. He served in the army for some years and there is something not right with him mentally. Not to say everyone form the service is that way it just has been my experience with a few of them I have dated.
I really enjoy being in his company and we have a lot of fun together but there is stuff he says to me and stuff he does that makes me feel otherwise. I know him and I will never have a future just because of how he is. He is 35 and the longest relationship he has ever been in was for 6 months, RED flag!
I could go on and on about my love life or lack there of, but I wont. I just wish some day I will be able to find someone that makes me so happy I will no longer have to see other men or think about other men while I am with someone else.
Where are you Mr. Right?
3 people like this
7 responses
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
13 Nov 15
You said yourself that you've bounced from guy to guy, so sounds like you have a similar track record as him. I had a similar track record as well before I met my husband, but he didn't judge me based on that. He took the chance and we've been married going on 13 years now with a total of 5 children (1 from before I met him, 4 with him).
Anyway, you really need to work on you before you can think about relationships. It's good you're taking a few steps in the right direction, but you need to like yourself and be comfortable with yourself before you can get seriously involved in a relationship that will last. Happiness can only come from within and not from someone else.
3 people like this
@Castlerock34 (2255)
• Minneapolis, Minnesota
13 Nov 15
The difference between us is I was married for 8 years and since then my longest relationship was 5 years. Most of my relationships are long term its just as of late I have been bouncing
2 people like this
@BethieAnnie (818)
• Dayton, Ohio
13 Nov 15
I am also trying to identify red flags, and walk away from those who have those warning symbols. I had a thought, and it seems to help. I realized, I will meet Mr. Right one day. When I do, I don't want to feel shame about my past. When I think about it that way, it gets easier to resist temptation.
2 people like this
@Castlerock34 (2255)
• Minneapolis, Minnesota
13 Nov 15
of course when I do meet someone who is worth my time and energy I will drop all of these guys but until then they keep me company, which is not healthy. This guy the one from the service is always busy with his company and I always have to ask him out it sucks!
2 people like this
@Castlerock34 (2255)
• Minneapolis, Minnesota
13 Nov 15
@Orson_Kart I bet your wife hates it when you hit on girls from the net.. lol
1 person likes this
@owstalaga (4825)
• Philippines
15 Nov 15
Oh wow. At least maybe make the best out of what you have with that guy. Even if he hadn't had any long relationship it might be good for both of you. Who knows? Life is difficult but it can be fun right?
I'm happy to know at least you have that one person you can't draw yourself away from. I think that's good enough for now. Sometimes love makes us crazy or our minds just go poof! I hate it when it happens.
It's hard when you want to take the chance but you keep stopping yourself. That's where I am right now. Ugh I hate the feeling. I hope you find your Mr. Right soon enough.
1 person likes this
@Orson_Kart (8314)
• United Kingdom
13 Nov 15
Sounds to me like you are drawn to bad boys. A steady Eddy will never let you down, but you might get bored of him. Shame, as you seem like a real cool chick.
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Nov 15
Orson I think she is but she needs to think she is and to like herslf and love herself then she can know real love when sh meet it. I had low self esteem until myh hubby taught me this to like myself and be proud to be who i am.
1 person likes this
@Castlerock34 (2255)
• Minneapolis, Minnesota
16 Nov 15
@Hatley Thank you for saying all this, everything you stated is very true! I can be the coolest chick in the world but it doesnt change the way I feel about myself or the relationships I am in. Every day is a work in progress
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
13 Nov 15
Mr. Right will come along when you least expect it. Before my husband I never thought I would find the right man for me either, I didn't know how to commit to someone because the feelings were just not there. When my husband came along everything changed for me. He's the love of my life and I never want anyone else-he's my soulmate. You WILL find the right person, it does take time though.
I will definitely keep you in my prayers as well. 
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Nov 15
@Castlerock34 If he is the right one you would not want to sp end a day away from him, yotr a good friend and in a w ay you may just using him. you have do bts which should be a red flag you will meet the man thats right for you and you will recognize him at once.
God picks out the man that he knows will be right for us. I was married for 33 years and did not begrudge any of that
t me.
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
14 Nov 15
@Castlerock34 Your welcome, I am always here to talk if you need it. You will get commitment in your life when your ready for it and if you have any doubts about the person your with now he is probably not the one for you forever. I had no doubt when I met my husband, I knew he would be the one I would marry and have a family with. I didn't know how I knew but I just knew.
@Castlerock34 (2255)
• Minneapolis, Minnesota
13 Nov 15
thank you for your kind words. I know someday he will come but right now the people I am involved with I am scared to let them go, I was always bad at breaking it off with people. I am not sure if I want commiment or not. I want someone who there for me consistantly and love me unconditional which irionically enough I have been datinng this man for about 2 years and he is wonderful to me and I do love him but I am not sure If it is the rigth kind of love for me.
@Missmwngi (12915)
• Nairobi, Kenya
13 Nov 15
Congrats for being able to stay clean.
Mr right starts with you,you need to love yourself first and be yourself and he will come along
2 people like this
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Nov 15
@Castlerock34 some times the reallyh hard things also bring yu the best in l ife afterwards stay positive andlike yourself for being unique one of a kind we all are you know. to l ike and liove others we need to l ike and love ourselves first.
1 person likes this
@Missmwngi (12915)
• Nairobi, Kenya
13 Nov 15
@Castlerock34 That is the way to go;keep strong
1 person likes this
@Castlerock34 (2255)
• Minneapolis, Minnesota
13 Nov 15
Thank you I am trying its hard but will stay strong
2 people like this
@jstory07 (148764)
• Roseburg, Oregon
13 Nov 15
I hope you will be able yto stay strong. Do not give up.
@Castlerock34 (2255)
• Minneapolis, Minnesota
13 Nov 15
Thank you. I hope I can stay strong to, every day is a fight. I think once I start loving myself more and diving more into my hobbies so I can take my mind off things
