Haggis Hunting!

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Few know that the wild Haggis is a wiry-haired critter that lives in the rugged, windswept mountains of the Scottish Highlands. The elusive, four-legged Haggis has become especially adapted to its steep, craggy environment in one surprising way, one that gives it a distinct advantage over the other quadrupeds with which it shares this terrain. Centuries of natural selection have imbued the humble Haggis with shorter legs on one side of its body than on the other. This single adaptation lets the Haggis stand level, shorter legs uppermost, as it grazes the scant vegetation around it, as well as allowing it to scuttle at speed, in one direction only, around the mountain to evade prying eyes. Two Haggis sub-species exist, depending on whether the shorter pair of legs is on the right (dexterous, clockwise-grazing) or left (sinistrous, counterclockwise-grazing) side of the creature. As with all niche adaptations, one important development arose to threaten this creature's domination of these lofty Scottish mountain ranges: the hairy-legged, bekilted Scotsman. Faced with a growing population of hungry mouths to feed, this intelligent sporran-touting hunter-gatherer learned the easiest way to trap the tasty delicacy that is Haggis was cunning and guile! The hunt was a family affair, involving young and old, man, woman, loon and quine alike - and a Haggis net. A few of the nimblest members of the household were dispatched up the mountain to seek out the quietly grazing Haggis. The rest of the family had the task of staking the Haggis net firmly around the base of the mountain - and waiting... As the runners up the mountain encountered the Haggis, the startled creatures would move further up the mountain, eventually reaching the top. Here, centuries of evolution were the undoing of the Haggis: the creature was forced to turn around in order to descend, resulting in the shorter pair of legs being on the down-slope of the mountain. This is not a naturally tenable position for the Haggis, as the longer legs were now on the up-slope. The poor creature would stumble and roll down the side of the mountain, to be caught, giddy and disoriented, in the staked-out nets below. The remaining task of stunning the creatures was all that was required, before transporting the catch back to the family home - bellies would be plenty full that night! For those celebrating Burns Night in the traditional way next week, be sure to properly address this great chieftain o the puddin'-race! There's more information on Haggis hunts, both for the dexterous and sinistrous varieties of the wild Haggis, and ways to prepare and serve the ensuing meal, at the link below.