Writing Until The Pain Goes Away ...

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Today has been a very sad day for me. One where I had to walk in darkness, pain, grief in order to 'be there' for people I cared about. I am writing tonight to make the darkness, pain go away. For the first time ever ... I saw another grieving mother when we went to the funeral home today. I saw myself standing there. I saw her face ... how the pain etched her face. I felt her pure shock, grief, pain of what has happened to her. It affected me greatly. Tonight ... I've felt afraid ... felt the panicky feelings in my stomach. Yes, today affected me very much. But, I felt I needed to be there because this mother had never lost a child. She made me feel as if I made a difference. Her child and my child are/were cousins. I write this to help me get the pain out ... so, don't feel sorry for me. Everything really is alright ... I just have to keep writing until the pain, fear goes away. I have to write until the 'birds fluttering in my stomach' stops. It's like they are beating their wings against the bars of a bird cage, desperately trying to get out. I'm okay ... I have to write when I feel grief, pain ... until it ebbs away. Below is a link to the poem I wrote as I tried to describe being a grieving mother.