Game Of Thrones Or Game Of Moans

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An TV epic series based on the works of J Double R Martin, or should that be George Double R Tolkien? Winter is coming – Well, talk about stating the obvious, Stark. If it’s Autumn, Winter’s obviously coming. Do you mumble Friday’s coming every Thursday while you’re at it? Maybe if you took Tony Stark’s plans for flying about in armour more seriously you might have a better chance of winning your throne back than growling pessimistic weather forecasts all day long. Daenerys, it took a chapter for you to go East but five books for you to get home to Westeros again. Talk about taking the scenic route. Lannisters always settle their debts so make sure you set a really good interest rate. Who cares which king or queen wins, when it should end with the arrival of Oliver Cromwell starting a republic. Do any of these fantasy shows about warring kingdoms ever feature a republic? Why does anyone want a throne made of sharp swords that can potentially cut your buttocks off anyway? Kings deserve cushions. That’s why this King Arthur is staying in Camelot. We pick our kings properly here, wrenching swords out of magic rocks – much more democratic. Game Of Thrones has the longest cliff-hangers ever. If a character gets into trouble it’s sometimes twelve chapters before we find out how they get out of it, if we remember who they are by then. Book Four, A Feast For Cows, is actually book five seeing as books three and five are two books really, and the characters we really care about, John Snow, Etienne Lannister, and dragon lady Daenerys aren’t even in it. We have to wait for book five to find out how Tyrion gets away after murdering his dad. I wonder where the Walking Dead got the idea of leaving us wondering who died for a full season. You’ve got a lot to answer for when I’m king again, George. King Arthur R R Chappell