When Humility Introduces Itself

Tweet

I shouldn't be there today, in fact, I am going to go so far as to say the infamous line from Kevin Smith's "Clerks" (uttered by Dante after every bad event that happens to him) "I'm not even supposed to be here today!" Today was the start date for my Appalachian Trail trek that should have taken me from Springer Mountain, Georgia to Mt. Katahdin, Maine but fate had other plans for me. After a skin / bacterial infection, slow healing stitches and surgery to remove scar tissue and bone growth I am back in a wheelchair. If I were at least mobile and able to walk around it would be easier to handle but at this point I am going stir-crazy and having mood swings that would rival the whole "no more wire hangers" emotional enema Faye Dunaway (playing Joan Crawford) had in "Mommy Dearest". Since I am now a bilateral amputee I have more obstacles than when I was only missing my left leg. I can't drive a regular vehicle, can't stand up on one leg to transfer to a vehicle etc. My neighbor has been spending a lot of time here at night to keep me company and most of the time he falls asleep on the couch. It doesn’t bother me and he's built like a brick wall so if I need to go outside he can pop the wheelchair up or down the two steps or just pick me up and throw me over his shoulder. The downside is his boyfriend (yes, he is gay) is getting sick of him being here. I have the feeling they aren't going to be together for much longer and that's just one more thing that is going to weigh heavy on me. Yesterday was a tough day for me; I had to do "number two" in the worst way but needed someone to help me when I was done just to make sure I didn't have any (gross, I know) left behind poop or. My neighbor just laughed and said I was being a complete moron for sitting there in discomfort because I had to poop. I went and it was a lot more than I expected but my neighbor didn't say a word; he just took it to the bathroom and knocked the poop into the toilet and tossed it in the sink to soak it. It wasn't until he began lighting candles that we both started laughing about it or rather the pungent smell of "it". I am not a shy person but having to ask someone to help me when I have to poop is just humiliating on every level. Right now I have no idea what is keeping me going (life, not poop) because I am exhausted on every level. This fall it will be two years since I lost my right leg and it feels like every single day is the same and no matter what I do I am cursed to never get my 'old' life back. This whole ordeal has been a living hell and something that I wouldn't wish on anyone.