What is in my Mind that is hazy to articulate?

I am very careful what I type online or say as there are some people you can not trust.

My mind is often hazy but i try to fix my mind to work

First let me say that you expressed this so well. I would get I'm afraid mixed up in my writing as well as my thoughts in such a thing. Perhaps that is because I don't have a complete understanding of what is happening (the topic). I can see how different events though similar in theme can accumulate over time and loose their perspective. I'm not convinced that online activity helps to soothe but can actually add to our issues. Not saying it isn't possible. Perhaps both?

Here is my own two cents worth in answer to this question. Is there anything in my mind that's holding me back, because I can't put my finger on exactly what it is, and so it holds me back, leaving me feeling hazy, in some way, because it remains unarticulated to me, in some as yet unknown way? I want a forever contactiveness with God, and my mind doesn't seem to be able to give me that, or maybe it's not possible in my mind to do this, or to achieve this, but I want it, even if what I really want is still hazy to me in my mind. Is it a part of my mind that is this "I" that is wanting it, or is it my "ego" wanting it, or perhaps it is my personality, or maybe it's a part of my emotional body, or is it actually another part of my physical self that wants this, maybe because it feels so afraid and insecure having to be the front runner here in this living of myself, whoever or whatever "I" am? Is our haziness really only all confined in our mind then, or is it really actually somewhere else, as well? What holds me back is the unknowingness which remains to me still unknown, because I cling to a false knowingness of what I think that this is. I still need to learn to let go of all else, but the feeling of a real loving faith that my linkage to God gives to me. My mind will then drop these outer questions of its searching for a serfdom for itself in order to be itself for me, rather than it trying to understand itself for me, but still serving me faithfully, not just wanting its own questions answered first, or its own haziness cleared up first. I, nor my mind, can ever fully understand all things, with only my mind on board. True understanding comes from true connection to all parts of ourselves, neglecting no part, not even the physical self. Every part must speak for itself, but no one part should be allowed to control the rest of ourselves, and that's the real secret to all of this.

This post is so perfect for me lol I have major trust issues. I think I always have had trust issues but it got worse as I grew older. I do see people who are just genuinely caring, trust worthy and loving people. But because of the total dog turds out there who have messed with my head way too much, I am always cautious. I do know that I am capable to trust because I do trust people. In total, I probably have full trust in about 4 people. But that is the trust that they will be there for me whether I am happy or sad. Trust they they will keep what tell them secret. But what I struggle with those people is not being able to get too close to them in case they one day just decide to leave or end the friendship. I am ok sharing with others about my life story but I am not all that good at expressing how I felt about it. I'm not good at sharing and expressions feelings. Like crying. I HATE crying in front of people. So sharing certain things on MyLot can be a bit difficult. I share some things but not every thing. Even though deep down I know I want to vent about it. I bottle way too much in.

My mind is often busy. I am generally a quiet person so I talk less until necessary or directly addressed. So obviously it means I don't open up easily. myLot has given me that outlet.