Severe bungedupedness

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Well folks have we all heard of this curious condition then? I had not heard of it until very recently. Until I was struck down by it. Or rather bunged up with it. I had some pains in my back and sought medical help. The doctor prescribed a pain killer containing codeine and paracetamol. I started taking them as instructed After two days I noticed that I had not evacuated my bowels at all but hey ho not something I thought was going to be an issue or prove problematic. Saturday- the third day I thought I needed to go so I tried. I couldn't. I was now in agony. I realised I had a big problem and it wasn't shifting at all. Intact it was getting worse. Excuse the whole pun ha ha 11 times I tried to go and 11 times I failed. I was in tears I joke you not. I phoned a friend - just like on that show who wants to be a millionaire - and he suggested I put on a rubber glove and break it up manually. I couldn't. I mean fiddling with my you know what with a rubber glove on - no way!!! My wife and I HAVE a wonderful relationship and we would help each other with anything!! Eh wrong!! She refused point blank. She phoned a friend too who suggested that I sit on top of a bowl containing boiling water. I agreed. Oh my god all that happened was that I got burned by the steam. Now totally thinking I was going to die- and I really did - I picked up my trusty mobile phone still sitting on this bowl of steaming water and had a Google. It wasn't much help and didn't recognise the search term " how to remove a poop that just won't budge " I had a brainwave at this point. Last thing I could think of before calling an ambulance - couldn't sit down and drive that's for sure. We have sheep and sometimes sheep need a helping hand to dilate whilst giving birth and to be revived afterwards. Amyl Nitrate " go get me the amyl nitrate " I screamed from atop the bowl. " wrong cavity " was my wife's really witty reply. Anyway she got it for me. I unscrewed the bottle. Put it under my nose and sniffed like I never sniffed before. Wow. It really packs a punch. Just as it kicked in I pushed as hard as I could and even though I thought I was going to be split in two I pushed some more and out it came. Wow it was immense and I understood at that moment why it hurt so much. But you know what. I had some very weird thoughts under the influence of Amyl Nitrate. No wonder sheep like it. I am never ever going to take painkillers like those again. Also going to keep the colon lubricated by drinking water like the minimum 2l a day I do now. I really do hope none of you suffer as I did. Been ok since. No more back pain I would admit to. So how about you. Any weird sh1t like this ever happen to you.