Back in touch with an old friend after many years. How do you react to similar situations?

@TheHorse (183330)

Walnut Creek, California

November 26, 2016 2:03pm CST

An old ex-girlfriend recently got in touch with me after several years of not having had any contact. We actually dated in College, and then saw each other periodically over the years to catch up. My life has been pretty "linear": teaching preschool in Seattle while I applied to Graduate School, Graduate School in Santa Barbara, teaching College in Iowa, returning to California to do educational research, landing another teaching job and a job working with poor kids simultaneously, blah blah blah. Her life has been more troubled: issues with prescription medications, a couple of abusive boyfriends, falling in with materialistic Scottsdale AZ yuppie types. She's held responsible jobs, managing physicians' offices mostly, but she's also experienced a lot of loneliness and sadness. How do you react when old friends contact you, especially those who have struggled and may need someone to lean on? I'm going to be supportive. I'm delighted to hear from her. But I'm also going to be cautious. Do I want to meet her in some neutral place, as we've done over the years? Or just communicate via email and maybe phone? Have you experienced similar situations? I'm going to post a link to one of my favorite all-time pop songs. It's how I feel right now.

Bill Withers - Lean On Me [with lyrics]

www.youtube.com

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24 people like this

30 responses

@Happy2BeMe (96752)

• Canada

26 Nov 16

I would definitely meet up with them over coffee and chat. I would be supportive but cautious.

4 people like this

@TheHorse (183330)

• Walnut Creek, California

26 Nov 16

She lives something like 800 miles from me. If we met up, it would be in some mountain place, like Utah. We both love mountains.

3 people like this

@Happy2BeMe (96752)

• Canada

26 Nov 16

@TheHorse that would be nice

2 people like this

@TheHorse (183330)

• Walnut Creek, California

26 Nov 16

@Happy2BeMe But that's a lot effort and commitment!

2 people like this

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@amadeo (112830)

• United States

26 Nov 16

I also have no desire.Like@teamfreak16 move on.Beside all of my old friends are gone. Do not mean to sounds so depressing.LOL

4 people like this

@TheHorse (183330)

• Walnut Creek, California

26 Nov 16

Many of mine have moved on as well. And I'm only in my 50s. my Auntie is 93, and most of her closest friends are gone.

2 people like this

Tina Dalasinski

@Tina30219 (79229)

• Onaway, Michigan

26 Nov 16

I would meet up for coffee with her some place. I love this song. Just be careful whatever you decide to do.

2 people like this

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Tina Dalasinski

@Tina30219 (79229)

• Onaway, Michigan

26 Nov 16

@TheHorse Yeah I would have to say it would be difficult to meet up living that far away from each other. I guess you are right email and phone calls will have to do for now.

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (183330)

• Walnut Creek, California

26 Nov 16

Thank you. She lives 800 miles away, so meeting up for coffee would be difficult. I'm hoping we can stay in touch by email, and maybe even chat on the phone.

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@infatuatedbby (98194)

• United States

26 Nov 16

If she ever comes to meet, perhaps hanging out with the coffee shop. I'd be supportive, but distant too because people change between the years. How'd she find you?

2 people like this

@TheHorse (183330)

• Walnut Creek, California

26 Nov 16

She found me via Facebook. She lives far away, so actually meeting would require effort.

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@infatuatedbby (98194)

• United States

26 Nov 16

@TheHorse I see!

Hope the catching up goes well.

2 people like this

@TheHorse (183330)

• Walnut Creek, California

26 Nov 16

@infatuatedbby I hope it goes well too. She was a significant part of my "history." I am sad that life has treated her roughly at times.

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@Ranuka (274)

• India

26 Nov 16

I will be very happy of it happens to me. I feel very lonly now. Stiil I am searcing for real love. But unfortunately the worl is full of money minded and selfish people.

2 people like this

@TheHorse (183330)

• Walnut Creek, California

26 Nov 16

Yes, that's true here in the United States as well. People seem to forget about other values, like love, compassion, intelligence, conversation, etc.

1 person likes this

@teamfreak16 (43523)

• Denver, Colorado

26 Nov 16

I guess I'd say that how I react depends upon which girl.

2 people like this

@TheHorse (183330)

• Walnut Creek, California

26 Nov 16

What would determine which you allow yourself to get close with again?

2 people like this

@TheHorse (183330)

• Walnut Creek, California

26 Nov 16

@teamfreak16 I have a hard time viewing it that way. As Gordon Lightfoot sang, "Anyone that I've called friend/knows they will not be forgot."

2 people like this

@teamfreak16 (43523)

• Denver, Colorado

26 Nov 16

@TheHorse - I really have no desire to see any of them, honestly. I've moved on.

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deleriousinIdaho51

@celticeagle (146824)

• Boise, Idaho

27 Nov 16

When people come out of our pasts it gives us a bit of a jolt. Sounds like she might need a friend at this time in her life. This is one thing that is good about FB. Brings people together.

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deleriousinIdaho51

@celticeagle (146824)

• Boise, Idaho

27 Nov 16

@TheHorse .....Yes, since cells phones we can't look up a number easily like we used to.

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@TheHorse (183330)

• Walnut Creek, California

28 Nov 16

@celticeagle Not if they move.

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@TheHorse (183330)

• Walnut Creek, California

27 Nov 16

That's true. It's an easy way to find people.

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@allknowing (121164)

• India

27 Nov 16

If you have nothing to lose you will be doing a good thing lending your shoulder

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@allknowing (121164)

• India

28 Nov 16

@TheHorse My best wishes are with you.

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@TheHorse (183330)

• Walnut Creek, California

28 Nov 16

Well, I have a lot to lose. But I think I can maintain appropriate boundaries.

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@TheHorse (183330)

• Walnut Creek, California

28 Nov 16

@allknowing Thanks. I think it will turn out well.

1 person likes this

@RasmaSandra (65223)

• Daytona Beach, Florida

26 Nov 16

It always depends on the circumstances.; Who knows you might discover that you still have things in common and if nothing else can become great friends.I became friends on FB with my high school boyfriend and was glad to discover that he had a wonderful family and had finally found this true love. I also am in touch with my boyfriend from university and he too has a family and kids but it is nice to be in touch and to catch up on things.

2 people like this

@TheHorse (183330)

• Walnut Creek, California

26 Nov 16

I agree that it's good to maintain friendships, even with old loves. Sometimes it take a few years for the passion, bitterness, confusion, etc. to clear, but ultimately we're all humans who need each other's support.

2 people like this

@Morleyhunt (21759)

• Canada

26 Nov 16

I would approach with caution. Meet on neutral ground. Have a coffee, lend an ear and see where it goes. Usually I find it doesn't go anywhere.

2 people like this

@TheHorse (183330)

• Walnut Creek, California

26 Nov 16

Why do you think it wouldn't go anywhere? She is very bright, but often put herself in inappropriate (for her) situations.

1 person likes this

@JudyEv (311820)

• Rockingham, Australia

26 Nov 16

Whatever you decide I hope it goes well. It is nice that she feels she can contact you. I guess she needs a supportive friend at the moment.

2 people like this

• Beijing, China

28 Nov 16

I think it is no need to meet her,everything was gone

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (183330)

• Walnut Creek, California

28 Nov 16

What was gone?

@TheHorse (183330)

• Walnut Creek, California

28 Nov 16

@Alisa_ I hold no ill will toward ex-girlfriends. Especially after it's been many years.

• Beijing, China

28 Nov 16

@TheHorse I will meet my old friends ,but I willnot meet my ex-boyfriend

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•

26 Nov 16

This is so timely! An ex posted his status as "engaged" to someone else but sent me a message and wants us to remain friends. My response? Oh sure! Am I stupid? I guess :D

2 people like this

@TheHorse (183330)

• Walnut Creek, California

26 Nov 16

Nah. Not stupid. Friendships are important.

2 people like this

@BRiT89 (163)

• United States

26 Nov 16

I agree with all of the advice you are receiving already. Be there for her, but also be aware. You will surely see any red flags if they are to pop up. Hopefully there won't be any. Well wishes to the both of you.

2 people like this

@TheHorse (183330)

• Walnut Creek, California

26 Nov 16

Thank you! The older I get, the more important old friendships become to me.

1 person likes this

@jstory07 (129851)

• Roseburg, Oregon

27 Nov 16

I hope you are able to catch up on old times and it all works out. If you can help her that will be good.

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (183330)

• Walnut Creek, California

27 Nov 16

That would be the ideal situation. Hopefully my friendship will be enough to help her.

@Tampa_girl7 (51408)

• United States

27 Nov 16

Such a coincidence that I read this tonight. This afternoon I received a telephone call from a high school friend who has had a very troubled life.

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@Tampa_girl7 (51408)

• United States

28 Nov 16

@TheHorse I am going to be cautious

@TheHorse (183330)

• Walnut Creek, California

27 Nov 16

Are you going to stay in touch? I'd like to stay in touch with my old friend IF it doesn't make me feel any pressure.

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@paigea (35310)

• Canada

27 Nov 16

I would feel cautious while wanting to be supportive.

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@TheHorse (183330)

• Walnut Creek, California

27 Nov 16

That's pretty much how I feel!

1 person likes this

@fishtiger58 (30092)

• Momence, Illinois

27 Nov 16

I was going to suggest caution as I was reading your post, yup caution. I would meet her but that could lead to more than you really want.

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@TheHorse (183330)

• Walnut Creek, California

28 Nov 16

Happily, shes far away enough that meeting would take a lot of effort on both of our parts.

1 person likes this

@fishtiger58 (30092)

• Momence, Illinois

29 Nov 16

@TheHorse Then problem solved

• Indore, India

27 Nov 16

I guess you should try to know how she is as a person now as a lot of time has passed in between. But you should go ahead with your decision to support her.

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@TheHorse (183330)

• Walnut Creek, California

27 Nov 16

I will do that. Thanks.

1 person likes this

@guruduttrai (13)

• Raipur, India

27 Nov 16

Yes, definitely meet her, if she's troubled it's your responsibility to relieve her, being her friend. Personally, I don't gel up with old friends easily after a long time, unless they are my best friends ofcourse but again, none of my best bros are out of touch. I don't know about you but you should meet her and be there for her. But be cautious, you two broke up because there were issues between you. Don't go down that road again, unless you're sure.

1 person likes this

@TheHorse (183330)

• Walnut Creek, California

27 Nov 16

For now, we'll communicate by email. I'm comfortable with that.