A posthumous post by Oscar, Part II

Tweet

Good evenin this is Hercules bringing you the next post that Oscar wrote. Oscar and I are both sheep despite our differences in outlook and breeding. As Oscar has passed on, I thought it only fair that his insights into life with humans should be shared. His opinions are not necessarily shared by myself. Part II of Living with Humans by Oscar • Sometimes you'll be at one end of the paddock and the humans will think they can leave the gate open while they're doing something. Work your way towards them pretending to eat then make a dash for the open gate. It's always much more fun on the other side of the fence. • Once you're out of our own paddock, make a beeline for the house. There are always tasty things to eat. We also trot all round the verandah leaving little pebbles of manure as we go. This is bound to bring a great roar from the boss. • Lean lovingly against them when you're soaking wet. They will be so pleased that you seem to like them that they'll put up with it. • To gain brownie points, put up with being cuddled and stroked, up to a certain point. I don't know why humans think we like to be stroked and patted, although Herc seems to like it. For maximum points, walk at their side like one of those soppy dogs. • If they are trying to look in your mouth, wriggle and squirm until you manage to get your foot on their toes. Immediately stand very still. They will so pleased that you've stopped wriggling that they will let you stand there although it will be hurting like hell. For good measure, try to piddle on their other foot. The photo is of my profile. Although the mistress thinks I was an ugly sheep, I beg to differ.