Not sure what to say anymore...

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I am miserable. Everything in my emotions is in so much pain at the thought of going back out on the street, I am thinking of ways to kill my brain cells. If I have to go back out and live like that...I do not want to remember who I am. I can't take it anymore. However, with that being said... When I was researching what kills brain cells, it turns out that I have a condition that will do it for me. I have recently been diagnosed with sleep apnea. Lack of oxygen kills the brain cells. My doctor won't prescribe a machine, so I can get more oxygen, until I have a more stable home life. I can't plug the thing in my car. It now makes sense, why I am starting to forget the most simplest of things. So if I go back on the street, I will lose more of my memory, due to lack of oxygen. But it may be slower in happening than I like. So I may try to speed up the process. I need to be on the machine now, because everyday I am not...more of my brain cells die. I was not aware of that...until I read up on it. I guess I am going to the office tomorrow, to tell them I can not pay the rent, and to let them know I understand that will have to charge me the extra $100, and start the eviction process in three days. If the eviction is successful, I won't even be able to get into Pablo Hamlet at the beaches (as planned), or anywhere else. So I will be pretty much be on the streets for the rest of my life. Even though it is not summer, the humidity is hard on me even now, so if I have to live in it...breathing will be difficult, and become harder the closer summer approaches. I am tired of being unhappy, and I just don't have hope anymore. I can not see a light at the end of the tunnel. I need to succumb to what is about to happen to me, and accept my fate. I need to find boxes to start packing, and some way of getting storage to place everything in there. I have a lot of little things, and those are harder to move, than the big things. It is more time consuming, so need to find a way to start now. But don't have the funds. Not sure how much longer my internet will be on, and I know I will go insane staying in a place with nothing to do. It is also how I watch TV too. I am already depressed living with little, to no companionship. It will also make it hard trying to get things done, without it too. And if I lose this, it will be dang near difficult to find another provider who will give me service. I just lose all the way around. I have made friends with a homeless cat. I call her Sunshine. In the beginning, she was afraid to come near me...now she rubs her body against my legs, and will let me give her little pats on the head. Today, she made headway, and came up to me, and put her paw on my knee. Her claws are so long, they scratched me, but I know she was not trying to hurt me. I have to be very gentle when I approach her, because she still is quite timid. It has taken her almost a year to warm up to me. Crazy thing is...I don't really like cats. But I was drawn to this one for some reason. She kind of has yellowish/orange eyes. They are so pretty. I know how she feels being abandoned. I don't have cat food for her, so I use some of mine to give her. As soon as she sees me, she will come running up to me. Or will be there waiting on my air conditioning unit, when I arrive home. It actually makes me feel good that something/someone needs me. I miss having a doggie though. I have always loved having dogs in my life. Especially, the male ones. My dream was to one day have a male Yorkie. Well... I guess that is it...