Mad This Morning
By celticeagle
@celticeagle (177036)
Boise, Idaho
April 26, 2017 7:49am CST
Had to call the police AGAIN because my grandson wouldn't get up. He stayed up too late and says he is going to finish watching something and then doesn't get much sleep. He has ODD and is very hard to manage at times. Most times.
The policewoman this morning told my daughter that unless her son is doing drugs in the home or beating her they shouldn't have to come out. It comes down to my daughter's parenting skills.
Okay, we know that. That is why I am here. To help her. It took me nearly a half hour to get her to get up this morning. She was tired because he didn't get to bed until late so neither did she.
Last time (last Thursday) I had to call the police the officer told us that if they had to come out again they would send a report to the DA and my grandson could do juvenile detention. I also called the school's SRO and talked to him. He said that he would talk to my grandson this week sometime. And, he also said that the law reads a bit differently than what this cop said. First a report is sent to the DA and Josh has to appear in front of a judge and the judge will decide what happens. So this time two female officers come out and tell us that they shouldn't have to come out unless he is killing us or doing drugs and that it is his mother's parenting skills.
So now what? We are trying to get a PSR established again but the facility hasn't called us back yet and it is been weeks. I will be getting on that again. I am so upset. He'd better get to bed early tonight and he'd better get to school the rest of the year. School is out here June 2nd. Then he can do whatever.
7 people like this
7 responses
@JolietJake (50190)
•
26 Apr 17
I don't understand why you are calling the police, honestly. Perhaps you could call them to report him skipping school if he is legally required to do so, but I don't see the purpose of calling them because he wouldn't get out of bed.
6 people like this
@celticeagle (177036)
• Boise, Idaho
26 Apr 17
It's a scare tactic actually. We don't have anything to use as leverage. Most good parents take the kid's privileges away. Last time I did that I got pushed down and my shoulder dislocated. You have any better ideas PLEASE let me know. The law says he has to go to school until a certain age. But, if he doesn't go and won't do as he is told to in the morning then we have been told to call the police. What more can we do?
3 people like this
@yukimori (10182)
• United States
26 Apr 17
@celticeagle The problem is that it's a completely ineffective scare tactic.
You're showing him that not only do you and his mother not have any authority over him, but the police don't, either. Intentionally or not, his mother's showing him that it's perfectly normal for an adult to rely on their parents to get them up in the morning. At this point the entire household is dysfunctional, which isn't going to help his issues at all.
My honest advice in this situation is to do what's best for your physical and mental health. If that means leaving and finding another place to live, so be it. You're basically parenting the both of them at this point. Maybe his mother can figure out something where he can attend an alternative school, maybe online, until he's old enough to decide that he's done with formal schooling. Maybe she can get him involved with an organization like Big Brothers Big Sisters.
And I say this as someone who grew up in a toxic family environment and was diagnosed as ODD. What "fixed" my issue was being kicked out of my parents' home and getting out of the dysfunction. My parents are still toxic and abusive, but not having to deal with it makes a huge difference.
I'm betting that your grandson isn't going to make any major changes unless the underlying family issues are addressed and resolved. Which probably won't happen unless your daughter is willing to go along with treatment, since you can't force her to do anything at this point.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
26 Apr 17
Im feel i ng s o sorry for you as so many seem to feel you and your daughtger should just do this or that and he will b e filne. I feel that t hey are tal ong hooey as you and his mom really know what you are dealing with .I know you are a very intelligent woman and are doing your best in a very bad situation I have no clue as to making any suggestions but ignore those who 'think its so simple to handle.
2 people like this
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Apr 17
@celticeagle you are most welcom e
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (177036)
• Boise, Idaho
26 Apr 17
I have ignored them. One sort of hurt my feelings but that is fine. She has a right to her opinion. As you said, no one else lives here and knows. And, we are doing the best we can. I am in communication with the social worker at the school and taking her advice. We have also set up a PSR who is coming out next week. I will write a post on this. Thank you for your input.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50970)
• Holiday, Florida
28 Apr 17
thats true, Patsie, it seems the law and other people have put parents between a rock and a hard place. in this case its grandmother in that place too. bad place to be, i remember
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50970)
• Holiday, Florida
28 Apr 17
i sure understand the awful predicament you are in. my youngest son did the same thing. only thing that saved us was my older son came over and told him that next time i would call him instead of the cops and he would do a lot worse then cops do. i had called on him twice because i was told by the school board if he missed more school i would go to jail. my older son told him if i went to jail it would be regretted by him because he would end up in a home where they treat kids so much worse. anyway, something put the fear in him. and he started going. sorry but sometimes fear is all that works. though you may not believe me. of course i knew all that wouldn't happen but he didn't. i was scared of going to jail though myself
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (177036)
• Boise, Idaho
28 Apr 17
I remember you telling us about that. I wish we had a father figure in the picture. Oh, I do believe you about the fear element believe me. That's why I kept thinking a policeman coming out here would do some good but now they are telling us we are idiots. His dad is worthless. Cami doesn't seem to get it that it reflects back on her and her parenting skills when this crap goes down. I am so sick of it. He didn't go to sleep until nearly midnight tonight and I foresee a problem in the morning.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (177036)
• Boise, Idaho
28 Apr 17
@bunnybon7 .......Yes, a male influence would be great. That's one reason I call the cops. The PSRs are going to both be females.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (50970)
• Holiday, Florida
28 Apr 17
@celticeagle so sorry. i really wish i could get you some help. no man in your daughter or grand daughters life or yours? you need to try and see if they can send a helper, therapist or something that is male to talk with him. maybe a guy could make him understand
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (177036)
• Boise, Idaho
26 Apr 17
It is extremely hard. He doesn't do jack but, I think that that is about to change.
1 person likes this
@much2say (57775)
• Los Angeles, California
26 Apr 17
I know it can be super hard to get kids up when they sleep late. I will actually wake the kids up 10-15 minutes earlier on a morning like that because I already know it's going to be a bear trying to get them up. But I realize it's not that easy over there. Would taking the tv privileges away at night help?
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (177036)
• Boise, Idaho
26 Apr 17
When he doesn't get to sleep then his mom doesn't also. So this morning it took nearly a half an hour to get her up. We may have to take all privileges away.
2 people like this
@much2say (57775)
• Los Angeles, California
26 Apr 17
@celticeagle 
If that is part of the problem, then definitely take that part of the problem away!!
If that is part of the problem, then definitely take that part of the problem away!!1 person likes this
@Solutioner (160)
•
26 Apr 17
I think you have to take work with some politeness
This is the age where generally child become aggressive
You need to include small changes otherwise he won't accept them
Stay blessed
Happy life
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (177036)
• Boise, Idaho
26 Apr 17
We do "work with politeness". That is getting old. He doesn't do as he is asked, he is slow and waits until the very last minute. It really gets old. Then 'politeness' goes out the window.
1 person likes this
@MarshaMusselman (38834)
• Midland, Michigan
28 Apr 17
Well, it looks like the idea of police coming to the house may not get him moving faster after all. I'm surprised that his mom wouldn't even get up, that's sad and worse. Maybe his bat attitude and laziness is dfiltering down from her?
