The Fear Of Being Alone/Lonely! Humph!
By Catherine
@bluesa (15022)
Johannesburg, South Africa
May 25, 2017 8:36am CST
After talking to a friend that lost everything because she has a fear of being alone and chased after the wrong man, I realise yet again that the fear of being lonely or alone has a lot to answer for, humph! It has caused many people great trouble. It messes up a person's rationale. Causes people to make choices they might not. So many people who are afraid of being alone have convinced themselves they are in love when they are not. They have convinced themselves that someone, whether they are good for them or not is better than no one.
Women and even some men are stuck in abusive relationships, all in the quest for not being lonely or alone.
A friend once told me, "use what mother nature gave you, before father time takes it away" . What did she mean? She meant that I should use my looks while I have them and bag myself a man before I turn into an old hag!
Today she is divorced! Yes, where does getting married guarantee that you won't be alone one day? Where?
A couple I knew had a son, they were not rich, they put him through medical school. They were so proud when he became a doctor, then he met and married a woman who decided they were beneath them and he turned his back on them! His Mom had to start ironing other peoples clothes to make money. Where does having children guarantee that you won't be alone one day?
I keep telling my friends, "learn to enjoy your own company, have hobbies". I have gone to watch a movie by myself, I have gone to a coffee shop by myself and I was fine. Plus as friends we also have each other.
I told another friend, that if I never marry, I will become a Golden Girl, yep, Get a place, get a bunch of other single female friends to share it. We'll eat cheesecake, and drink wine and reminisce about life together.
So, watch out for the fear of being lonely or alone, there are no guarantees that marriage and children will stop you from being alone. Learn to enjoy your own company and keep good friends in your life. Have a great Thursday all.
18 people like this
18 responses
@LadyDuck (502812)
• Italy
25 May 17
All your examples are very true and no matter what you do, you cannot have the guarantee that you will not grow old alone. Learn to be happy with yourself, make friends and enjoy your time. You do not need to have a husband or children to be happy.
7 people like this
@LadyDuck (502812)
• Italy
25 May 17
@bluesa I know very well, for years everyone asked us why we did not want children and tried to explain how horrible it is to grow old without children to help and nephew. Sure, I have seen more children turning their back to their parents that children helping them.
3 people like this
@BelleStarr (61463)
• United States
25 May 17
I agree you don't need someone else to be happy and loneliness is not guaranteed to be missing if you have children or a spouse even but having said that, that son is a real jerk and he is an exception, not the rule. My children won't desert me that I am sure of. And if you marry the right person for the right reason, it is a wonderful thing, I am almost 50 years into my marriage. So do what makes you happy, you don't need a husband or children but they can be a blessing. 
4 people like this
@bluesa (15022)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
25 May 17
Iz, it is wonderful that you have been married for nearly 50 years. My parents have been married for 49 in June. I believe that if it is meant that I will meet someone, but I will not allow the fear of being alone to cause me to settle @BelleStarr and that annoys a lot of my friends.
1 person likes this
@BelleStarr (61463)
• United States
25 May 17
@bluesa No one should ever settle, I do believe in soulmates and if yours is out there, you will find each other and if not, you will be happy anyway!!
1 person likes this
@PainsOnSlate (21845)
• Canada
26 May 17
Very good advice. I met my husband in college but we didn't marry until 5 years later, I knew he was the one and we have been married 50 years this year and our children are grown and happy.
2 people like this
@bluesa (15022)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
27 May 17
@PainsOnSlate , I wonder how many take the time to get to know each other as you and your husband did. I think it could make a big difference. Yes, maybe it was less complicated in the 1960's . I truly can't figure it out either though...
1 person likes this
@bluesa (15022)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
27 May 17
@PainsOnSlate , congratulations to you and your husband. I believe that there are those who are meant to meet and marry. If it is meant it will happen, but to panic and settle, is disaster. Good your children are grown and happy and I know they still visit you, it is wonderful when that is the case. :)
1 person likes this
@PainsOnSlate (21845)
• Canada
27 May 17
@bluesa Seeing my friends and family divorcing and and breaking up I feel like I got the right one, and we took our time getting to know each other before we married. It was the 1960's maybe an easier time to get together... but who knows why some last and some don't.
1 person likes this
@DianneN (254926)
• United States
25 May 17
No one should marry or have children just for fear of being alone. Nothing is guaranteed in this life. Sure people don't marry, divorce or choose not to have children for their own personal reasons, but those are more the exceptions. I have the most wonderful husband and family which bring me nothing but love and joy. I also have a wide network of dear and loving friends whom I can count on no matter what. We have to do what is right for us, and I know you have a beautiful and smart head on your shoulders. It's best to ignore naysayers and live happily!
2 people like this
@spaceseed (2843)
• India
27 May 17
i believ every action one takes in life depends on personal preferences and situation. but if desired outcome is not achieved it is on a person to move on what he or she has. life is a journey
,we have to complete it..now its on a person wheather he or she does it cribbing or take it as it comes
2 people like this
@bluesa (15022)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
27 May 17
Yes, we can decide how we perceive it all @ridingbet
2 people like this
@bluesa (15022)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
29 May 17
@ridingbet very true it's up to us.
1 person likes this
@ridingbet (66854)
• Philippines
28 May 17
@bluesa yes, because we should be the one to make our own destiny and not only by believing in horoscopes.
1 person likes this
@Kandae11 (57230)
•
25 May 17
Right now, I am alone and I don't plan on changing my status. I have my son and other family members and I keep so busy, I doubt I would have the time to pamper and coddle another adult. Furthermore I feel so free,- free to do things in my own time, whatever I want to do and when I want to do it.
2 people like this
@shaggin (74987)
• United States
27 May 17
I think right now I feel okay if I were single for the rest of my life. There are definitely times where I couldn't stand being along but I am okay with it now. I do truly dread thinking about having an empty nest someday when my children are grown. I love everything you have written here! Getting married does not always mean it will last and unfortunately usually it does not.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (15022)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
27 May 17
I am happy that you enjoyed this discussion @shaggin , thank you 
. Yes unfortunately most marriages today don't last and that is why us ladies must make sure we have loads to keep ourselves busy with and keep good friends close. We have to be our own heroes. :)
. Yes unfortunately most marriages today don't last and that is why us ladies must make sure we have loads to keep ourselves busy with and keep good friends close. We have to be our own heroes. :)1 person likes this
@1hopefulman (45111)
• Canada
29 May 17
Good topic! It is a good 17 years that I am alone after being married twice. Life goes on!
1 person likes this
@1hopefulman (45111)
• Canada
30 May 17
@bluesa We can do what we want to do all the time.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (15022)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
31 May 17
@1hopefulman so very true
1 person likes this
@bluesa (15022)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
29 May 17
That is just it @1hopefulman , life goes on and if we can enjoy our own company, it can go on well. :)
1 person likes this
@PatZAnthony (14749)
• Charlotte, North Carolina
26 May 17
Those fears no doubt prompted many men and women to get into a relationship that was not right for them @bluesa
1 person likes this
@PatZAnthony (14749)
• Charlotte, North Carolina
27 May 17
@bluesa It seems those who fear being alone sometimes push others to live the same choices they did.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (15022)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
27 May 17
@PatZAnthony , Yes, I have seen that. My friend has a fear of being alone and her daughter is already thinking and talking like her. 
@bluesa (15022)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
27 May 17
So sad, but true. @PatZAnthony .
1 person likes this
@Freelanzer (10782)
• Canada
28 May 17
It is not marriage alone as many are in relationships, sometimes long term relationships that are disasters but yet they stay. I am always so busy that I never recall feeling lonely and I cherish my alone time whenever I get it
1 person likes this
@bluesa (15022)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
29 May 17
You are so right @Freelanzer , there are those that are not married and stuck in unhappy relationships to say that they have someone. Same here, I have a busy life and also cherish "me time" when I can get it. :)
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (67089)
• United States
25 May 17
My mom has a fear of being lonely, because my father ruined every friendship she had, and she has been with guys over the last 7 years cuz she thinks just having her kids isnt enough and that hurt my brother and I. But she has changed. So i think it was more so her almost being 50. And being scared
1 person likes this
@bluesa (15022)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
27 May 17
@Courtlynn , sorry your father caused your Mom to lose friendships. I have a friend, who I keep telling, that if she has her kids, she can't say she has no one. She is blessed to have her kids, so I am sorry you and your brother were hurt. Good your Mom has changed now and I wish you all, all the best.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (15022)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
27 May 17
@Courtlynn you're welcome. Take care. :)
1 person likes this
@responsiveme (22923)
• India
29 May 17
While being a person who likes having family around , I have real used that we need to make our own journeys.
Very bright about the hobbies .
There is a good piece of writing going around in my instant messenger group about detachment in attachment.
And as for friends they are the greatest investment you can have
1 person likes this
@bluesa (15022)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
29 May 17
@responsiveme it's okay, thank you. I have the same problem with that darn auto correct!
1 person likes this
@bluesa (15022)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
29 May 17
@responsiveme , we do have to make our own journeys and there is no guarantee we will always have company, So we need to learn to appreciate our own. That does sound like a good piece of writing. Yes, good friends are an investment :)
1 person likes this
@responsiveme (22923)
• India
29 May 17
@bluesa it should have been right about hobbies...GRRRR Mr Auto Correct upo his tricks
1 person likes this
@bluesa (15022)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
29 May 17
Thank you @spaceseed I have seen so many mess up their lives by settling for someone to just not be lonely or alone.
1 person likes this
@Nawsheen (28761)
• Mauritius
26 May 17
I know some people who are married yet the husband and wife don't get along well. They are living in the same house like two strangers. Marriage does not always mean togetherness. In fact it is not something easy to maintain. Have to work really hard to keep this relationship working. When you are single you are not bound by anything and can enjoy life fully
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40230)
• United States
25 May 17
I agree with you. I had a friend once who was single for, like, 2 months. All I heard about was how single she was. At the time I had been single 2 years.
Another friend hops from boyfriend and girlfriend over and over again. (She's bisexual)
And I have read on people who have kids so that they won't be alone.
However there was a TV special not long ago that featured little old people in nursing homes whose kid's rarely visit.
True, being married/having kids guarantees you nothing.
1 person likes this
@bluesa (15022)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
27 May 17
@FayeHazel , Yes, more and more each day I see that being married or having children does not guarantee a person won't be lonely or alone. And settling for someone just leads to misery.
