Compulsive Liar
By MJ1111
@melissaneal (35)
June 13, 2017 11:42am CST
My ex-husband is a compulsive liar, literally, he lies about anything and everything. I was married to him for about 10 years and finally couldn't do it any longer and wised up and divorced him. I got with him when I was going through a mental breakdown after losing my grandfather.
We have a son together, he is 11 years old now. My son even knows that his father is a liar. -Not my doing-He asks me why his dad lies and I try my hardest to tell him that his father can't help it, that he doesn't realize that he does or whatever I can to tell my son that it is not right, but he can't help it. I am a big believer in not talking down on him in front of my son...but I really struggle on how I explain to my son that it is wrong and what to say to him, without me sounding like I am putting my ex down.
I have tried talking to my ex numerous of times, but anything I say I am just being a *****.... everyone that knows him, knows that he is a big liar, even his family.
How would you address this as a mother?
5 people like this
6 responses
@DesirousDreamer (34780)
• Peoria, Arizona
13 Jun 17
I would just say that, sometimes people have a hard time telling the truth. Even when there is no point to lie, people get addicted to lying, and that isn't good. It is always better to tell the truth than it is to lie, it makes you stronger, happier, and people will trust you more.
2 people like this
@DesirousDreamer (34780)
• Peoria, Arizona
16 Jun 17
@melissaneal It is difficult, liars are terrible and it is unfair to everyone who is around them to deal with their lies.
1 person likes this
@melissaneal (35)
•
13 Jun 17
@DesirousDreamer
Since living with a compulsive liar for over 10 years, I will not, and can not tell a lie.It destroys people, destroys trust, respect and loyalty.
@skydream (1446)
• Agate, Colorado
13 Jun 17
That's how my dad is. He'll lie all the time, about anything big or small he'll make up dramatic stories and when I was younger i didn't notice. When I started noticing my mom would tell me that he can't help it and he believes it himself and just not to be like that and not to lie when I got older I understood how it is and now don't really have contact with him
2 people like this
@skydream (1446)
• Agate, Colorado
14 Jun 17
@melissaneal I agree. The lies will eventually be found out and it'll be hard to fix the relationships. I hope it all gets better so they can have a father in their life.
1 person likes this
@melissaneal (35)
•
13 Jun 17
It is so sad how one feels the need to lie. For what, when the truth eventually reveals itself. I just know how important it is to have a father in your life. I just hope that one day they will see how their lies will destroy everything.
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (66918)
• United States
13 Jun 17
I thibk you're doing the best you can with it.
2 people like this
@atoz1to10 (6781)
• Australia
14 Jun 17
Sometime it's better if your son figure it out himself... Whatever you are telling him, try not to make it as a put down. Maybe you try say some good things about his dad and throw in 1 bad thing... Hope it will work..
1 person likes this
@atoz1to10 (6781)
• Australia
16 Jun 17
@melissaneal Very kind of you, and yes, your son will find out sooner or later.
1 person likes this
@melissaneal (35)
•
15 Jun 17
Believe me, I would love to say something Bad about him.....lol....but I can't do that to my son. I know he will figure it out on his own when he gets older.
1 person likes this
@Blushandglow (725)
• India
14 Jun 17
I guess you are handling things quite perfectly by not talking bad about him to your son. But I am afraid your ex is definately setting up a wrong example for your son. You should talk to him and make him understand the consequences of lying. Also speak to your ex about it.
1 person likes this
@Blushandglow (725)
• India
15 Jun 17
@melissaneal hopefully everything will turn out good for you one day.
1 person likes this
@melissaneal (35)
•
15 Jun 17
Yes I do talk to my son about it, and believe me, I have already tried to talk to my ex about it. It just makes my ex very upset and he turns it all around on me. Saying I am the liar.
My son has seen the effects of lies and he can't lie to me if he even tries. The last time he tried, which was something small....he started crying and told me the truth....he said " I can't believe I lied to you, I feel like a bad person"....
1 person likes this
@Rhombus (357)
• South Africa
13 Jun 17
It's a tough one. I would keep being honest (like you are) and say you don't know why he lies.
You could also show your son how lying can make a person feel bad (ie: there's cake in the fridge etc), make a game of it and he can think of his own examples.
You just need to explain that not everyone is perfect. While his dad lying does not make him the most reliable person, he needs to adjust and accommodate that aspect of his personality. The lies do not diminish feelings of love he has.
As he gets a bit older, he will see things for what they are. You're doing the right thing not speaking badly about him.
2 people like this
@melissaneal (35)
•
13 Jun 17
Thank you, I know he will eventually figure it out on his own. I just don't want to be the one who influences him on his decisions with the whole situation.
@Rhombus (357)
• South Africa
13 Jun 17
@melissaneal just keep being the stabilising influence you are, you're doing a great job. ?
1 person likes this
