Never Judge A Book By Its Cover

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If you've never lived in an area with a 'gang presence' chances are you won't know what to expect. Living in Southern California was an incredible experience and I am hoping to move back there in the near future. The area we finally settled in to was considered upper middle class; a lot of cul de sacs and in-ground pools but not a ton of friendly families. One of the first things I learned about my new house was that it was in a 'neutral' area meaning the community had a 'no bull' policy. No drugs, no gang violence, no drive-by shootings etc. Make no mistake about it, there were drugs and parties but everyone took an active position of keeping control. The neighborhood had an even mix of professionals, students, senior citizens and families. There were three 'gang' related houses; oddly enough they never had any type of beef with the other families or gang members. The kids all played together and the moms cooked huge meals every Sunday. After seeing dead bodies, stabbing victims begging for help, kids crying because they haven't eaten for a week and what happens to an apartment complex when a meth lab explodes I was conditioned to expect a certain amount of violence. But oddly enough, as soon as those associated with gangs arrived home, nothing changed. No out of control egos or 'bringing work home with them'. In most cases it was a chance for generational members to give their kids a better life. Victor was a neighbor three doors down; his lawn was immaculate and he had a true panache for bonsai trees and grooming them. His brothers (actual family members) would always drag my garbage cans up the driveway and if I came home from shopping with huge bag of dry dog food they magically appeared and carried it into the garage so I could break it down into five pound containers. I knew that they belonged to one of the “up and coming” gangs in California and that they had guns that they weren't afraid to use them. I also knew that they kept the peace; the other two rival gang members that lived there had the same credo - “business stays at work”. If you had a problem with someone harassing you or your car was broken in to, all it took was a phone call or knocking on their front door to have things resolved. Over time I got to know 'the guys' and had to ask them some rather private questions about their gang affiliation. Everyone knew that they were in a gang but when they were home they didn't dress the part, use slang, flip gang signs or maintain a 'vato' lifestyle. What did I ask them? Whats up with wearing the plaid shirts but only buttoning the top two? Long shorts and white socks? Facial tattoos – do people regret getting them? After a lot of chuckling and more than a few mentions of me being a “snowflake”, I got a real shock. One of the brothers summed up why they were still in a gang and why it was almost impossible to leave that life. Not being able to recall it word for word, this is the best I can do in relaying a side of my neighbor gang members. “If we could leave, we would have but gangs are everywhere and eventually we'd all end up dead.” “We haven't turned our backs on our gang family but we don't want that for our kids” “Clothes don't make the man but when you have 40 guys all dressed the same it makes it pretty hard to identify someone beyond a reasonable doubt.” “Facial tattoos aren't good for anything except ending up in a book at the police station” But my favorite was about why so many of the women shaved their eyebrows. None of the guys had a solid answer outside of “their moms did it”. One thing that they all stressed is that they weren't as dedicated to the 'thug life' as they were years ago and they don't want their kids to fall into the same routine. I learned a lot about their gang and the origins but at the same time I saw the dark side of things. All three gang families did their best to keep the neighborhood free of gang activity but they went beyond that – they put their colors aside and mowed lawns, worked the grills on weekends and do their best to keep their two worlds from colliding. So what's the point of this post? It goes back to the “don't judge a book by it's cover”. You never know what someone has been through or endured until you sit down and talk with them. I was lucky enough to see the other side of members of the MS13 but I will never say that they are the “best” or most accurate example of the other members.