Some subjects should not be touched in conversations.
By marguicha
@marguicha (215711)
Chile
November 21, 2017 7:39pm CST
I have had problems with the friends who live at my house because of their political convictions.
I think that they should not touch certain subjects and neither should I because we don´t think alike and because, after all, they will be living at my house for a long time only because I offered it and they needed it.
In my country there are subjects that hurt and will hurt forever after a dictator. They were in favor of Pinochet and I despised him. My friends seem to think that the ends justify any means. And in Pinochet´s time, it implied death for many and political asylum for many others.
I am worried because I don´t know what to do. I love my friends, but this time of elections have made them talk of things that should have been quiet in my house.
Do you have any idea about what I should do?
11 people like this
13 responses
@JudyEv (326098)
• Rockingham, Australia
22 Nov 17
If they are to be there for a long time, I think I would speak to them about it. If not, I can only seeing the situation getting worse. You don't have to disagree with them. Maybe just say that you really don't want to discuss these things - although it seems that perhaps you've tried that. In which case, maybe after the elections they won't feel the need to talk about it so much. It's a pity they are not a bit more sensitive to your feelings .
3 people like this
@marguicha (215711)
• Chile
22 Nov 17
@JudyEv I do give them space. But they are used to living and doing things in a certain way and they are trying to change my ways. I have even had to speak to Leticia not to mind them, specially Lely. She orders about and says even how potatoes should be boiled. For a person who is working in a house for 20 years (and old too) this is stressing too.
1 person likes this
@marguicha (215711)
• Chile
22 Nov 17
I´ll wait until after the elections. And maybe I can do more social life so that I´m not so much at home as I usually am.
2 people like this
@JudyEv (326098)
• Rockingham, Australia
22 Nov 17
@marguicha However much you like your friends, I think it is always difficult to live with them for long. It would probably help if you were able to give each other more space in some way.
1 person likes this
@much2say (53944)
• Los Angeles, California
22 Nov 17
That is a tough one. Growing up, my dad certainly had his opinions about politics - much of which was opposite views of mine - but I had to live there, so I could only bite my lip about it (he didn't like me voicing my opinions, so I did not even bother). But as an adult, I know it's rather sticky trying to talk to others with such strong opposite political views - even harder having to live with them. Sometimes they may assume you agree or side with them, so they don't hesitate to speak out about it. Knowing me, I'm not the one to speak out about it . . . I often hope that my silence about the subject gives them a clue that I'm not interested in talking about it.
2 people like this
@marguicha (215711)
• Chile
22 Nov 17
They know me for years and they know perfectly well that I am NOT a conservative person.
1 person likes this
@much2say (53944)
• Los Angeles, California
22 Nov 17
@marguicha I am thinking they may be quite comfortable speaking about politics in front of you, but may not realize they are stepping over the boundaries. I hate it when they go on and on about theirs views and not realize that I'm only nodding and not contributing to the conversation. It's just not worth talking about my views and having a debate with them - I know how nasty it can get.
1 person likes this
@marguicha (215711)
• Chile
22 Nov 17
@much2say I think that maybe part of the problems they had with their children in the US is that they are very rigid and need to state what they think about just everything.
1 person likes this
@cahaya1983 (11121)
• Malaysia
22 Nov 17
I understand how that must be upsetting for you. I would probably talk to them in private about not bringing up that subject so that no one would feel uncomfortable.
1 person likes this
@marguicha (215711)
• Chile
22 Nov 17
@cahaya1983 At my 72 years, I will not change my way of thinking. They know what it is so there´s no need to talk about it. If I had a religious friend living at my house, I would not decide to talk about religion. But Iwould not be comfortable if he or she would insist on taking me to their church.
1 person likes this
@marguicha (215711)
• Chile
22 Nov 17
This is a subject that we talk at home, when we are alone (my friends and I). It is worse. If they would talk when there are other people, I´d just go to the kitchen and wash dishes.
1 person likes this
@cahaya1983 (11121)
• Malaysia
22 Nov 17
@marguicha I understand, I would never want to be part of that kind of conversation too.
1 person likes this
@andriaperry (116860)
• Anniston, Alabama
22 Nov 17
Well if you cannot say it with words, write the words down and hand the note to them.
2 people like this
@Happy2BeMe (99390)
• Canada
22 Nov 17
I am sorry to hear. I would not say anything because it will make hard feeling but it is your home and they should bot have talked about those things knowing how you feel. That was very disrespetful of them.
2 people like this
@marguicha (215711)
• Chile
22 Nov 17
I feel like that but I don´t dare tell them to stop because they are not in a good situation.
2 people like this
@Happy2BeMe (99390)
• Canada
22 Nov 17
@marguicha i hope they stop talking about it.
2 people like this
@Kandae11 (53677)
•
22 Nov 17
If they are good, long time friends of mine, I should be able to point out in a very nice way that I would prefer if they didn't involve me in those discussions. If they continue - then they shouldn't be surprised or hurt if I didn't reply or decided to leave the room.
1 person likes this
@marguicha (215711)
• Chile
22 Nov 17
I will think on your answer. I don´t know yet what to do but this could help.
@prashu228 (37526)
• India
22 Nov 17
As you mentioned some subjects should be left..
..so that it doesn't hurt anyone
..so that it doesn't hurt anyone1 person likes this
@marguicha (215711)
• Chile
22 Nov 17
I don´t want to hurt them as they are in my house. But I don´t want to be hurt in my house either.
@HebrewGreekStudies (1646)
• Canada
23 Nov 17
Unfortunately, I have no advice...but, my own habit now is, I no longer allow myself to get drawn into conversations I am not comfortable with. Like, they can have their views, discuss and even debate them...but, I have the choice of not getting involved. Depending on how large the area you live in is though, this may not be or at least not always be possible. I am sorry that you have been given stress for doing what was an act of compassion in letting them stay with you while they are in need.
@Courtlynn (66918)
• United States
22 Nov 17
You need to sot them down and explain to them that you love them and ypu dont mind them being there but as long as they are x y and z are off limits to talk about there
1 person likes this
@peachpurple (13884)
• Malaysia
22 Nov 17
Refrain from injecting into the political subjects, stay neutral
1 person likes this
@Scrapper88 (5957)
• United States
22 Nov 17
I have a friend that leaves the room when something he does not want to hear comes up in conversation.
1 person likes this
