... and the wisdom to know the difference.

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That last phrase in the serenity prayer is right on point. When it comes to hind sight, we know at some point, that there are certain realities that can not be changed. One such thing is, the fear of not knowing. Like when a loved one is going in to surgery for breast cancer or any other cancer or surgery. Not knowing if he or she will wake up from it. I mean, not knowing if that person going in that door to surgery will possibly die and not come back, forever. My father went into surgery, back in 2002, having been told he would have no problems. He somehow knew that was a lie. The doctors tell us - "EVERYTHING will work out fine. No worry." Well, the day of my dad's surgery for an angioplasty, as it was called, his heart stopped and the surgeon tried to massage his heart back to beating again but he never woke up. God grant me the serenity ... Well, serenity is something I felt that day, along with a deep sense of loss. I never got the chance to make amends with my father for some of the issues we were having disagreement about. Such differences included ... I don't go to church but he turned his life over to the Catholic faith. I had been baptized as an infant and when I grew up I stopped going to church and my dad was of the opinion that A PERSON WHO DOESN'T ATTEND MASS EVERY SUNDAY IS a hypocrite. I am just not into group gatherings. I like my alone time too much. I pray of course I do. I pray to God and to Jesus and sometimes Mary. But since I stopped going to mass my dad was thinking along the lines that I was not a true Catholic. It has bugged me to this very day. It is one of the things I had different opinions about with my father so he died thinking I was a hypocrite, who did not believe in God. If he is up there, in Heaven or in a suspended state until the second coming or whatever, I think he knows how I really feel or does he? These are the questions I ask myself as I attempt to go forward with my own life, knowing that.