How I relate to you differs..
By vanny
@vandana7 (98924)
India
November 28, 2018 12:11pm CST
You could be very nice towards me, but horrid towards a family member.
Should I be leaving you knowing fully well that there is no reason to.
I know that I cannot take my equation always in relation to how a person is towards parents, spouse, children, etc.
But at times I do and retreat. I have dropped people like hot potatoes when they have not been honorable enough, notwithstanding their kindness towards me.
I don't like me very much, and feel ungrateful. I feel am I justifying this move, because I don't want to repay their obligation?
As usual my brain says nothing wrong. I am just preventing something similar happening to me down the lane. Better I ditch them than they do it to me in shocking way.
What goes around comes around...but that should be valid for me as well, right?
So...would you still move with a person who threw elderly parent out?
14 people like this
14 responses
@vandana7 (98924)
• India
2 Dec 18
@just4him But we end up judging in cases like this. :(
If my parent has been tough with my mother, I would still be fine with him, am fine with him, solely because without him, I have nobody else whom I can call family and trust. That is darned selfish on my part. I mean why am I not consistent in my stand, I feel. These are my double standards. I excuse my behavior. I say he is old, he does not understand finances, if I am not around, he will not manage. All of which is true. But so is the fact that if we separate out, my physical security is at risk and my finances may take a dent.
2 people like this
@AKRao24 (27424)
• India
29 Nov 18
No way! The very feeling of the act boils my blood! How can be so mean? I will definitely tell the person on his/her face and ask him to stay way from me! How can we expect anything from such people when they don't care their own parents? I understand the turmoils you are experiencing! Very sad!
1 person likes this
@AKRao24 (27424)
• India
29 Nov 18
@vandana7 , Unfortunately today we are getting too many such cases! Have watched the final episode of Kaun banega Karod Pati on Monday? There in that show they have shown a gentleman who has opened a shelter for old homeless people. He was narrating how cruelly they abandon their parents for their greed!
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (98924)
• India
29 Nov 18
@AKRao24 Yeah that is what triggered those melancholic thoughts. Tying parent to the gate in cold? The old man is lonely as it is without spouse. I could understand the dislike if the parent was drunkard, gambler, or idler. Even so, people don't throw parents out on street. Isolate them perhaps, in a room.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (98924)
• India
29 Nov 18
Ha ha...I feel ballistic too. Kind of, the help and obligation takes backseat, and the thing that remains on the top is how the person treated his parent. There can be many reasons, some valid too. But being abusive towards helpless parent is ..words fail me.
1 person likes this
@sofssu (23662)
•
1 Dec 18
Your last sentence/question trows a different light on the scenario.. I may also do something similar.. but differently.. i mighty slowly distance myself from such people.
Not because i think they might do it to me.. but because this 'thing' they did will always be at the back of my mind and i wouldn't be able to be true to myself while relating to them.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (98924)
• India
29 Nov 18
Human beings will have differences. Hell, as humans we are often in dilemma. That said, shout and let the steam off, but do not beat or throw people out. For god's sake there is more to a person than a small issue. The past is replete with love if only people would turn around. Parent spends monies on the child. Find a friend or spouse who would give away monies without grumbling.
@Sreekala (34312)
• India
29 Nov 18
To be very frank, I hate selfish and narrow minded people. They may be nice to you at present, but they can do the same way to you as well in a later period. The people are so happy to use other people for their own benefits then throw them away. I can't appreciate.
1 person likes this
I like someone who loves his parents. We were raised by our parents , they sacrificed for us when we were growing up, so why can't we , now that they are old.@vandana7 (98924)
• India
4 Dec 18
Exactly. There are many on streets that don't get enough food, or are exploited by others. Our parents ensured that we did not face that fate. They may not have given us life of luxury but they ensured that we were fed, healthy, and got decent education to ensure that we lived and retired comfortably off. That is creditable. Those who can't figure this one thing are stupid...and words fail me... the least we can do is keep them in our home, feed them, cloth them, and tend to them when they have nowhere to go. My heart aches when I think of parents being ill treated. I agree it is difficult to feel very sorry for somebody we don't know. But somebody we knew as a good parent, if he or she is ill treated, it is a definite alarm.
1 person likes this
@sabtraversa (12997)
• Italy
28 Nov 18
Knowing the truth requires a lot of investigation, therefore we must rely on feelings.
I mean, we can attempt to guess the reason why some people mistreat their relatives, but we don't know.
One thing is certain, you can't have a genuine relationship with someone you feel fear or disdain for.
I'm not sure of what I would do in such situation. I might not avoid that person completely, but I would definitely avoid giving too much confidence or get too attached.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (98924)
• India
29 Nov 18
Let me assure you trust goes for a toss. There is a lot that can be forgiven. Everybody makes mistakes. But if the person is ungrateful to parents who have taken care of him or her, and if we know that for a fact, and then realize that the person has thrown the parent out, no way the person is welcome in our life. I know the lord says don't judge. But this is not accounts books. If possible I get the account settled, and disappear from their lives.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (98924)
• India
3 Dec 18
I can understand if the parent has been abusive or irresponsible. But if the parent has done his or her best, and may be not managed to fulfill all wishes, but not been drunkard, gambler, idler, or somebody who pimps children, or beats them regularly because of uncontrollable rage, there is simply no reason to throw them out.
@akalinus (40582)
• United States
28 Nov 18
If you think someone could hurt you in the future or you might do something to hurt them, maybe it is better to move on. But, they have a different relationship with you than they do family. I never throw anyone out without a place to go. I never let anyone go hungry. Does that make me okay? I guess I'm not sure what you mean. 
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (98924)
• India
29 Nov 18
I had this family friend, whose son asked his elderly father about 76 or so then, to get down from vehicle and walk almost 3 miles in cold night, in an area not familiar to the elderly man, and when the elderly man was already showing signs of Alzheimer's. That is cruelty even if no physical abuse is involved. I refused to accept him as my care giver, even though one on one, our relationship as brother and sister has not been bad.
@PainsOnSlate (21854)
• Canada
1 Dec 18
I think I'm much like you, I don't like to be around people who are not kind, helpful and loving.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (98924)
• India
3 Dec 18
I like people who are kind and helpful, especially to me. But if they are bad to others, then I feel guilty to be receiving their kindness and helpfulness. I accept them in totality not in bits and pieces. Therefore, throwing them out becomes like something that is inevitable.
1 person likes this
