Giving and Taking...
By RedBurnet
@redurnet (1799)
United Kingdom
December 3, 2018 2:18am CST
What is your opinion on how to give and take at Christmas time?
A family member who earns roughly 20 times what I make in a year has asked me to get them a present.
They have given me a couple of gifts in the past few years even though I asked them not to do so and told them plainly that I could not reciprocate. Now this person has said they didn't think I was an "ungrateful" nasty person and that's why they asked me for a gift.
I feel quite sad about it. I have offered to donate a small amount to a charity on their behalf but they don't want that. They have given me a set price to spend on their gift.
In one way I want to be able to give to this person as a thanks for the couple of times they have given me a gift but I also think they are being a bit rude by asking someone who is very poor and then name calling to make me feel guilty about trying to refuse.
Please give me your comments and suggestions.
8 people like this
8 responses
@redurnet (1799)
• United Kingdom
13 Dec 18
@DianneN I'm unsure. They are visiting at the weekend and I feel like a scrooge if I don't offer at least something but I definitely can't give them a gift of the monetary amount they wanted. I will maybe try and find a nice smaller gift or just hope my company is enough.
1 person likes this
@indexer (4852)
• Leicester, England
3 Dec 18
That is terrible behavior on their part - actually telling you what they value of gift they expect. What they are doing is rubbing your nose in the fact that you are not well off.
I would refuse either to make them a gift or accept any gift that comes from them - don't even open it.
1 person likes this
@redurnet (1799)
• United Kingdom
3 Dec 18
Thank you, I hate to tell people I am poor but I did tell the person and it didn't seem to matter to them. I told them in no uncertain terms not to give me their gift and they agreed but were vicious about it. I feel like the only way to please them is to gift them something.
1 person likes this
@redurnet (1799)
• United Kingdom
6 Dec 18
@indexer I think you are right there. I actually used to give this person gifts many years ago until they started to say that the gift I was choosing (toiletries) was part of a "mindless shopper" choice and there was no personal touch to it. I just think the whole thing is very silly. I told this person that I love and respect them and we do not need to exchange gifts to prove that. However, this seems to have gone over their head.
@just4him (306237)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
13 Dec 18
That isn't what Christmas is about, demanding a present from someone. I would tell them as polite as possible, you are unable to give them a gift.
@JudyEv (325793)
• Rockingham, Australia
3 Dec 18
What rude, horrible people and I'm sorry it's a family member but behaviour like this is unforgiveable. I wouldn't give them anythng but if you really want to can you not make them something? Biscuits in a jar with a red ribbon? Or else gift a small amount to a charity and if they don't like it, let them lump it. And show them your bank statement. They need to be made to shut up once and for all. I really, really hope you don't spend any money on them at all. Sorry - I'm getting carried away I think but this is just such unkind behaviour.
1 person likes this
@redurnet (1799)
• United Kingdom
6 Dec 18
I told this person not to get me a gift after one occasion (they have given me a birthday gift the past two years) and they told me they gave to me and other family members because they liked to do it and it didn't matter if the person didn't want anything as they simply enjoyed spending money.
They are known in the family as doing grand gestures and many other members of the family have asked them not to be over generous but this person won't stop even when requested. The last time I said don't send me anything she posted the parcel to my sister who lives nearby so I couldn't refuse to take her parcel at the door. I thought that was a bit weird. I suppose that this person must feel like she is always giving and never getting back and wants to redress that now.
1 person likes this
@ThreeTeddies (2038)
• United Kingdom
2 Jan 19
@redurnet It's OK to ask for a favour but asking for a gift? I've never done that and I've never heard of anyone who has. As for setting a price for their gift - words fail me! I think this is quite shocking behaviour
@arthurchappell (45002)
• Preston, England
11 Dec 18
I often get told off for buying presents for those who assure me that I don't have to
