Do you think it's funny to joke about one's past or current addiction? Part 2
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
Perth, Australia
April 8, 2019 4:36am CST
This is part 2. Please feel free to check out part 1 so this post will make more sense. I will link it on this post just in case you wish to view it.
Ever since my Aunty said what she said in regards to my drinking, I just sort of tolerated it. But how she can be ok with mocking me about it is something I can't understand. And to think, one of her son's is badly addicted to some of the most worst drugs out there! How would she feel if I mocked his addiction? Not that I would though!
So some time last month, my Aunty said a few things that really got on my nerves. Just being a condescending, hypocritical, mocking know-it-all! Ugh!
But one night she really pushed me over the edge to the point I honestly do not feel like talking to her right now. One night, I was busy studying for my Learner's Permit. I turned my phone off to concentrate. My brother came home and said "Lyn ( Aunty ) tried to call you." I quickly showed my brother my phone and pushed the button and I said "Can you confirm that my phone is off?" He said yes. I asked my dad the same thing. My dad said yes.
My dad, his girlfriend, and my brother were meeting up with my Aunty and cousin for dinner. I did not want to go because I didn't want to be around anyone, I wanted to study and it's because that night my cousin was shaving all his hair off in honour of his dad ( my Uncle ) who died from cancer. So was a bit too sad for me.
Anyway, 3 hours later, I turned on my phone and got a sarcastic, know-it-all message from my Aunty saying "See what I mean about you not answering your phone. ok call me bye." ( Long story short she annoys me about me not always answering my phone which is kinda false but I also don't keep my phone around me a lot ) Anyway I answered back and said:
"My phone wasn't on. I can't answer a phone that isn't turned on. I've had it off for like 3 hours while I study driving. Andrew ( my bro ) can clarify it wasn't on. And dad."
Her: "Oh so your angry is that why you didn't come"
Me: "I didn't say I was angry. I'm studying for driving."
Now! When my dad, his girlfriend and my brother came home, I got the full story about these text messages.
My Aunty read my messages out to everyone which is fine whatever. But where she said "Oh so your angry is that why you didn't come." ....before she sent that to me she said to everyone at the table "oh she's in a bad mood. I'm going to stir her up." ..... So while thinking I'm not in the best of moods, instead of asking me if I'm ok, she wanted to "stir me up." To make me feel worse. 
Then, what I heard next broke me! I ALMOST cried. But it broke me inside. My Aunty also said to everyone at the table "I'm going to comment on her drinking."
My dad looked at her and sternly said "No I wouldn't do that if I was you." To which she laughed and said "No I will behave."
So this is why, well part of why I'm hostile and feeling "done" with certain people. To explain over and over again "I don't like this" but to have them continue to treat me in such a disrespectful and morbid way....no....I can't deal with it anymore.
P.S: Anyone who calls me when my phone is switched off won't ring for me or give them a dial tone so she's kinda silly for trying to make me feel bad for not answering a phone that I logically couldn't answer. I asked my brother and dad to confirm it was off because I KNEW Lyn would try to make me feel bad.
Then, what I heard next broke me! I ALMOST cried. But it broke me inside. My Aunty also said to everyone at the table "I'm going to comment on her drinking."
My dad looked at her and sternly said "No I wouldn't do that if I was you." To which she laughed and said "No I will behave."
So this is why, well part of why I'm hostile and feeling "done" with certain people. To explain over and over again "I don't like this" but to have them continue to treat me in such a disrespectful and morbid way....no....I can't deal with it anymore.
P.S: Anyone who calls me when my phone is switched off won't ring for me or give them a dial tone so she's kinda silly for trying to make me feel bad for not answering a phone that I logically couldn't answer. I asked my brother and dad to confirm it was off because I KNEW Lyn would try to make me feel bad.
The other day I mentioned in my post that I'm feeling pretty hostile towards some of my family members and that I would explain why later on. I will explain a...
7 people like this
8 responses
@garymarsh6 (24100)
• United Kingdom
8 Apr 19
I had to go read the first part to understand this. I think your auntie is a selfish woman who clearly has her own problems. I would tell her straight do not ridicule you. Either support you or keep well clear of you. You do not need that negativity in your life. IF I were your father I would be having quite stern words with her to mind her own affairs.
You need support not being made to feel bad about your past.
I guess she has no faults of her own so she can throw her evil mouth out to those who are feeling vulnerable.
Ignore her you study for your driving permit and give her an ultimatum either stop bad mouthing you or clear off!
Good luck!
3 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
8 Apr 19
@garymarsh6 Thank you so very much for reading both parts. I often feel bad for doing long posts as I know not everyone likes to sit there and read them but really appreciate you taking the time to read and answer these 2!
My Aunty is quite confusing! She does do nice things and say nice things but she also comes with a nasty streak! And these drinking stories hasn't even put a dent in other mean things she has said to me. Which I will talk about another time.
Thank you for your advice and support. I also did pass and got my Learner's Permit. 
I feel happy I did that. 
I feel happy I did that. 1 person likes this
@garymarsh6 (24100)
• United Kingdom
8 Apr 19
@VivaLaDani13 OH well done you. Now you can tell her that ! Next time you want to study things do the same thing.
My answer remains the same though I would tell her how she is hurting you and you do not like it. Tell her you value her friendship but if she continues to treat you in this way it is time to distance yourself from her negative and hurtful remarks! Her choice!
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
9 Apr 19
@garymarsh6 Thank you very kindly! That's the other thing too that worries me. She is something I'm afraid to make a mistake in front of, as well as sharing my accomplishments. I will talk about it another time but when I passed for Learner's Permit, I had no intention of telling her in case she threw me a "Oh finally!" type of comment. I can't handle those because I haven't left it this long due to laziness. It was due to depression.
I really agree with you and that's how it may have to be said to her. Because I do love her and want to be her good friend as well as family but I can't carry on if I'm mocked and picked on.
@Hannihar (130150)
• Israel
8 Apr 19
@VivaLaDani13
Dani, you have been through a lot and your Aunt was terrible to do that to you. I am so so sorry you felt you had to keep all that bottled up inside of you. My ex used to try and make me very small and in the beginning I believed him and then I went to a therapist and I learned to fight for myself and stood up to him. I had a horrible family that treated me so bad that it left so many scars inside of me and I hate that you had to go through what you went through. Please write me if you are feeling bad. My heart goes out to you and even though I am not there but I want to send you lots of hugs.
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
9 Apr 19
@Hannihar Thank you very much for reading, answering and the support you give me. It's something I really appreciate a lot!
I am sorry for how your ex used to treat you. You and I have that in common. I had someone who was like that and I'm still quite scared of him today. Have horrible nightmares of him coming to hurt me or him raping me.
Thank you very much again for your support. 
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
9 Apr 19
@Hannihar Aw thank you! And you ALWAYS have my support too! I'm so happy we have become friends because of MyLot.
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (130150)
• Israel
9 Apr 19
@VivaLaDani13
Dani, you will always have my support and I am so so sorry about your nightmares. I hope one day your dreams will be just dreams that you can enjoy and not turn into nightmares. That is horrible what is happening to you.
1 person likes this
@Sreekala (34312)
• India
8 Apr 19
I think one must have lot of courage to handle such people in life. You said it many times you love her so much, so the hurts will be deepen for sure. If your mother is alive you won't be in this situation. I think your dad is much understanding and rely on him rather than worrying on your aunt's attitude. You can't change her attitude, she born to be like that. Engage some other thing which make you feel happy and divert your mind from your aunt and her behaviour towards you. Once you started to ignore her unwanted comments, you will feel lot better. Take care
2 people like this
@Sreekala (34312)
• India
9 Apr 19
@VivaLaDani13 It is easy to give advice but not that much easy to face those kind of situations in life. I knew this.Same way it is not easy to ignore a loving person in your life. However, try to learn from your own life. Think yourself what is right and wrong, what to accept and what to reject. Since you have a loving dad, you can succeed in your life.
You know what I learnt in my life, never trust any one for your need, never depend any one in your life. If you can help any one do it selflessly. It is not a big issue if you don't help any one. When you give it, give it as 100% and never expect any return. I do spend time for spiritual way and it helped me a lot.
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
10 Apr 19
@Sreekala I understand what you mean. It's very wise advice but yeah not always easy to follow through since emotions are involved. What you say, everything you said was all so very wise and true! I honestly appreciate it all very much.
I totally agree! I actually love to help people and never expect anything in return but I do feel down when I really need emotional support and those people ( not all, just most ) are nowhere to be found. Or they keep promises like "I will be there for you any time" but rarely ever show when I need them.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
9 Apr 19
@Sreekala Thank you so much for your positive, encouraging and support words. I agree with you! I really appreciate you taking the time to read and give me advice!
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (502874)
• Italy
8 Apr 19
Listen Dani, do not see this Aunt anymore. Send her a letter and tell her that you do not intend to reply anymore to her phone calls because she is mean, she is a bad person and you feel a lot better not even knowing that she exists. I hope she will never come back to you.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (502874)
• Italy
9 Apr 19
@VivaLaDani13 If you cannot cut her out, tell her clearly that you only intend to talk to her in person, to stop calling you or sending you message as she distorts what you say. Avoid to be with her alone, see her with your Daddy or someone who can support you and stop her if she starts to bully you. Find a weak point of her personality and attack her back when she attacks you. As an example, if she starts talking about the fact "you have a drink problem" stop her and say "and you have a serious personality problem, you enjoy offending the others".
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
9 Apr 19
@LadyDuck Thank you for reading and answering this one also. It's quite hard to shut her out completely as she lives not too far away from our house as well as we all still get together for certain occasions. The best I can think of is sitting her down to talk face to face so she can see my emotions coming through or write a letter so I don't get interrupted. ( she interrupts a lot )
I don't know right now. I'm just keeping my distance for now and working on my own things like driving, trying to get a job, random things around the house and hoping to make a bit of money here too. I know it's not a lot but it helps me with every cent I make. And I hate saying that because I'd hate for people to think I'm only here for the money but it's only half the reason I'm here. It just helps me with rent and things I need to buy.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
10 Apr 19
@LadyDuck I loved your answer! So true and great advice! I was actually thinking about attacking her weak points too. Not to be nasty on purpose but to make her see how she affects me often.
1 person likes this
@sunrisefan (28524)
• Philippines
8 Apr 19
Your aunt is so cruel. Probably, a good thing to do is not to mind her or whatever she says and keep your distance from her. Don't retaliate. If she keeps blabbing and does not hear any word from you, she would just be like quarreling with a blank wall and she'd look foolish to people.
2 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
8 Apr 19
@sunrisefan Thank you very much for reading my story. It's something that has made me feeling hostile. I'm still undecided about what to do but all I know is right now, I do not feel like talking to her. As far as she knows, she doesn't know that I know what she was going to say that night. She does know I'm in a bad mood but she hasn't bothered to ask why.
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
9 Apr 19
@sunrisefan I will be avoiding her for now while I concentrate on my own things but I do know that this is something I can't avoid forever. I eventually will have to let her know how she's been making me feel. If she wishes to continue getting back to the "best friends" life we once had, then she needs to change how she talks to me. And I completely agree with you!
1 person likes this
@sunrisefan (28524)
• Philippines
8 Apr 19
@VivaLaDani13 Just avoid her so there would be no friction. However, if you get to meet, just try to keep your cool. Being you aunt, show her you respect her for being so and one day she'll realize she's not doing the right thing. When you fight fire with fire, a conflagration occurs but when you fight it with water, it will die down.
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85923)
• Valdosta, Georgia
8 Apr 19
Sadly it seems your aunt is a very sad and angry person with her own life. I know you are a wonderful person but I do feel like you should set some boundaries.
You're worth much more than this-Jesus paid a high price for you!! So, I will be praying for your aunt to be a more humble & kind person and for you to have the strength to set boundaries with her and anyone else who treats you badly.
1 person likes this
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
9 Apr 19
@LovingMyBabies Sometimes I do wonder if the mental abuse she gives out is because she's angry about the alleged mental abuse her mother gave her. I'm not sure but I do know something needs to be done.
Thank you so much.
@VivaLaDani13 (60812)
• Perth, Australia
13 Apr 19
@jaboUK If a letter or a serious talk with her does not work and she still thinks it's funny to poke fun at me, then I will have to tell her I want nothing to do with her.
1 person likes this
